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Forum
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-> Simcha Section
greenfire
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 Thu, Nov 06 2014, 5:25 pm
I wouldn't wear black to a funeral ... is it okay to write a note in the invitations NOT to wear black
thoughts please
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proudmother1
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 5:39 pm
Let's start with your opinion first.
What do you think?
Is it OK?
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Scrabble123
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 5:40 pm
Your invitations may say whatever you want them to!!!
Around here you wouldn't have many people in attendance: they don't even own non black items!
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amother
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 5:41 pm
How can you tell people which color to wear???
It's not a purim costume party!!! It's a formal wedding!
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Barbara
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 5:50 pm
| greenfire wrote: | I wouldn't wear black to a funeral ... is it okay to write a note in the invitations NOT to wear black
thoughts please |
No.
No no no no no.
This wedding is a major event for your family. Mazel tov.
Its not such a major event for that woman who usually sits near you in shul, and whose kids adore your DD. She'd love to come. She's happy for you. But she's wearing whatever it is that she wears to weddings, what she's comfortable in. And if you tell her that she's not welcome as she is, much less that she's got to go out and spend a couple of hundred dollars on a dress that she doesn't really want, she's going to RSVP no, and maybe move a few rows over at shul.
If your DD wants to see a rainbow of bright colors, how about buying lots of inexpensive pashminas that the girls and women can drape over themselves.
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sequoia
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 6:07 pm
I wear nice pastel colors to weddings, usually peach. I agree about not wearing black to a wedding.
However, many people have the mistaken belief that formal = black. They would be stuck with nothing to wear, and as Barbara said, would not appreciate having to buy a new outfit.
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amother
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 7:07 pm
| Barbara wrote: | No.
No no no no no.
This wedding is a major event for your family. Mazel tov.
Its not such a major event for that woman who usually sits near you in shul, and whose kids adore your DD. She'd love to come. She's happy for you. But she's wearing whatever it is that she wears to weddings, what she's comfortable in. And if you tell her that she's not welcome as she is, much less that she's got to go out and spend a couple of hundred dollars on a dress that she doesn't really want, she's going to RSVP no, and maybe move a few rows over at shul.
If your DD wants to see a rainbow of bright colors, how about buying lots of inexpensive pashminas that the girls and women can drape over themselves. |
Do you work in the fashion industry?
You're the most knowledgeable one here about this
Amother, only because I'm very shy about these topics
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greenfire
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 7:30 pm
don't worry I wouldn't really have the gall to ask it ...
except by my funeral NO black
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Barbara
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 7:37 pm
| greenfire wrote: | don't worry I wouldn't really have the gall to ask it ...
except by my funeral NO black |
We promise.
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cbsmommy
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 7:37 pm
| Barbara wrote: | We promise.
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Barbara -
Thank you.
I needed that.
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PinkFridge
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 7:39 pm
| Barbara wrote: | We promise.
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Whoa, this beats the pictures in King Peggy!
And I think you said it really well.
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greenfire
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Thu, Nov 06 2014, 7:40 pm
I knew I could count on you barbara  
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Ruchel
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Fri, Nov 07 2014, 5:14 am
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Full black is very not ok... rude... but again that's just my cultural colour (lol) on the matter.
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Raisin
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Fri, Nov 07 2014, 5:19 am
| sequoia wrote: | I wear nice pastel colors to weddings, usually peach. I agree about not wearing black to a wedding.
However, many people have the mistaken belief that formal = black. They would be stuck with nothing to wear, and as Barbara said, would not appreciate having to buy a new outfit. |
I just went to buy an outfit for a wedding. Obviously I am limited by tznius, so already my selection was limited. But there wasn't a great selection of colours in any case. And I'm not skinny, anything light coloured makes me look bigger. Plus I have a toddler so its a disaster waiting to happen. I ended up with a black dress. There are other colours I would prefer, but I have limited time, money and patience to spend on a dress I will wear for a few hours.
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Ruchel
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Fri, Nov 07 2014, 5:30 am
Sometimes flesh coloured or a more "popping" colour (mixed with black or not) can make one slimmer than plain black. Depends on cut, shape, material...
I wore a black (short) dress to a wedding, with a white shell and white necklace. It had some silver embroidery but when I see the pic I'm like what was I thinking!! it's a marriage!!
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Peanut2
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Fri, Nov 07 2014, 5:33 am
My SIL picked black for her many bridesmaids because there were so many, and so many competing requests and different body types and tzniut and non-tzniut related restrictions. Finally she said just everyone get a LBD (mine was less little due to frumkeit issues.) Worked out nicely.
Men certainly wear black to weddings, black tie optional and all. And now women wear black to weddings everywhere. It is not longer a thing.
Agree re pashminas, and there are lots of other chachkes you can buy to give to people to add color, like fans, ribbons, etc.
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ElTam
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Fri, Nov 07 2014, 6:22 am
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I feel you greenie. I was raised that you don't wear black at a wedding (it's not a funeral) and you don't wear white or red either, so as not to attract attention away from the bride. But black is what people wear to weddings in our town, with maybe 5% max of female guests not in black. I finally bought some black wedding wear because I got tired of sticking out like a sore thumb in my pink and purple and blue, although I try to mix it up with black and silver, black and cream, etc.
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Raisin
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Fri, Nov 07 2014, 6:49 am
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do Jewish people wear black to a funeral?
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amother
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Fri, Nov 07 2014, 8:44 am
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I just love black. Maybe it's the ex-Goth in me. I have made a huge effort to buy colors but I still prefer black.
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Lady Godiva
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Fri, Nov 07 2014, 8:56 am
| Barbara wrote: | ....
If your DD wants to see a rainbow of bright colors, how about buying lots of inexpensive pashminas that the girls and women can drape over themselves. |
This^.
Or get a bunch of brightly colored belly-dancing scarves. It'll add color to the place and everybody will have fun!
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