if you don't cover your hair for G-d ...

greenfire

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:12 pm

I used to think otherwise - but I really just cannot fathom putting anything on my head

so if I don't cover your hair for god ... why would I cover it for a simcha ?

monseychick

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:14 pm

SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE...

Respect..

You live in a place like Lakewood/Monsey/Willy where its financially beneficial to play the game...

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:14 pm

greenfire wrote:

I used to think otherwise - but I really just cannot fathom putting anything on my head

so if I don't cover your hair for god ... why would I cover it for a simcha ?

you wouldnt? ive been to smachot where the mothers have nothing on their heads.

amother

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:19 pm

One of my friends proudly never covers her hair. She wore a hat at my chasuna. I never had ask for anything. I guess it was out of respect.

out-of-towner

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:23 pm

How does your daughter feel about it?

My husband's mother wore something on her head for our wedding out of respect for my husband.

amother

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:26 pm

My mother would never wear anything on her head, even if you begged her to. I don't mind at all. Other people do and always let me know.

greenfire

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:29 pm

by my own wedding - some decades ago - I requested my mother wear a hat

I've rebelled since getting divorced & covering my hair is like wearing a girdle - it's going to make me b!tchy Twisted Evil

my own daughter just wants everyone to come as they are w/o demands so that everyone is happy

Tova

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:29 pm

Do you cover at shul? Then it would probably make sense to cover for the chuppah. I know many women that do that. As mother of the bride (mazal tov!) you will be right there with the men saying the brachos and we hold (does anyone not hold this way?) that a previously or currently married woman's hair is erva for which a davar shebikedusha can not be said in front of. So in terms of that it's respectful to cover under the chuppah but that reasoning wouldn't apply to the rest of the wedding (kabbalas panim, dancing).

greenfire

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:30 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

you wouldnt? ive been to smachot where the mothers have nothing on their heads.

thanx I needed to hear that other people have done so too - not that it would change my mind

greenfire

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:32 pm

monseychick wrote:

SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE...

Respect..

You live in a place like Lakewood/Monsey/Willy where its financially beneficial to play the game...

how on earth would it be financially beneficial to cover my hair ... will monies grow under my hat ?!?!?!

zaq

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 6:58 pm

Protective coloration? When in Lakewood, dress as the Lakewoodians do?

If you do not cover your hair for shul I do not see why you would at a wedding. Just because other "born-again singles" choose to continue to cover their hair as they did when married does not mean you must follow suit.

OTOH if you do not cover your hair, you have to "do" something more with it as mother of the bride than you would as a plain guest. Might cost more to have it done than to buy a chic headdress. If you plan to do your own hair or have a friend do it, then do whatever makes you comfortable.

yo'ma

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 7:04 pm

My grandmother didn't cover her hair. By one of my siblings weddings, she covered her hair. She said she didn't it out of respect, but we all told her she doesn't have to because she usually doesn't anyway. She didn't for next ones. One does have to dress respectfully, but covering ones hair if they don't is not not respectful, imo.

naturalmom5

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 7:10 pm

greenfire wrote:

how on earth would it be financially beneficial to cover my hair ... will monies grow under my hat ?!?!?!

A naive little Harry

You put a smile on my face Surprised

Odelyah

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 7:34 pm

MaBelleVie wrote:

The mesader kedushin may request it for the chuppah.

Yes, and either way I was just going to recommend that if you think your not wearing a hat might in any way cause pre-wedding friction, between the couple or between your daughter and her future in-laws, then maybe you could just do it, as a gift for your daughter's shalom bayis and starting off her married life without any unnecessary added stress (however relatively minor it may be). And even if it annoys you, hopefully there will be so many other more powerful happy feelings going on for those few hours that any annoyance will be so outweighed that you'll forget all about it. Mazel tov!!! Very Happy

mille

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 7:38 pm

I don't cover my hair at weddings. The last wedding of a family member that I was "in", the mesader kiddushin didn't even bring it up, and I didn't cover my hair under the chuppah.

If it's normal to not cover your hair in your community, there's probably no reason you need to do it at a chuppah. If the mesader kiddushin asks you to for whatever reason, maybe see if there's any fabric from your dress (either from hemming it or getting it made) that you can get a doily made to pin to your hair that's easy to remove for pictures. Or a fascinator headband, the style is quite popular.

watergirl

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 7:42 pm

At my first wedding, we didnt ask the moms to cover their hair (they never do). My mom didnt, ex MIL wore a wig. It was really weird. At my second wedding, again, neither mother covers and we didnt ask, and they didnt cover. No one cared. Especially not me or DH.

PinkFridge

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 8:35 pm

When Rav Yaakov was asked what his minhag was as far as who walks the children down to the chuppah - their parents, or the fathers with the chosson and mothers with the kallah - he said, whatever the mechutanim's minhag is. I think he did half one way, half the other.
I'm not saying you should, and I'm so happy you and your dd are on the same page, but it's something to remember in a general way.

groisamomma

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 9:24 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

What is Rav Yaakov's last name?

Covering hair in shul has nothing to do with covering at a chuppa. Assuming your shul doesn't have mixed seating, the Aron Kodeah can't see your uncovered head and no men are making a Bracha while your head is in their sight. Under the chuppa the men make brachos directly facing a woman with uncovered hair.

But you need to do whatever you're comfortable with, greenie. Especially if nobody is demanding anything of you.

PinkFridge

Wed, Nov 05 2014, 9:45 pm

groisamomma wrote:

Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky.
I just wanted to make the point that it's not always a matter of principle or being right. Sometimes acting graciously and being mevater, or finding a middle ground, can bring the most joy and menuchas hanefesh. I am not saying that Greenfire should cover her hair. I'm just saying that this is a good thought to bear in mind in planning such a simcha as there are many things that come up.