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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
yo'ma
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 3:27 pm
I'm not thinking of anything in particular, just in general. If it depends, then please share on what, etc...
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amother
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 3:37 pm
To keep the peace, lemaan hashalom, you can lie. This heter could be interpreted very broadly though...
Personally, I think half truth is still the truth. But I would consider the relationship tainted by dishonesty if it became a regular thing towards a specific person.
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singleagain
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 3:42 pm
I think a question like this, is highly situational.
depending on what you omitting form who, and why... like, certain things that ppl omit in shidduchim, bc they think getting married will "cure" the person, is a lie and a fantasy bc that doesn't happen
I once scrapped a car in a parking lot, left a note, with my mobile and email, and the guy called me, and I made arrangements directly with him, to fix it, without getting insurance involved bc it was on $50, I didn't tell my parents, (not right away) I don't think that was a lie, bc I was being responsible and taking care of it.
so, if omitting something will have ramifications especially for someone else, later on, yes, it is a lie
if it is being omitted bc you are being responsible and taking care of it, no... I don't think it's a lie
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Miri7
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 3:45 pm
It depends completely upon the situation. An omission could be a lie, or it could be the correct thing to do.
If you feel bad about the omission then it's likely not the right thing to do!
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tigerwife
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 4:15 pm
In court, you take an oath to say the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
In real life, sometimes it's appropriate to leave out some info for the sake of shalom.
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Heyaaa
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 4:30 pm
Whether or not it's a Liz, it is deceitful. But whether it is deceitful or a lie still does not mean it needs to be said.
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nyer1
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 4:58 pm
Example of a huge lie that I experienced recently in redding a chiding:
Not mentioning you were married before. Major omission, majorly deceitful, huge lie!
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amother
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:01 pm
tigerwife wrote: | In court, you take an oath to say the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
In real life, sometimes it's appropriate to leave out some info for the sake of shalom. |
Actually only your answers have to be the truth. You can leave out what isn't asked.
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amother
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:02 pm
amother wrote: | Actually only your answers have to be the truth. You can leave out what isn't asked. |
The whole truth...
Is it considered perjury if you don't say the whole truth?
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amother
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:22 pm
singleagain wrote: | I think a question like this, is highly situational.
depending on what you omitting form who, and why... like, certain things that ppl omit in shidduchim, bc they think getting married will "cure" the person, is a lie and a fantasy bc that doesn't happen
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for example when I got married we ask if he got along with his roommates in yeshiva... answer: yes... truth: he had his own room because he could not get along with anyone else
did he ever get in trouble for s3zual behavior... answer: no.. truth: he was doing a lot of s3zual things with another bocher in yeshiva way beyond what is considered excusable.
GUESS WHAT?! I DIDN'T CURE HIM BUT I DID DIVORCE HIM!
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ROFL
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:31 pm
did he ever get in trouble for s3zual behavior... answer: no.. truth: he was doing a lot of s3zual things with another bocher in yeshiva way beyond what is considered excusable.
For heavens sake ! What behavior like thus is considered excusable ?
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amother
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:32 pm
ROFL wrote: | did he ever get in trouble for s3zual behavior... answer: no.. truth: he was doing a lot of s3zual things with another bocher in yeshiva way beyond what is considered excusable.
For heavens sake ! What behavior like thus is considered excusable ? |
a lot of guys in yeshiva will play around with other guys. its unacceptable, but doesn't mean that they are gay.......... his behavior was way past that: as in his magic shier knew that he had o.. and a.. etc.
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ROFL
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:35 pm
Big hugs to you so glad you got out of this marriage.
Did he come out as a gay or is he still pretending to be a frum boy who wants to get married!
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amother
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:40 pm
ROFL wrote: | Big hugs to you so glad you got out of this marriage.
Did he come out as a gay or is he still pretending to be a frum boy who wants to get married! |
He did not officially come out, but people found out because when I was separated some "stuff was revealed." He also suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He is not looking to get married, and I do not believe he ever will. If someone asked me for information on him, I'm not sure what I would say, but I would not let a woman get married without knowing the facts about his orientation and certain outlandish behaviors. Period.
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Dolly Welsh
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:47 pm
Yes.
Do it if you feel it's necessary, but don't kid yourself it's anything else.
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ROFL
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:50 pm
amother wrote: | He did not officially come out, but people found out because when I was separated some "stuff was revealed." He also suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He is not looking to get married, and I do not believe he ever will. If someone asked me for information on him, I'm not sure what I would say, but I would not let a woman get married without knowing the facts about his orientation and certain outlandish behaviors. Period. |
Thank you for your honesty! As a mother of children who really need shidduchim I applaud it!
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amother
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:52 pm
This should be a spinoff, omitting crucial information for a shidduch. Total lie. And painful subject for many.
Not OPs question...
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amother
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:53 pm
amother wrote: | This should be a spinoff, omitting crucial information for a shidduch. Total lie. And painful subject for many.
Not OPs question... |
She said that if it depends, please explain for what. I guess that that is her question then, which is why I shared information about my marriage. BTW, why are you amother?
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FranticFrummie
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Mon, Nov 24 2014, 6:53 pm
I think the answer to the question is, who is the omission going to hurt?
Sometimes, omitting crucial information will hurt someone badly.
Other times, giving information that you should have kept to yourself can hurt someone just as badly.
If you're speaking or omitting information, you should always ask yourself if you're doing it for your own convenience, and what the consequences of your choices are going to be.
Will you be comfortable answering for your choices in the Heavenly Court?
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