Letting a Baby Cry

amother

Sat, Dec 06 2014, 11:59 am

I don't know what to do. I have a pretty easy 5 mo. old baby. She usually goes to sleep fairly nicely, but sometimes she puts up a big fight. When I put her in bed, she cries and tries to get me to take her out. I s/t have to go back in forth putting a paci in every time it comes out or taking her out when I had enough of playing paci ping-pong.
Today, I was starting to lose it, so I decided to let her cry for 5 mins. After 5 mins., I went to her, gave her the paci. She started to calm down and fell asleep! It seemed like she had extra "energy" she had to get rid of and once she got rid of it, she was able to sleep.
Can I do this or is this not good for her emotionally? If I do it, do I have to use a whole methodology like CIO (which I am theoretically not so into) or can I just do it when the regular procedure of putting her to sleep/nap doesn't work?

heidi

Sat, Dec 06 2014, 1:24 pm

OP, I think you really know your baby-- you sensed that the 5 min. of crying let her release energy and she was then able to sleep.
She is very young, and I wouldn't advise more than 5-7 minutes, but if you see she consistently cries and then falls into a good sleep that is probably what she needed.
Smart mommy!

amother

Sat, Dec 06 2014, 2:13 pm

I discovered the same a few days ago w/ my 5 month baby boy.

I had been cosleeping and feeding on demand all night. I moved him into his own room, give him his paci. At first he fights sleep, spitting out his paci and crying. After maybe a minute, I go in, after he's had a good loud cry, and put his paci back in. He goes to sleep.

I am against CIO, but I think he needs that minute with no one around him to settle and realizes it's time to go to sleep, but because he spits out his paci, I have to put it in for him to go to sleep. I mean, imagine if you were being stared at and hushed when you were trying to sleep... I know it wouldn't help me sleep!

Sat, Dec 06 2014, 9:52 pm

amother wrote:

I would not let her cry. She might get used to crying before going to bed. It will be her routine and she will have to have it. I against CIO at all. I think it is bad for the baby. Rabbi Orloweck speaks strongly against it.

You are against CIO, and think it is bad for the baby. I am not against CIO, have done it, and call promise OP that her baby will not need to cry for five minutes every night as part of her bedtime routine. My kids go to sleep without crying, and are happy children. AND know full and well that Mommy is always there for them when they need her.

mandr

Sat, Dec 06 2014, 10:00 pm

kb wrote:

Same here. After 3 nights of crying, no more crying at night. I think that's better than t hese long drawn out complicated "gentle" methods which are really a nice way of saying "mommy and daddy will now be baby's slaves" with all the rubbing and patting and shushing and who-knows-what.

amother

Sat, Dec 06 2014, 10:51 pm

mandr wrote:

I put my baby in my bed and nurse in demand. It was easy and I didn't need to get up. I don't think CIO is only three nights. You have to redo it after the baby is sick or after a trip. Also you never know if at that certain night he is crying because of ear infection or fever. I know co sleeping is a huge commitment. But I could never let a baby cry.

mandr

Sat, Dec 06 2014, 10:57 pm

amother wrote:

At the age I was doing sleep training, my baby wasn't in our room. He did not need to eat each time he woke up (every 2 hours or so) - in fact, he went longer between meals by day! So he was most certainly not hungry. And a hungry cry sounds way different from a cry related to an ear infection. And fever is pretty obvious by checking baby's temperature.

Co-sleeping is not for lots of people. And of the people who choose to do it, many do it without the proper safety guidelines. For the first 4 weeks I had recurring nightmares of my baby falling off my bed. I woke up many times each night searching for my baby (he was in the crib adjacent to my bed).

"But I would never let a baby cry" - what do you do when you are driving and baby in the back seat is crying? What do you do when you are in the bathroom and baby in the bedroom is crying? Please. Crying is GOOD for a baby when all dangerous/serious concerns are taken care of.

I wonder how old your baby is. When your older baby is waking you up every 2 hours at night "on demand" and you are pregnant and or overworked or overtired, let's see how amazing this breastaurateur feels.

CIO is 3 nights the first time and like 2-3 nights when it comes to touchups (which don't happen every time a baby is sick, btw.)

amother

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 2:27 am

Am I the only one doing CIO and taking more than 3 nights? its been a week and baby still cries:(
Am I doing it wrong?
I do our night routine, then put him down in the crib. Then he cries! he's tired (but not over tired) but he just wont go down without a fight.
Amd according to CIO what do you do when baby wakes up in the middle ofthe night every 2-3 hours? let himcry again?
I really thought it would be 3 nights and Im so sad that it's taking longer.

Iymnok

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 4:44 am

amother wrote:

Is he actually tired?

amother

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 5:23 am

OP here.

Thanks everyone! You made me feel much better. I do try to put the baby to sleep when I see first signs of tiredness unless I am trying to get her to hold out to her bedtime. She does not always fight, but when she does, it's crazy! I am not the most patient person and sometimes (usually if it's the second nap/sleep of doing this) I really start to lose it.

I don't like the idea of CIO b/c obviously no one likes to hear their baby cry. But, the fact that I might lose it is even more distressing.

What I want to know is if I can use a combination of methods? A lot of times she's pretty easy. I might have to go back in once or twice to put her paci back in her mouth, but after that she sleeps and is fine. If this doesn't work, THEN can I do the CIO (b/c she either has too much energy or b/c she is being "needy" and wants me to nurse and nurse and nurse and nurse even when she is not hungry or she wants me to carry her around) or do I need to be consistent?

amother

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 7:43 am

Iymnok wrote:

Is he actually tired?

Definitely. He is half asleep while we are doing our night routine (in my hands...) but doesnt matter how gently I put him in the crib- he opens up his eyes and starts shouting when he realizes he's in the crib.

sorry op for hijacking your thread. I was going to open a new one but now that this is here it feels like Im wasting people's time...If it bothers you please tell me .

mandr

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 8:38 am

amother wrote:

He shouldn't be overtired either. It's best to put baby to sleep when he is awake. Otherwise he won't learn from the training.

mamitaly

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 10:32 am

http://www.amazon.com/Tears-Ta.....07366

I read this book "Tears and Tantrums", when my baby was little.

It explains why babies and children sometimes "need" to cry as a way to release tension, frustration, strong emotions, etc. It explains how to allow them to do this while making them feel secure. It is nothing to do with CIO, very far from that.
Sometimes letting them cry can"help" them more than trying to get them to stop at all costs.

skippingturtle

Sun, Dec 07 2014, 10:53 am

I think it is ok to let a baby cry to release some of that energy/get used to the idea for a little bit. IMHO I do not agree with letting a baby scream for a long time, but I have allowed my babies to fuss and cry for 5-10 minutes, and usually they fall asleep if I do not intervene. If it is longer than that I will see if something else is going on. Does your baby sleep in a quiet room where there is no interruption? It can be bad for some babies sleep if they sense others in the room with them because it makes them want to wake up. I don't really agree with CIO, but I don't think it's going to psychologically harm a child to cry a little bit.