beg,borrow or steal

Kitten

Tue, Nov 11 2014, 6:27 pm

southernbubby wrote:

If most of your guests are local, you could just do the meal for the family and out of town guests and let whoever wants come to dance after the meal.

This is usually self-understood. Unless people really insist to invite you or you know the people really well, you just come for the dance.

southernbubby

Tue, Nov 11 2014, 6:48 pm

This is usually self-understood. Unless people really insist to invite you or you know the people really well, you just come for the dance.

I am not so sure that this is self-understood in out-of-town communities. In NY, there are lots of simchas so people generally don't eat the meals there unless they are really close to the person inviting them but places like Cleveland, everyone is one big happy family and may feel like they are people that you know really well. There are also fewer chassunahs in out of town communities.

amother

Tue, Nov 11 2014, 6:52 pm

I was at a wedding recently in a state park conservatory. It was absolutely beautiful. The chuppa was around noon and then they served a light buffet lunch, I'm pretty sure it was all pareve, I don't recall any meat OR dairy. Soup, salad, pasta, roasted veggies, knishes.

They had a one man band (guy with a keyboard) and dancing was very lively. They hired 3 college kids who were getting their degrees in photography/journalism to take pictures. She posted some on Facebook and they are gorgeous.

When I came home I told my sister that it was such a breath of fresh air to go to a wedding where the simcha didn't get lost in the "simcha".

amother

Tue, Nov 11 2014, 7:22 pm

amother wrote:

I heard about a wedding where each table had a camera in the middle with a note telling people to please use the camera and take pics for them.

We had this at my sisters wedding. Total waste. Most people used it to take pictures of themselves or their friends at their table. And also majority of the people forgot to use the flash button.

DrMom

Tue, Nov 11 2014, 11:44 pm

Kitten wrote:

This is usually self-understood. Unless people really insist to invite you or you know the people really well, you just come for the dance.

This is strong function of your particular community. In my circles, "wedding invitation" = you are invited for the whole shebang.

DrMom

Tue, Nov 11 2014, 11:57 pm

If you're only going to invite people you know well for the meal, then maybe you can make it potluck? Set up a google doc excel page and list all the things you need and have all the close family and friends (those who live locally anyway) sign up.

Get really nice disposable plates/flatware.

This will only work if everyone is cool with everyone's kashrut.

Then you can invite a larger circle of friends for dancing.

amother

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 4:35 am

2nd hand and DIY!!!

* cater yourself/ buffet is the easiest

* cut the nr of guests

* print your own invitations or even cheaper: create a homepage with the invitation and send the link to the guests (let them rasap on the same hp/forum

* a teenage dj will be much cheaper than a band or musicians

* if you or a neighbor/friend has a reasonably sized garden, decorate it nicely with balloons/stuff from the one dollar store or

* dress from a gmach

33055

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 4:37 am

DrMom wrote:

This is strong function of your particular community. In my circles, "wedding invitation" = you are invited for the whole shebang.

Mine also, except friends of friends will show up uninvited also.

greenfire

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 4:58 am

if the venue is unique & not within the 3 mile radius - they're not going to come without a full invite

there are no rsvp cards - already cutting down that way - there is no way it would be mentschlich to do invites by computer - rsvp will be done that way

we cannot cook ourselves due to the short time between now & the wedding [even though I seriously considered it] also a lot of the guests will only eat from a caterer including but especially the rav

the elegant disposables - are too freaking expensive !!! shock

[we might have to stick with fancy paper which is actually more eco-friendly anyways]

Culturedpearls

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 5:02 am

The "problem" with weddings is that there are mechutanim who may have vastly different ideas about a simcha.
We would be happy to have a wedding in our home with the chuppa in our garden. A l'chaim buffet set up & an hour of dancing. After which everyone leaves & close family & friends sit down for a seuda.
Alas our mechutanim would have all had heart attacks. The incredible waste on flowers , band & food was overwhelming. The kids could have all bought homes instead or a good downpayment.
We are real pushovers though when it comes to keeping peace so
We gave into everyone's demands.

Ruchel

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 5:07 am

Kitten wrote:

This is usually self-understood. Unless people really insist to invite you or you know the people really well, you just come for the dance.

I am not familiar at all with this. People here invite fewer if need be, cheaper if need be... but no one comes just after the dessert, especially since often meal and dance are intertwined.

That said yes the problem is diff expectations on both sides.

greenfire

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 5:12 am

ruchel - in america there is a thought - you send an invitation without an rsvp - it means come for the chuppah and dancing if there is any by the kabolas ponim & in addition quite often the bochurim & the girls are invited only for the dessert & dancing - not even sure if they receive a formal invitation

yes it's a different culture

Culturedpearls

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 5:15 am

People spend money they don't have, on things they don't need to impress people they don't like!
Crazy waste for 1 night.
I think videos are also a waste. No one watches the whole thing anyway.
Who needs professional photos of all the guests & food?
To us it's not about the money but a lack of priorities.

greenfire

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 5:21 am

I promise if it weren't winter - I would totally do it my own way ... back yard - home cooking - lots of beer & maybe even a bonfire

a few nice things to dress it up like round tables & rustic table clothes - no flowers - but something creative

[I have s/t in mind but oh well it's not summer]

sky

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 6:48 am

greenfire wrote:

there are no rsvp cards - already cutting down that way - there is no way it would be mentschlich to do invites by computer - rsvp will be done that way

I know I"m going to get flack for this - because a wedding isn't about gifts and money - but to be realistic and fair to the new young coupel

RSVP cards are used by many to send a gift - even if $10. Like if you invite great aunt sally - she wants to give the young couple a gift - and if there is a rsvp card she can say no and send a small gift to the new couple, but if there is no RSVP card then she most likely will not because you have to look up an address, find a stamp, etc.

I know this isn't the reason to send RSVP cards.

but I have heard from people who did both ways that the couple got much less and it was from people who really would have wanted to give.

greenfire

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 7:02 am

sky wrote:

this was discussed ad nauseam - it's tacky/rude - if the person is of any standing relations or wealthy enough to share their monies - they will do so regardless of a little envelope with a stamp ... so for the 10 people who might do that - it's not worth the extra postage and/or the extra cost involved in making them & chances are they'll do it with their own card & envelope & stamp [the return address(es) will be on the invitation envelope - as governed by the united states postal service]

PinkFridge

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 8:07 am

DrMom wrote:

The venue could be a problem. Most Jewish institutions will insist on using approved hashgachos even if all the attendees trust each other.

Raisin

Wed, Nov 12 2014, 8:47 am

greenfire wrote:

definitely include your address with the rsvp information. eg please rsvp to greeniesddswedding@gmail.com or 1542 Green Way, Greensville, Greenland.

People often throw out the envelope.