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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Chanukah
Class mom asking exhorbitant amount
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 2:44 pm
The class mother is collecting for the gift for the teachers and is asking for what I think is an insane amount of money. I have other children in school, and I have NEVER heard of such a high amount being asked. I have confirmed that its not a mistake, this is really what she's asking. Do I say nothing and just hand an envelop with the same as I am used to giving and hope she has the sechel not to say anything? Do I say "this is what I can give, I just can't do more than that, sorry"? Do I assume I'm not the only one aghast at such a number and maybe tell her what other people might be thinking, that this number is a tad unrealistic? WWYD?
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 2:52 pm
well if you don't say the amount we can't decide whether or not it's bizarre ... that being said - simply put an amount you feel is more appropriate ... rest assured all will be forgotten after chanuka
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 2:58 pm
This happened to us last year. This was her first so she didn't have a concept of what type of gift is appropriate. I told her she is way overboard, and we are giving way less for our older children's teachers. I think she was okay with it.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 3:08 pm
You can just politely opt out and say you will be giving a personal gift this year.
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amothertoo




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 4:16 pm
Just curious how much she asked for. B/c I am collecting for my daughters class and I asked 12 for teacher 7 for assistant and one mother gave me such a hard time that I'm asking way more than the usual. I politely told her to just give what she can, I understand it is an expensive time, I am pooling the money anyways.
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Laughing Bag!




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 4:40 pm
I was asked to send in 15$ which I assume will be divided as 10/5 or 11/4 I find it reasonable and appropriat. more than 20 I would.also not give.
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 5:00 pm
Any chance there's staff involved you don't know about? Like an extra assistant? I would just put whatever you feel is appropriate in an envelope and send it to school. The class mother won't call you about it or be annoyed; she'll be too busy figuring out if she should keep chasing the people who have given nothing.

FYI, in my world it's usually $15 for gifts for a teacher and assistant. But it can be more for Chanukah, which is schoolwide and includes all of the staff, not just teachers. People give what they give.
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bookworm10




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 7:31 pm
In my children's schools I was asked for 30 dollars. It makes sense, as it is pooled and there are assistant teachers.
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monseychick




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 7:39 pm
OP... Without details how can we possibly answer...

If you live in Calabasas Ca., or Lawrence, NY and the median parent body income is 120k a year and 50 is being asked for. Perhaps, the other parents should all kick in a lil extra to help you out..

If you live in Lakewood and your school's parent body has a median income of 35k for 8 children , then, if this mother is asking for 30$, say "YO, what are you smoking? "
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 7:50 pm
OP here. I am not stating an amount because I don't want to give myself away. The amount is more than twice what I have ever heard asked for. Doesn't matter whether I'm talking about $20 or $100, what matters is that it is unusual for where we are. Somebody mentioned perhaps the mother is inexperienced and I think that may be it. I know I will be participating in the class gift because I want to, I just cannot give the full amount asked. I am going to give what I can. My question is whether to just do it, or should I say something too (either make it about me- sorry, can't contribute more; or do I point out that I'm probably not the only one gawking at that number and she should perhaps consider revising it).
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 7:51 pm
My kids children's school has set amounts, the class mother doesn't make it up. It includes the hebrew teacher, hebrew assistant, english teacher, assistant, secretary. It adds up.
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allrgymama




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 7:51 pm
I would most definitely say something.

Personally, the school sent home a letter with each student specifying the amount to be given for each teacher/assistant. (I don't remember what it was anymore, but I don't remember being shocked at all).

The class mother (self-appointed, I think, cause no one else was taking care of it?) asked for $15 to be divided (10/5) for the Morah and the assistant. My daughter is in a large class (20+), so these will be substantial gifts for the Morahs.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 7:56 pm
I am class mother this year and collected the money for the teachers' gifts. The school told me the amounts to ask from each parent. Two parents gave less than what I asked but it was not a big deal. Definitely better than the parents that didn't give at all!

Just give what you can, and don't worry about it.
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Eemaof3




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 8:03 pm
I was once asked for $50 for 2 teachers in my child's nursery school class! I have older children and that did not even account for others in the school to give to. I was appalled. Then I realized that this was the eldest or only child for the class mom and most of the other moms. One other mom (who also had older children) and I gave a smaller amount we were comfortable with and that was it. We just informed the class mom that it was not reasonable and we were sorry. We each did this individually. Just do what you can and don't feel guilty.
BTW - the teachers ended up getting huge gifts that were completely out of line with what any other teacher got or had ever gotten. I was never asked for such a big gift again.
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granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 9:55 pm
monseychick wrote:
OP... Without details how can we possibly answer...

If you live in Calabasas Ca., or Lawrence, NY and the median parent body income is 120k a year and 50 is being asked for. Perhaps, the other parents should all kick in a lil extra to help you out..

If you live in Lakewood and your school's parent body has a median income of 35k for 8 children , then, if this mother is asking for 30$, say "YO, what are you smoking? "


I live in woodmere and my preschooler goes to TAG with plenty of Lawrence kids. suggested chanuka gift was $25 (teacher plus two assistants) and came with a letter asking that if that's too much to send whatever you are able to comfortably send.

I,too, suspect this is the class mothers oldest, it seems so reasonable to collect alot when you only have one precious child in school because the teachers really do work so hard and all. once you have a bunch of kids and you start tipping all the bus drivers and rebbeim, you realize that its not possible to give everyone what they are 'worth' and its a token gift and that's ok. I see nothing wrong with asking parents who have older children or kids in other classes or schools what is being collected and then getting back to class mother and saying, you know other classes are collecting $15 for preschool teachers and thats all I'm able to send in this year. its ok, they will still put your name on the card and I doubt they will indicate that you sent in less.
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Aetrsnrady




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 14 2014, 10:08 pm
Is there any other mother in the class you can bounce this off of? I think you can just tell her that it's a lot for your school, that parents are usually asked to send in between ____ and ____.
I can't imagine no one else said anything
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 15 2014, 4:25 am
amother wrote:
I am class mother this year and collected the money for the teachers' gifts. The school told me the amounts to ask from each parent. Two parents gave less than what I asked but it was not a big deal. Definitely better than the parents that didn't give at all!

Just give what you can, and don't worry about it.


The school told you the amounts? Really. How about being thankful for whatever they get?
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Aetrsnrady




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 15 2014, 8:09 am
imaima wrote:
The school told you the amounts? Really. How about being thankful for whatever they get?


When the school sets the amounts there is no inequity between the various classes. It has been known to make teachers upset
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 15 2014, 8:43 am
imaima wrote:
The school told you the amounts? Really. How about being thankful for whatever they get?


by us the Lady Auxiliary handles this. They find the class mothers and tell them the amount.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 15 2014, 8:50 am
The idea of people defining what they are getting as a gift, because they will get upset if they receive less than a neighbor, is really abhorrent. They signed up for their salary, everything else is a nice extra.
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