beg,borrow or steal

greenfire

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 6:52 am

seems like even making a minimum wedding cost thousands of dollars ... at what point do you beg, borrow or steal for one day

right now a barbeque in the back yard seems more practical ...

does it make a difference in your opinion in the future lives of the new couple - or is it all just frivolous

Ruchel

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 7:03 am

Of course it makes no difference even 6 months down the line... I wish we did something slightly smaller and especially fewer guests. We had more than 100. Forgot precise number. But it's no fun, too many people, even for dancing.

hila

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 7:22 am

Yet in a wedding there are two sides.

Fist ask the couple what they want. Then ask the boy's parents.
Then decide how much you can afford or are prepared to spend.
Be open and honest both with the couple and the mechutanim.

If they want something over your budh=get and can pay - let them.

Compromise.

Kriyat yam suf !

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 8:22 am

Free fire if you can make the trip to Lakewood they have stunning halls for really cheap a total wedding can cost you 3,000 each side and it's a gorgeous wedding. They are called takana weddings. People from all over come to Lakewood.

greenfire

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 8:24 am

& precisely how much do you think it would cost for everyone to travel to lakewood - considering nobody lives there

p.s. $6,000 is still monies not to mention all the little things that add up - like not going naked

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 8:33 am

I was just at a wedding in lakewood and the chosson and kallah were both from california. It was a beautiful hall ... just worked out cheaper for them.

But yeah, weddings are very, very expensive. Don't be uncomfortable to cut back. Just because everyone else does things one way shouldn't mean you have to also.

What is the most costly for you? The hall? The gifts? The clothing? You have no choice, you have to cut back.

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 8:37 am

My wedding from start to finish cost $2,500.

Hall ( social hall), food (buffet style deli ) flowers, (rented silk and leftovers from a previous simcha) pictures ( friend with Camara) music (dj) dress ( David's bridal $99 rack), ketuba (printed out from the computer)

Start to finish 2,500. Yes it's still money but its very doable. It's just not "done"

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 9:55 am

Where is the boys side from? You can drive to Lakewood from Cleveland. I know a lot of people that do it so obviously they found it much cheaper and worth if for them.

All I am saying is that maybe make a phone call.

Barbara

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 10:03 am

Go door to door fundraising?

Just kidding. I think that's ridiculous for a wedding.

You can only do what you can do. Give the couple your budget -- you can give them X. If they want to spend more, they'll have to find the money themselves.

If they were still in Israel, I'd suggest that they get married quietly there, then come back for a party. But since they seem to be here, go for something nontraditional. Get married early on a Sunday morning, and have a brunch reception. Or late on a weeknight, with a champagne and dessert reception. Think about a place that doesn't host a lot of frum weddings, and negotiate to bring in your own caterer/food, and have the wedding on a weeknight, when the place is usually vacant, for a deep discount. Think about January, which is a slow month for venues and caterers, so they might give you a break for the work.

Get a friend to DJ.

Go easy on the decor. Sure, people oooh and ahhhh there, but they forget it a week later.

And just remember, whatever the reception, the part that comes after is what is important.

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 10:18 am

Yes greenfire tiferes Devorah leksllah will give your daughter everything she needs for the wedding, housewares, two stunning shaitels and so much more. Please contact them your daughter deserves to feel special.

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 10:39 am

I'm not sure but I think tiferes devorah l'kallah is an amazing gemach but only for lakewood kallahs. But who knows? Maybe they changed the rules and help all kallahs! It's worth a call since if they can't help then maybe they can recommend another gemach that is not only a local one. B"H there are many so maybe someone here can recommend one that treats a kallah royally in a way that she does not feel she is getting from a gemach.

2 small recommendations:

Spend the minimum on invitations. Print them yourself or get the cheapest thing. NO ONE cares or remembers what the invitation looks like! It all goes in the garbage!

DO NOT pay for a band! Get a 1 man band -- that's all you need. They have good speakers that make the wedding sound loud and lively without the whole band.

Another thing .... you might not believe this now but you will probably post after the wedding that this fact is true: Somehow, even families with no money end up coming through and making a nice wedding. No one can actually explain it but without realizing it, Hashem will send you the money you need. Please confirm after the wedding that this was true for you too!

amother

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 11:05 am

We spent $1000 total, everything included, for a small chasuna in Brooklyn. The key is the number of guests. With a smaller number, you can get a small hall that people usually rent for bar mitzvahs.
We had 65 guests for the meal, but neither dh or I are from NY so we didn't have to cut down on guests. . We had no flowers. We created a playlist for the music. My gown was from a gemach and I bought a cheap sheitel online. I had no jewelry, except my wedding ring which made it look very special. We also went for the cheapest options for invitations and benchers, which some people skip. we asked all our friends to take pics hoping there would be good ones and there were
We paid for our own chasuna. No parents' help. I would think if parents organize the chasuna, it costs a bit more because the mother also needs a gown, etc.
People say chasunas in NY are expensive, which is true, but I found there are so many resources for frum needs, so it maybe balances out. I don't know about prices in Lakewood.
Our chasuna was very simple but very beautiful.

suzyq

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 11:08 am

We had our wedding in a friend's house. No hall costs. We found a very reasonable caterer who did a beautiful job. We had a kid who had previously only done Bar Mitzvahs do the music and he brought all the speakers and everything he needed for $50. I got my dress at a gemach. We did have some flowers but nothing over the top. Our whole wedding cost $3,500 - our biggest expense was food because we did a full sit-down meal, but I've seen people do buffet style which helps lower costs. It can be done, but everyone involved has to be willing. Not sure where you are having the wedding, but feel free to PM me and I can try to help with contacts.

Scrabble123

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 1:07 pm

amother wrote:

California to Lakewood is pretty typical. It's not just about saving money.

Anyways, my dream wedding would involve a max of 10 guests (that's really pushing it) including family, but I would probably spend money on the location.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Nov 10 2014, 1:47 pm

I'm a big fan of sharing your budget with the couple and having them decide how they would like to allocate the available funds. It encourages them to prioritize and to get creative.