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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
DH's students made fun of him
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amother


 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 2:57 pm
DH has been a rebbe for close to 20 years. We moved to a different city where it is almost impossible to get a rebbe position, so he took a chol position and a huge pay cut. He was so far relatively happy at the new school and job.

His job isnt paying enough, not by a long shot. I also work, but its still not close to enough. So, DH took a job in a local Jewish shop. He started a few days ago.

Yesterday, a student (8th grade), asked him if he works there. The boys all laughed at him (DH, not the boy). He left for work today in tears.

That boy was not at the store where DH works, which means that a parent must have seen him there and went home and repeated it to his son.

I wish I could call the principal and tell him that these kids should be ashamed.

I wish I could help DH hold his head high, but its hard. Moms, teach your kids that its never ok to make fun of anyone! And remember, they hear you and copy you. This kid only made my husband the butt of his joke because he heard his parents doing it.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 3:00 pm
Oy.. that's awful. No real advice,just hugs. Tell your husband that he's amazing for supporting you with whatever job it takes. There is nothing shameful about that or working at store.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 3:00 pm
well if your husband won't stand up to bullying how on earth will the kids learn anything ... I would give the kids a speech - one that at best would teach them not to embarrass other people
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 3:02 pm
What are these boys learning, to think that it's OK to make fun of a hard working man who is doing his best to support his family? The parents of those boys should be ashamed.

I have nothing but respect for anyone who is busting their tuchus to make ends meet. I don't care if he's the local garbage man or dog walker. Earning an honest living is an honorable thing to do.

Please feel free to read this to your husband.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 3:13 pm
Dear OP

I am very sorry that it happened to your husband! It is hard to start in a new place and settle for odd jobs to care for your family.

I find it weird though, that a bunch of silly boys could shake him up so much. Is your husband actually ashamed of his second job? He needs to analyze his reaction.
It is not normal for a teacher to be brought to tears by something like that. He is in a position of authority - of course, all the students are eager to find faults with him. In their eyes, everything that is less that perfect, will stand out. Things like this happen all the time.
So why is it actually a problem that they mentioned it at school? A teacher should brush it off, hold his head up high and say "Yes, I also work in a shop, do you have a problem with that? And if you don't pay attention at the lesson, you won't have a chance to even get this kind of job"
What exactly is so funny about it? It is a perfect teachable moment, where you take a harmful attitude, that a boy brought from home, and make him learn better.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 3:17 pm
Im op. Yes, DH is ashamed I think. He wasnt to begin with. And btw, its not a second job - its actually a third job! He has a sunday job as well!
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Heyaaa




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 3:25 pm
It is extremely admirable of a person to do what has to be done even if people judge you for it. When we get up there we will see an olam hafuch (upside down world). All these people who walked around high on themselves for baseless reasons will be respecting your husband who chose to support his family in an honest way.

These boys are still young and are learning how to be adults. If their parents never learned manners then maybe their kids still have hope.

If I were the teacher I would come in with an assignment to teach them about morals and integrity and about being a man and providing for your family regardless of how flashy the job is. I wouldn't say it has anything to do with myself and my job as a clerk because then they would think I'm being defensive and they wouldn't internalize the message.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 3:28 pm
OP, true story:

My father is a Viet Nam vet. He is also an expert computer programmer, carpenter, landscaper, electrician, and many other things.

After the economy tanked and his last job went bankrupt, he searched for years to find a job. Sending out resumes and going on interviews was his full time job. Finally, a friend of a friend found him something to do.

He ended up shoveling manure from horse stables. You read that right. 40 hours a week of cleaning stables. An you know what? He thanked G-d every day for that job! He praised G-d for the fresh air, for having muscles that worked, for the beautiful horses, and for the kindness of his employers.

Unfortunately, the economy eventually hit the stables as well, the owners had to sell off their horses, and my dad was out of work again.

Two more years of unemployment, and he finally landed a job working at a gas station for a grocery store chain. He hated every minute of it, but he still thanked G-d for the income. Eventually he got promoted to the deli department, which he also hated, but at least he was warm and dry inside, so he thanked G-d for that, too.

After 2 years on the job, he finally got promoted to the sporting goods department, which he loves.

Through all of that, my respect for him has only grown and grown. To me, my dad is a real hero, and one of the finest men I've ever been privileged to know.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 3:35 pm
amother wrote:
Im op. Yes, DH is ashamed I think. He wasnt to begin with. And btw, its not a second job - its actually a third job! He has a sunday job as well!


Please give your husband a message for me. He rocks. Three jobs? Wow, just wow.

He needs to stand tall and be proud of what he's doing. There is no shame in any job.
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black sheep




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 3:45 pm
OP, your husband has my respect. He is a responsible father and husband, and a good man with an honest work ethic, and a great role model for his students.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 3:52 pm
yes - kudos to your husband for doing whatever it takes ...

hold your head up HIGH hold your head UP Music
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Volunteer




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 5:58 pm
imaima wrote:
Dear OP

I am very sorry that it happened to your husband! It is hard to start in a new place and settle for odd jobs to care for your family.

