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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
seeker
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 7:31 am
No, I really truly think that even being a little miffed over this is too much. No insult or offense occurred and there is no point in looking for one. I have never in my life felt inclined to analyze an invitation this way. I have received various forms of partial invitations and all I have ever thought is "How nice, so-and-so is making a simcha and thought of me. Is the date convenient to attend?" The baalei simcha should not have to stress over such insignificant details lest they become victims of loshon hara or whatever; the obligation against loshon hara is on the OTHER people, it is on the recipient to judge the baalei simcha kindly if at all.
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Ruchel
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 7:36 am
Hence why I don't do splitting, oh you are ok for kidush but won't see your face at dinner. RUDE.
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seeker
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 7:41 am
One baal simcha I know had an issue at the printer and didn't receive his invitations until a few weeks after he had ordered them to be ready. That would easily explain why something might request an earlier response and then end up being mailed out later. Stuff happens. Stop judging and trying to take offense. If you're interested in increasing ahavas yisrael, start with yourself.
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ValleyMom
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 7:47 am
"If I'm interested in increasing Ahavas Yisroel I should start with myself."
What a wonderful suggestion.
I'm assuming you follow your own suggestions as well... being that the tone was a tad self righteous.
I am off to perform some random acts of kindness Ladies... so glad I'm on this web site, I would NEVER have thought of increasing my Ahavas Yisroel what a fabulous idea!!
Oh look- A little old lady with so many shopping bags trying to cross a busy boulevard... Wait lady I'm cooooooming to help!!!!
:-)
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seeker
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 7:57 am
ValleyMom, I was responding to this amother:
amother wrote: | Why can't the Baal simcha just pay a few extra dollars and order the cheapest regular invitation and a small card for the party during the week. It does not cost that much extra money and maybe not hurt people's feelings. For the fifty extra dollars (maybe that much) there will be a lot less loshon harah spoken amongst your friends of who got the full invitation and a lot more ahava between people. Very easy just say stop acting like a baby but people are human and have feelings. |
Because the idea that the way to increase ahava between people is to avoid tear-off invitations is just so absurd to me. It seems to me that the ahava problem is with the person who says the baal simcha should go out of their way over this narishkeit and get all upset over it, rather than with the baal simcha who is just innocently trying to invite as many friends as they can for whichever portion they can afford. If someone is going to be judgmental about the tackiness level of someone else's invitation style, then they are the one with the ahava problem, not the person who sent the invitation.
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amother
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 8:02 am
You are hurting people's feeling by tearing off the invitation. It's just something very tacky looking when you get it. If you want to invite your entire shul for the kiddish only that is fine and understandable. But why use such a style invitation. Nobody expects to be invited to everyone's entire bar mitzvah but here you are putting it in their face.
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Simple1
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 8:17 am
OP is not upset at not being invited. She's offended that they did an actual concrete action - ie tearing the inviation - to NOT invite her - and didn't bother to be discreet about it.
It's less offensive if they have two sets of invitations and one set is significantly scaled down. I get postcards all the time to a bar mitzva kiddush without being invited to the main party and it's no big deal.
Also keep in mind that some people have smaller families and not so many friends and aren't so inundated with invitations, so not getting invited can be disappointing.
That said, making a simcha can be very stressful and it's hard to do everything the ideal way. So it's probably best to vent a little, acknowledge you're upset feelings, and then forgive and move on.
And to further DLKZ, you can wonder if they used the invitations in Barbara's post.
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anotherima
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Fri, Dec 05 2014, 8:26 am
That's interesting, I am always very happy if the baal simcha is able to save money on invitations, in whatever way they can. When I get such invitations it doesn't bother me.
Sometimes I get very fancy invitations costing ten dollars a piece and I think (for a second) what a waste, as I am tossing it in the garbage. But I tell myself to each his or his own!
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Emotional
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Sat, Dec 06 2014, 3:13 pm
amother wrote: | You are hurting people's feeling by tearing off the invitation. It's just something very tacky looking when you get it. If you want to invite your entire shul for the kiddish only that is fine and understandable. But why use such a style invitation. Nobody expects to be invited to everyone's entire bar mitzvah but here you are putting it in their face. |
Exactly. It's like seeing that the Baal simcha wrote your name down and then crossed it off.
Maybe the OP thought she was close with the baalei simcha, and it hurts to see her name nixed like that.
Like I wrote in a previous thread, people are entitled to have feelings. Yes a different perspective can help them perhaps change their feelings, but they are allowed to be human. And some people are more sensitive than others. Making them feel subhuman for the crime of having feelings will not make them less sensitive.
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ElTam
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Sat, Dec 06 2014, 4:49 pm
Except that as Barbara pointed out...it could be that she got the first invite in a stack of print-your-own invites. Times are tough and people are saving money wherever they can.
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shanie5
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Sat, Dec 06 2014, 9:22 pm
Of course they get lost in the mail. I have had invitations that were returned AFTER the simcha was over. And they were sent out in plenty of time.
And at my first bar mitzvah the invitations were also the perforated kind. It was what I was able to afford. I am sorry if s/o was offended by it, but I did not have the "few dollars more" for separate invites.
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