My child is terrified because of Rochel Imeinu

amother

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 11:33 am

So two parshas ago, Rochel Immeinu died in childbirth. My 5 y/o learned about it in school. I am pregnant and the kids who are old enough to understand know. Now the 5 y/o is crying every day since learning about what happened to Rochel that ch'v the same thing will happen to me. I tried explaining that they didn't have doctors and hospitals back then, so if ch'v something went wrong, nothing could be done, but b'h today there's a lot that can be done to help mommies and babies in danger and nowadays giving birth is very safe. No dice. Help me help this child calm down!

causemommysaid

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 11:39 am

tell her that she died because of a decree not because of childbirth.

the way I heard it was that yaakov told lavan that the person who took his idols will die and Hashem follows through with what a tzaddik says.

I think she was too young for her teacher to tell her that sort of thing but its too late now.

Clarissa

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 11:56 am

Because of a decree? You want to explain a decree to a five year old so then she can worry about decrees?

Tell her that this was a long time ago and you have the best doctor in the world, who has promised to take great care of you and make sure both you and the baby are safe and fine.

Then go into school and politely ask the teacher if she knows a way to teach without totally freaking out young children. I’d be furious.

causemommysaid

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 12:09 pm

Clarissa wrote:

its tanach. there are tons of things that don't make sense according to our lives now.

normally I would never ever tell a kid anything related to this but I am referring to after the fact now. now its just damage control mode.

she sees her mother who is pregnant and she thinks she might die. if you find something to place the "blame" on besides childbirth then it might ease her fears even if its not the best thing to say.

I prefer that preschool teachers don't teach about death at all. Why can't they say something bland like "she went away" or skip it altogether?

Simple1

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 12:54 pm

It's not necessarily the teachers fault. Some children have extra anxiety and active imaginations. After learning Parshas Noach, I was very scared every time it would rain that it would be a mabul.

OP, not sure howhat to help but to continue to reassure her. Maybe talk about others who also had babies and they're doing just fine.

sequoia

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 1:06 pm

Well, she might have heard about it anywhere. It used to be a real danger.

It's hard to understand the passing of time and the changes it brings when you're five. Maybe just keep repeating calmly, "It happened a long time ago. Today childbirth is safe. Mommy will be fine." And hug and kiss her a lot.

amother

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 1:17 pm

I would have a talk with morah. She needs to be age appropriate.

DGC's morah said, the Sar hamashkim got his job back, and the sar haofim didn't. Quite adequate for a three year old.

amother

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 1:21 pm

Simple1 wrote:

I agree. That's my child

miami85

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 1:33 pm

Childbirth does come with dangers and a woman is judged during childbirth, but it doesn't always end up with unfortunate results.

1) Dying in childbirth is very rare.
2) You can remind her that Sarah Imeinu didn't die in childbrith, Rivka, Leah, Bilha and Zilpa, and many other women in tanach didn't die in childbirth. In fact Rochel died after her 2nd child, not the first (that can be used to illustrated that it doesn't happen every time)
3)Rochel Imeinu died "on the road" and you will likely be in the hospital where the doctors check to make sure you are OK.

miri36

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 4:58 pm

When I was little I used to be terrified if my mother ever laughed too hard because I learned that Sara imeinu passed away when she found out that yitzchak didn't die by the akeida and she laughed so hard she passed away. . teachers need to be careful with what they say.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 5:11 pm

I have a very anxious child too. In kindergarten and first grade her school used to teach very difficult midrashim that a child simply can't understand. Heck, most adults don't understand what the actually meaning of these things are, and I couldn't explain them to her!

She was constantly worried, and was waking up with stomach aches and headaches, begging to stay home from school because she felt sick. We switched schools after first grade.

lovingmother

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 8:10 pm

Point out other specific women who just gave birth who are fine now. Point out that other things that happened to Rachel Imeinu did not happen to you, to try to teach her, that things that happen to other people don't necessarily happen to us.