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Letting a Baby Cry
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 10:55 am
MaBelleVie wrote:
Please elaborate, including sources for this statement.

http://www.thehealthsite.com/p.....d114/

I'm not saying it's fine to let a baby cry endlessly (and I definitely wouldn't do that) but it's ok to let your baby cry for 5 minutes. Really.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 11:03 am
mandr wrote:
http://www.thehealthsite.com/pregnancy/5-reasons-why-crying-is-actually-good-for-your-baby-d114/

I'm not saying it's fine to let a baby cry endlessly (and I definitely wouldn't do that) but it's ok to let your baby cry for 5 minutes. Really.


That supports the exact opposite of what you wrote LOL

I have no issue with babies crying from time to time but I'm wondering why you say it's good for them.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 11:08 am
kb wrote:
You need to be consistent to her, not to a method or book.


From original OP: what do you mean by that? can you elaborate?
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 11:11 am
amother wrote:
Definitely. He is half asleep while we are doing our night routine (in my hands...) but doesnt matter how gently I put him in the crib- he opens up his eyes and starts shouting when he realizes he's in the crib.

sorry op for hijacking your thread. I was going to open a new one but now that this is here it feels like Im wasting people's time...If it bothers you please tell me .


Happy to let you hijack! Thank you for asking Smile As long as we remain co-pilots and all the questions are resolved, I'm Smile!
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smss




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 11:21 am
amother wrote:
Am I the only one doing CIO and taking more than 3 nights? its been a week and baby still cries:(
Am I doing it wrong?
I do our night routine, then put him down in the crib. Then he cries! he's tired (but not over tired) but he just wont go down without a fight.
Amd according to CIO what do you do when baby wakes up in the middle ofthe night every 2-3 hours? let himcry again?
I really thought it would be 3 nights and Im so sad that it's taking longer.


how old is your baby?
he might REALLY not be ready for this.

how old is he?
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 11:22 am
amother wrote:
From original OP: what do you mean by that? can you elaborate?

It's best to employ the same strategies for each time the baby goes to sleep, daytime naps, nighttime sleep, beginning of night, end of night, etc. Also, you and all caregivers (dh, babysitter) should follow the same techniques.
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 11:22 am
smss wrote:
how old is your baby?
he might REALLY not be ready for this.

how old is he?

Excellent point. Please elaborate on your baby's age and whether you nurse him or formula-feed.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 11:43 am
mandr wrote:
It's best to employ the same strategies for each time the baby goes to sleep, daytime naps, nighttime sleep, beginning of night, end of night, etc. Also, you and all caregivers (dh, babysitter) should follow the same techniques.


You are talking in terms of the crying, right? I obviously am not going to do bedtime routine for every nap. Also, I usually leave the light on during daytime naps if it's not light in the room (any nap b4 bedtime) so she should know it's day.
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Think1st




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 3:56 pm
Did you read the artscroll book Dr Adler ? with his 1st baby 1st time he let him cry, as soon there was silence his fatherly instinct told him to check it out, baby was blue.

So even if you feel you may need to let baby cry you should, peek in as soon as its quiet
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 4:12 pm
Think1st wrote:
Did you read the artscroll book Dr Adler ? with his 1st baby 1st time he let him cry, as soon there was silence his fatherly instinct told him to check it out, baby was blue.

So even if you feel you may need to let baby cry you should, peek in as soon as its quiet


For a mother it's always hard. When they're crying, we're thinking HELP and when they're quiet, we worry about them...
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 7:48 pm
Unfortunately for all you imamothers who so confidently say it's fine (and even better?!?!) for baby to cry.....research is actually against that. During infancy is when we develop our emotional sense of security and wellbeing and babies that are tended to right away have been shown to have better emotional health long term. Just wanted to put that out there.
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kb




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 9:19 pm
amother wrote:
Unfortunately for all you imamothers who so confidently say it's fine (and even better?!?!) for baby to cry.....research is actually against that. During infancy is when we develop our emotional sense of security and wellbeing and babies that are tended to right away have been shown to have better emotional health long term. Just wanted to put that out there.


If I ignored my baby every time she cried, I'd be a cruel mother. If I teach a baby who is old enough to be sleep trained that when she's in her crib it's sleeping time and mommy is not going to take you out at all (obviously, there are exceptions) then I am a good mother who is teaching her child how to go to sleep.

For the record, I still get up at night on occasion for my 3.5 year old. He knows if he needs me (bathroom, nightmare, or just to help him find his dropped stuffed animal) I'll always be there for him. But he goes to sleep without being rocked sang to etc... (we do have a nighttime routine, but I'm not sitting with him and cuddling him until he decides to go to sleep.)
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dr. pepper




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 9:39 pm
MaBelleVie wrote:
Please elaborate, including sources for this statement.


