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-> Working Women
Learning
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 Fri, Dec 05 2014, 6:21 am
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He is abusing you and you are letting him. I think you have to learn to be more assertive and have strong boundaries. Maybe you should go to therapy and learn to be stronger.
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amother
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 8:31 am
| amother wrote: | Ah, but now that OP has told us she's divorced, it is, unfortunately, a horse of a different color.
Unfortunately, and unfairly, many men think that divorced women are available and will flirt beyond boundaries to see what they can accomplish.
This probably has to do with the fact that a. they're not married b. they have no husband to serve as protector c. they have been married and therefore have experience.
So now I think OP has to be triply careful, because if she were married the pig would have some fear of a husband getting angry. He really may be trying to start something and OP has to make very very firm boundaries. |
Re: the bolded, you are so so right about that. BTDT. Yuck!
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lakewood mom
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 8:44 am
| mom2dkay wrote: | Does ultra orthodox always equal CHASSIDISH?
You ARE generalizing. |
Ultra orthodox doesn't always equal chassidish- obviously. In this particular case and what others and myself have observed is that it USUALLY occurs with chassidish men. There is more gray and defined boundaries in the litvish world- even within the more sheltered.
I can't keep apologizing. It seems some ppl just like to look for things to argue about. I'm also ultra orthodox and this isn't/wAsnt about bashing. This was about offering some insight to the OP in justifying the boss' inappropriate behavior. Not validating- just justifying. Yes, it's still wrong and as an adult in the working world he must know the social norms- but I was just trying to shed some light.
Before more ppl get insulted, I will reiterate. I wasn't looking to equate ultra orthodox with chassidim. In my experience and speaking with others, we've found that it's the sheltered chassidim more than the sheltered litvaks that MAY struggle with the op's boss' issues. Again, the reason being is that it's more black and white by chassidim than litvish. I'm not pointing fingers or criticizing any systems- just stating my observations.
(Working with teens that went off, I have observed that chassidish ones go off much "harder"- tattoos and all... Being that litvish have more gray areas and are taught Halacha vs chumrah, they can drop a few things while still being "on." However, when concepts aren't defined, ppl may feel once u stop doing something- it's wrong- so u can do whatever you want. Like said op boss. )
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amother
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 9:47 am
| Learning wrote: | | He is abusing you and you are letting him. I think you have to learn to be more assertive and have strong boundaries. Maybe you should go to therapy and learn to be stronger. |
I'm extremely assertive and have boundaries and actually many people cannot tolerate that about me, and responding that a question is innaporpriate was acceptable until now. I never thought of him as a pervert which would require different answers, but I'm still not so certain he is. I would have to find a professional who knows him or secretly get one to meet him to find out his intentions and I'm not sure that's possible. Let's see if talking to him helped.
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amother
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 9:48 am
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So OP is he chassidish or not?
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Frumdoc
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 9:55 am
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Asking a colleague about zex related issues such as viagra or hair removal is never ok. Frum or not frum, unless you are close friends who are happy to discuss such issues in and out of work, in which case you wouldn't be asking the question.
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CatLady
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 10:16 am
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OP, I'd start jobhunting ASAP if I were you. Whether he's Merv the Perv or just born without any social skills whatsoever, the end result is the same and it's enough to make any coworker cringe.
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MomTu
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 10:32 am
| CatLady wrote: | | OP, I'd start jobhunting ASAP if I were you. Whether he's Merv the Perv or just born without any social skills whatsoever, the end result is the same and it's enough to make any coworker cringe. |
Op mentioned that she is second to the boss at work.
She does not want to leave this job, that's possibly the reason why she originally chalked it up to stupidity, when in reality it is way worse!!!!
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CatLady
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 11:25 am
| Quote: | Op mentioned that she is second to the boss at work.
She does not want to leave this job, that's possibly the reason why she originally chalked it up to stupidity, when in reality it is way worse!!!! |
With her skills, she can get a similar job in an organization that has a zero-tolerance policy for harassment. Personally, working with a boss like that would take away from any potential enjoyment of the job. I'd dread going to work, in fact.
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amother
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Sat, Dec 06 2014, 8:43 pm
| amother wrote: | | Re: the bolded, you are so so right about that. BTDT. Yuck! |
Same here. Op he is totally grooming you for an affair and you're engaging him in conversation instead of shutting him down. Which is so gross since he is married and frum. I agree that you should report him and find a new job unless you like this attention?
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mandr
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Sat, Dec 06 2014, 10:20 pm
| amother wrote: | | asked me out of the blue about Viagra |
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Learning
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Sat, Dec 06 2014, 10:42 pm
| amother wrote: | | I'm extremely assertive and have boundaries and actually many people cannot tolerate that about me, and responding that a question is innaporpriate was acceptable until now. I never thought of him as a pervert which would require different answers, but I'm still not so certain he is. I would have to find a professional who knows him or secretly get one to meet him to find out his intentions and I'm not sure that's possible. Let's see if talking to him helped. |
How can you not sure he is a pervert. Nonody in the word except of Dh would dare to ask me if I shave down there. Are you serious??!!! I'm starting to doubt your common sense. This is so disrespectful disgusting and creepy. How dare he? You should just slap him on the spot if you could. Without a word. There is no discussions in this situation. It is beyond any discussion with him. Who cares what his intentions are??!!
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amother
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Sun, Dec 07 2014, 12:20 am
| Quote: | | I never thought of him as a pervert which would require different answers, but I'm still not so certain he is. I would have to find a professional who knows him or secretly get one to meet him to find out his intentions and I'm not sure that's possible. |
Your boss asked if you shave your bikini area. Do you really need a professional to tell you he's a pervert?  OP, you sound very naive and trusting, even if you think you aren't. Please be careful.
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