do people see any value in sahm anymore

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 2:22 pm

//But I also most definitely believe that I deserve this break and that I have worked hard for it.//

I worked for 18 years and recently left my job. I feel the same. there are some days that I do nothing but some laundry and schmooze on the phone. so what why do I always have to produce? why cant I just enjoy and goof off every now and then. I feel like I did my time.

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 2:39 pm

I wonder how selfish can one be.
I live in Europe and I don't mind if my tax money goes to someone else's maternity leave, or child support, or medical insurance. I know that one day I will take that maternity leave and that sick leave too.

It's the security of knowing that if I am unemployed, or sick, or pregnant, I don't fear for my future.

Why in the world can it not be on other people's "dime" if they enjoy the same privilege?

nyer1

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 2:43 pm

amother wrote:

because maternity leave is very different from food stamps. that's why. disability also. very different from paying for an ABLE BODIED PERSON to choose not to work when they can't really afford not to.

nyer1

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 2:45 pm

Emotional wrote:

Firstly do you know for sure that they have no reason not to work?
Secondly I feel for you. It's a horrible feeling to hate your job. I've been there. But the answer to that isn't to be angry at those who stay home - it's to try to find a new job or to see what you can do make your job a bit less stressful. Maybe you can negotiate a bit of flexibility with your hours? Or arrange to be transferred within the company? I don't know what you do or what field you're in.

yes. normally I would be the first to say "you don't know what really goes on" but in these cases I do. one case is a sibling in law, the others are wives who all have master's degrees and actually ADMIT to being on programs and 'sacrificing' because they so badly just want to be with their children.

Maya

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 2:48 pm

amother wrote:

I have relative of a large family. She was a sahm for years. Finances were tight but they managed. Then things got really difficult after the economy fell so she went out to work, leaving the house just before her kids in the morning and coming home moments before them.

She was unavailable to her family and friends. She came home exhausted but had to make supper and do HW with her kids. She had no koach left. She slept all Shabbos. Her family really missed her. Her gourmet dinners, open home and guests for Shabbos meals were a thing of the past. After a year, she stopped working and went back to being a SAHM. It drained her too much and it was affecting her family.

Now that all are in school full time and the older kids married she uses her time to do chessed quietly. The outsider may not know it. She helps care for an elderly parent, And she is there for her DH, children and grandchildren. Her home is open once again.

Really? She had to stop making gourmet dinners and couldn't invite guests on Shabbos? What a tragedy.

Barbara

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 2:52 pm

amother wrote:

I have no problem with the government paying maternity benefits to everyone.

I have no problem with my tax dollars being used to provide assistance to those who are in need. (Although I do have a problem with the fact that our minimum wage is set at a level that places people who are working full time "in need.")

I support sick leave policies that recognize that people do get sick.

I support universal health care beyond what has already been instituted in the US. No one should ever have to worry that they cannot afford decent health care

But I also support self-reliance. I don't think "I could work, but I'd rather live on government programs" is a moral position, when those programs are for people with a demonstrated need.

Not everyone can live off the government. Not everyone can receive financial aid for their day school education. Someone has to pay the bill. And while I don't mind paying for those who need, I do mind paying for those who have a choice, but say, "why should I be the one working hard; you pay for me."

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 2:59 pm

nyer1 wrote:

If you agree that taking care of an infant is a job, then the new mother is not really doing nothing.
It just shows how little the society values female health and early childhood. Everyone knows that a mother is nowhere near ready for a full-time job at 6 weeks postpartum. Why do you insist that she is able bodied?

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:01 pm

Barbara wrote:

What you are talking about is really not so wide-spread, and it doesn't really relate to maternity leave.
Having a child is usually a choice, but once the child is there, the needs of the child and the mother have to be recognized.

nyer1

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:03 pm

amother wrote:

I am OBVIOUSLY not referring to someone 6 weeks postpartum. REALLY?

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:10 pm

nyer1 wrote:

I am OBVIOUSLY not referring to someone 6 weeks postpartum. REALLY?

I am not posting under my screen name because I posted my location.

How do I know where you draw the line between 6 weeks and 1 year (or should I say, 3yrs, that's how long they hold your spot)?
The government says, 6 weeks is ok, that's how much your tax dollar is covering so far. You say you won't want to cover any longer than that.

Barbara

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:15 pm

amother wrote:

I am not posting under my screen name because I posted my location.

How do I know where you draw the line between 6 months and 1 year (or should I say, 3yrs, that's how long they hold your spot)?
The government says, 6 weeks is ok, that's how much your tax dollar is covering so far. You say you won't want to cover any longer than that.

You think that you're identifiable because you live in Europe? Along with how many hundreds of other registered users of this site?

What a joke. You just want to be nasty with plausible deniability.

But for the record, there is no government-paid maternity leave in the US.

ETA and the way you know someone's position is to ask.

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:19 pm

Barbara wrote:

I did ask.

I figured out many of my friends here by the time of posting and some minor details. So I prefer to stay amother.
I did ask her where she draws the line. And what able bodied person she is talking about.

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:21 pm

Barbara wrote:

So you mean that tax dollar doesn't pay for maternity leaves at all. Employer does it. This is different, of course.

Barbara

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:33 pm

amother wrote:

So you mean that tax dollar doesn't pay for maternity leaves at all. Employer does it. This is different, of course.

No.

Certain employers are required to give UNPAID leave.

Some may give paid leave, for a short period, but they don't have to.

But we're not discussing that. We're talking about people with somewhat older children -- toddlers, school aged kids -- who accept financial aid from schools, and government welfare assistance intended for the needy (food stamps, TANF, Section 8 housing, etc) in order to stay at home, when they are in fact able to work.

melalyse

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 9:18 pm

Not every woman has the stamina to work full time, come home take care of their children, do homework, bedtime and then start with getting dinner ready for the next day, food for Shabbos, grocery shopping, cleaning and laundry until midnight. I come home from work feeling like a rag and force myself to push forward until my kids go to sleep and then collapse. I am lucky enough to have 2 days a week to take care of things that I need to at home. But I don't think that any woman should be blamed for not working full time even if it would be financially beneficial. Children need healthy parents - physically and emotionally. It is not about physically abled mothers that are able to work, it is about physically abled mothers that are able to work and do everything else that needs to be done.

Raisin

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 4:26 am

Once you have more than a few kids, or a kid with any type of special needs that requires extra therapies etc, I think taking care of their needs can quite easily fill up most of your time. All of your time if you have none or minimal cleaning help. Even if they are in school all day. And if you have a couple of hours spare to go to the gym or take a walk don't feel guilty - your health and wellbeing is important too.

I agree with fox that a part time job would be ideal for someone with older kids.

nyer1

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:31 am

Barbara wrote:

THANK YOU. this is what I've been trying to say!