I think she means something like shaken baby syndrome.

As my dear mother told me after my first was born:
If the baby is screaming and screaming and nothing is helping and you feel like you might throw it out the window....that is totally normal. But dont do it!

Put the baby somewhere safe and GO AWAY!
Take a shower.
Listen to music with headphones.
Call someone to help distract you.
Go outside your house!

Because at the end of the day, no baby has ever died from crying...but they likely will from being thrown out the window.

Personally, I'm a huge believer that you have to do what works for you and be consistent and confident with it.
Hats off to all the co sleepers and never let my baby cryers.

I'd shoot myself. For real.

I do not have a high tolerance for lack of sleep.
With each child, I wait until I simply would rather let them cry it out than get up and deal with them.

It was a different age for each one, depending on them as a baby and the surrounding circumstances (ie: what number child, if I was working...).
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 9:46 pm
amother wrote:
Unfortunately for all you imamothers who so confidently say it's fine (and even better?!?!) for baby to cry.....research is actually against that. During infancy is when we develop our emotional sense of security and wellbeing and babies that are tended to right away have been shown to have better emotional health long term. Just wanted to put that out there.

Research also show that depressed and sleep-deprived mothers aren't very good mothers at all.
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dr. pepper




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 9:51 pm
mandr wrote:
Research also show that depressed and sleep-deprived mothers aren't very good mothers at all.


Love it!
This is why I cannot do the whole co sleep and never let your kid cry.
But that's me.
When friends called me for sleep advice (I had kids before most of my friends), I warned them all that this is how I do it and it might not work for them.

To each their own. Mine happens to be pretty tough and boot camp style. Works for me Very Happy ( and my kids I should add....who don't seem to messed up for that matter)
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 10:00 pm
dr. pepper wrote:
Love it!
This is why I cannot do the whole co sleep and never let your kid cry.
But that's me.
When friends called me for sleep advice (I had kids before most of my friends), I warned them all that this is how I do it and it might not work for them.

To each their own. Mine happens to be pretty tough and boot camp style. Works for me Very Happy ( and my kids I should add....who don't seem to messed up for that matter)


I honestly cannot understand how people co-sleep with their babies (or even their spouses, for that matter). How do either of them get decent solid sleep? I cannot sleep soundly with someone in my bed. In the early months when my baby didn't crawl around and he was sleeping long chunks at night (which stopped after 3 mos) I wanted to get some of the co-sleeping benefits so I just took him in my bed after the last feeding (around 5-6 o'clock) so by then I was more or less rested out.

I've seen my sil deal with her kids in the never-let-baby-cry way. It's pathetic, to be accurate. Scenario that happens each time I witness her bedtime (when we're together on Shabbos, for example). She puts kid into crib. Kid cries. She goes in and pats him and whatever and walks out after 10-15 minutes. Kid cries again and she goes in to sing to him for ages. Kid cries again. She brings kid out. Puts kid to bed when overtired and fallen asleep on father's lap. This being at 11pm (he's a 1 yr old). He is up the next morning at 7ish tired out of his mind. Same scenario repeats itself for naptime, but this time ending with him sleeping in carriage instead of father's lap. There is absolutely no schedule. Nothing can be planned because it all revolves around him. And you'll say he'll grow out of it right? Wrong, because same situation is still happening with their older child who is 6. He does not go to bed like a normal child. All because they couldn't bear to hear him cry. He nver learned how to go to sleep by himself. She still has to stay in the room with him till he falls asleep. Don't tell me that's normal.
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dr. pepper




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 10:05 pm
mandr wrote:
I honestly cannot understand how people co-sleep with their babies (or even their spouses, for that matter). How do either of them get decent solid sleep? I cannot sleep soundly with someone in my bed. In the early months when my baby didn't crawl around and he was sleeping long chunks at night (which stopped after 3 mos) I wanted to get some of the co-sleeping benefits so I just took him in my bed after the last feeding (around 5-6 o'clock) so by then I was more or less rested out.

I've seen my sil deal with her kids in the never-let-baby-cry way. It's pathetic, to be accurate. Scenario that happens each time I witness her bedtime (when we're together on Shabbos, for example). She puts kid into crib. Kid cries. She goes in and pats him and whatever and walks out after 10-15 minutes. Kid cries again and she goes in to sing to him for ages. Kid cries again. She brings kid out. Puts kid to bed when overtired and fallen asleep on father's lap. This being at 11pm (he's a 1 yr old). He is up the next morning at 7ish tired out of his mind. Same scenario repeats itself for naptime, but this time ending with him sleeping in carriage instead of father's lap. There is absolutely no schedule. Nothing can be planned because it all revolves around him. And you'll say he'll grow out of it right? Wrong, because same situation is still happening with their older child who is 6. He does not go to bed like a normal child. All because they couldn't bear to hear him cry. He nver learned how to go to sleep by himself. She still has to stay in the room with him till he falls asleep. Don't tell me that's normal.