I find it weird though, that a bunch of silly boys could shake him up so much. Is your husband actually ashamed of his second job? He needs to analyze his reaction.
It is not normal for a teacher to be brought to tears by something like that. He is in a position of authority - of course, all the students are eager to find faults with him. In their eyes, everything that is less that perfect, will stand out. Things like this happen all the time.
So why is it actually a problem that they mentioned it at school? A teacher should brush it off, hold his head up high and say "Yes, I also work in a shop, do you have a problem with that? And if you don't pay attention at the lesson, you won't have a chance to even get this kind of job"
What exactly is so funny about it? It is a perfect teachable moment, where you take a harmful attitude, that a boy brought from home, and make him learn better.



LOL
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amother


 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 7:15 pm
Op here. Dh is home. He td me it was actually 3 different kids who DID come into the store and saw him there. He brushed it off but felt there was a strong element of meaness in their voices.
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busymom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 18 2014, 7:36 pm
Like the others, I think he deserves credit for working so hard to support his family. However, I'm not sure that a lecture about morals and ethics, and the value of supporting a family, will work. This is an age where kids can be mean, and if he comes across a little less than completely confident - like he is really a little embarrassed about the job himself (which I think is probably the case and the reason he took it so personally) - they'll ridicule him even more.

I think the chizuk from everyone above is for HIM. As far as the kids are concerned, he has to be totally cool about it. "Yes, I work in the afternoon. I get to see all the new books as soon as they come out! If you boys want to visit me, I can try to show you around a little... And btw, does anyone here have a relative in the publishing business..."

Whatever they intend as an insult, he can turn around, like it is something totally cool and fun. (My briefcase is old? I know! I'm trying to see how many years I can get out of it... Guess what year I purchased it?!")
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 19 2014, 8:50 am
Teacher married to teacher.

Here are some random thoughts

LUCKY HIM that in 20 years of his carreer he never encountered that. Lucky him.

If he cries easily, he can spiral down. Believe me on that. He needs to learn not to take teens seriously.

If you call the principal you make it a big deal and show he was hurt. Never show hurt.

Maybe he could casually share he has this job. Or just ignore, unless they repeat.

No, no. Teens don't just copy their parents. I'm sure you realize the peers are a huge influence and so is the external world.
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DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 19 2014, 9:35 am
I don't understand what is shameful about working in a store.

These boys (or their parents) sound like they have very warped values.
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 19 2014, 9:43 am
Don't blame it on parenting. 8th graders can be really really awful. Grades 8 and 9 are the toughest to teach IME. He cannot let them know they ruffled him. He can hold his head high and keep teaching, and remind them that disrespect- towards him or towards each other- is not acceptable. But yeah, don't get too down about what a bunch of 13 year olds have to say. 13 is a really annoying age- both for the kids and the adults that have to deal with them.
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Learning




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 19 2014, 9:57 am
Boys are extremely mean to some of the chol teachers in my boys upper elementary and high school. It is really disturbing. They are so tired in the afternoon and it is a sport for them to have fun with/at the chol teachers. They are very very chutzpadik.
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 19 2014, 12:53 pm
I don't understand what's wrong with working in a shop.


It may give you some comfort that when this kid is older and working at a shop too, he may be mortified and ashamed about his previous conduct.
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TwinsMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 19 2014, 12:57 pm
What is WITH kids these days? (I can't believe I'm saying that at only 40 years old).

My husband has been in education his whole career.



He's currently being made fun of for the following:



1) He "only" works as a one on one aide and not as an actual teacher.

2) He DOES have a second job as a teacher but it's in a Reform temple so he must be a [gentile].

3) He shaved off his beard (AFTER speaking to our Rav) so he must be a [gentile].

4) His mother died because he shaved off his beard.

5) He's a BT, so he went to "Yeshivas 'I once ate pork'"

6) He must have been "demoted" because last year he worked at school x and this year he works at school y (x is the "frummer" school).

7) His student must be off the derech because last year he went to school x and this year he goes to school y.

8) He's fat (actually he just lost 50 pounds and he holds steady around 220 pounds at 5'10" -- he's chubby, but not FAT)--- doesn't stop the little jerks from singing "What do you do with that big fat butt".

9) Our kids have intense behavioral special needs----- he gets treated to re-enactments of their severe behavior episodes witnessed in public.

10) "Is your kid still a [slow person]?"

11) Our almost 8 year old has hypotonia and still needs a stroller for Shabbos walks. One bratty kid comes up to him every day and says "WALK MUCH?"

12) Because they know he doesn't make much money (he makes about $20,000 a year)--- we MUST be supported by rich people in the community. (Actually, I work too, you little brats--- no support here).

13) our kids go to public school so he must be a [gentile].



It's so much that I'd love him to leave the field and do something else--- but education is his life and what he's good at. He'd like to go back to a teaching position making $60,000 or so, but for now he's underemployed but happy with his job. If I could just wring the necks of some of the little brats at that school......

I am 100% convinced that the middos of my kids' classmates in public school are better than the middos of a large percentage of kids at the JEWISH school where my husband works and that saddens me SO greatly.
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