normal 5 year old behavior?

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 12:36 pm

5 year old dd has never been an easy child. She has a list of issues that I wont get in to, but her tantrums seem to be getting worse. I know all kids tantrum at some point, but today this is what happened:

Dd was drinking something at breakfast. She handed me the cup and said "im done". 2 year old ds asked for the cup so I gave it to him. Immediately after this, dd screams she is thirsty and wants her cup. Throws herself to the floor and continues to cry for the next 20 minutes about the cup.

Is this normal for a 5 year old? I could understand a 2 year old, but at 5?

vicki

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 12:56 pm

It could be normal in that other 5 year olds that exhibit otherwise normative behavior might similarly tantrum. (mine does once in a while for similar issues - usually when he is tired)
But if it is a pattern she might need to learn some coping skills. You say there are other issues. Maybe it is related. Maybe not.

ElTam

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 1:47 pm

Is she getting enough one-on-one time with you? Are there things that are "just hers" that the two-year-old isn't allowed to take? This sounds more like a "I have some emotional needs that aren't getting met" issue than an age-related issue, given what she reacted to.

What do you do when she tantrums?

flowerpower

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 1:49 pm

Make sure to give her a lot of attention and love but at the same time stay consistent with the response to her behaviors. Explain to her how to communicate instead of throwing tantrums. Throwing tantrums at this age is still normal for some kids.

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 2:52 pm

Op here.

My 2 yo b is always giving her his things because she whines for them all the time. She never tells him thank you, she just whines and complaines that he only gave her x ammount. I have 2 other kids who do not behave like her. She gets plenty of attention. She doesnt kniw how to regulate her emotions, even though we work on this a lot. She also doesnt listen, tat k es on her siblings,and whines constantly.
At school she does fine.

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 2:58 pm

She also seems to have no awarness of others. She runs in front of my other kids and pushes them out of the way. Ds will cry that she hurt him and she just goes about her buisness like nothing happened. We make her apologize, which she does, but she has no idea what for. Even if my 2 year old makes the baby cry, he immeadiatly says sorry, with out me asking him to.

Also, her tantrums can be about anything. Not just her wanting something that my other kids have.

Chippies

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 6:50 pm

You mentioned that at school she does fine. I think that's the most important thing. Does she do well socially? When she has a play date, would she have her usual type of tantrum or is she always well behaved? If it's only behaviour that she has when she's around you and her siblings, then I think it is an attention thing. Try speaking to someone you trust for parenting advice (either a professional of some sort or a friend/mentor) and be very specific with the issues and how to deal with them. Hopefully it's just a phase.

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 8:51 pm

op here.
I did say that she does fine at school. she does not tantrum and she does follows directions well. She plays well with other children, but this is her third year in school and she does not talk to the morah's. Her first year she really did not talk at all, and now she will answer questions with one or two words, but she doesn't really say more then that. She will sing in circle time with everyone, and she will get up in front of the class, but she will not speak in front of the class more then a couple of words, and only when asked. She has no problem performing things like the chanukah play, as long as she is singing and dancing with everyone and not by her self.

She does not tantrum during play dates, but with some of her closer friends, she will start getting very wild and hyped up and I can't get her to calm herself, even if the other child is totally calm and not running around and speaking really loud like she is.

She is also a heavy chewer. She has a chewy necklace, but we have been through a ton of them because nothing has held up to her chewing so far.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 9:57 pm

amother wrote:

Yes, ive read "the out of sync child"

Do you feel that you've gained some insight into your child? Have you been able to implement any techniques? If not, you may want some professional guidance.

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 10:06 pm

I try to implement it, but she is so unpredictable that what helps one day may not help the next. One day she will be great and the next its a total disaster. I try to be consistant and have routine but it all depends on her mood... I try to calm her down v efore she explodes, but it usually happens so fast...
We do weighted blanket, resistance bands, jumping etc...

amother

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 10:08 pm

Not sure how to go about getting her help. Im doubting insurance will cover anything.
Do I call a therapist or ot directly, her school? pediatrician?

I cant afford private ot right now

MaBelleVie

Mon, Nov 24 2014, 11:27 pm

You can call your insurance company and find out what your benefits are, and if applicable ask for a list of providers in your area. Also ask her teacher or the head of the preschool if services are available through the department of education.

Her selective mutism may be related, or not. Definitely a good chance that it is.

amother

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 12:00 am

Talk to your pediatrician about a neuro - psych eval. I'm a special ed provider in the Midwest and your best bet for insurance coverage is s diagnosis code. If you can get a referral to a competent neuro-psych, based on your descriptions you'll probably get an asd code and your insurance will cover the ot.

This doesn't mean your dd is definitely on the spectrum, it means that she's presenting with behaviors that mimic those of some children on the spectrum. You're more likely dealing with intense sensory issues, but the behaviors are very similar in little kids, and that diagnosis code is the key to the therapies that can change your child's life. (And yours Smile

)

amother

Tue, Nov 25 2014, 9:22 am

Thanks. I know it sounds silly, but I also work with kids with asd. I can see how my description of dd would sound like someone with asd, but I know thats not it.
Im not sure anyone would diagnose her with that, and im not really looking to get the school involved. If she gets an asd diagnosis she will get an iep, etc. If I really thought that was the issue, of course I would want that diagnosis and the best care for her, but since im sure it isnt, I dont want to go that route...