I do agree with you. I just try to work on my live and let live attitude (because it doesn't come naturally to me LOL )
I've seen this in family and friends and it does drive me crazy.
I've told a friend who asked me for advice with her 9 month old. I said, it's not HEALTHY for him to be up 6 times a night! Babies do a ton of growing and developing and you are robbing him of that proper development.

There is a reason why sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Because it really messes with you. Now imagine a developing child!

I have learned to bite my tongue. I'm sure I do things others judge me for. But yes, I do agree with you.

I think it's misplaced rachmanus. Which never leads to anything good.
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 10:06 pm
mandr wrote:
At the age I was doing sleep training, my baby wasn't in our room. He did not need to eat each time he woke up (every 2 hours or so) - in fact, he went longer between meals by day! So he was most certainly not hungry. And a hungry cry sounds way different from a cry related to an ear infection. And fever is pretty obvious by checking baby's temperature.

And what does a teething cry sound like? Or a "I have a dirty diaper" cry?

mandr wrote:
Co-sleeping is not for lots of people. And of the people who choose to do it, many do it without the proper safety guidelines. For the first 4 weeks I had recurring nightmares of my baby falling off my bed. I woke up many times each night searching for my baby (he was in the crib adjacent to my bed).

"But I would never let a baby cry" - what do you do when you are driving and baby in the back seat is crying? What do you do when you are in the bathroom and baby in the bedroom is crying? Please. Crying is GOOD for a baby when all dangerous/serious concerns are taken care of.
This sounds pathetically like rationalization. Because you don't have a choice in certain situations, does not make it a l'chatchila. Crying doesn't become good for someone because you are not capable of calming them. I thought this whole baloney of crying being good for the lungs of a baby was long thrown out the window. It was the kind of thing my grandmother would say. And I would just nod and tell myself that today's days we know differently.

mandr wrote:
I wonder how old your baby is. When your older baby is waking you up every 2 hours at night "on demand" and you are pregnant and or overworked or overtired, let's see how amazing this breastaurateur feels.
Respect please? You clearly stated co-sleeping isn't for everyone. Well, neither is CIO. And we don't always do things because it feels amazing. Sometimes we do it because we just wouldn't do anything else.

mandr wrote:
CIO is 3 nights the first time and like 2-3 nights when it comes to touchups (which don't happen every time a baby is sick, btw.)
You have one baby and you think you know it all. Not all babies are created equal.
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 10:18 pm
pause wrote:
And what does a teething cry sound like? Or a "I have a dirty diaper" cry?

Every baby is different but I can definitely tell when my baby's cry is from teething or from feeling unwell. Teething cries, in his case, would come after I nurse him in the middle of the night, once he stops sucking. Dirty diapers - he doesn't have dirty diapers at night since he was a few weeks old. Besides, it never did wake him up. Crying when he's sick is the kind that really makes me feel bad. I trust my intution. When I think to myself "stop crying already, come on" then I know it's because he's really ok, just complaining for me to come get him. But when I genuinely feel worried, I know he needs me.

pause wrote:
Crying doesn't become good for someone because you are not capable of calming them.

Who said I can't calm him? I know that if I nurse him, he will go right back to sleep 1-2-3. The whole point is that I want him to go back to sleep on his own, something he learned how to do. During the day when he is not asleep, I don't really let him cry much. When he cries, I pick him up. I hold him a lot for that reason. I don't like when babies cry. It's just that at night I do have to be firm because we all need our sleep.

pause wrote:
I thought this whole baloney of crying being good for the lungs of a baby was long thrown out the window. It was the kind of thing my grandmother would say. And I would just nod and tell myself that today's days we know differently.

Nothing to do with the lungs. I know that's not true. Crying is the baby's only source of communication at a young age. He can't say "I'm bored in bed" so he'll just cry instead. It's good for a baby to express things, just like it is for an adult. Imagine if you lost the ability to talk one day but you did have the power to cry - you would cry! Crying doesn't only indicate a need.

pause wrote:
You clearly stated co-sleeping isn't for everyone. Well, neither is CIO. And we don't always do things because it feels amazing. Sometimes we do it because we just wouldn't do anything else.

The whole point of me joining the thread here was to show the OP that it's ok to let babies cry for 5 minutes at night.

pause wrote:
You have one baby and you think you know it all. Not all babies are created equal.

Definitely not. I was just writing from my experiences and from what I read online.
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 07 2014, 10:26 pm
I think it would be prudent to specify in your original post that it's all based on your experience with your one baby.
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