not invited | Imamother

amother

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 9:23 pm

???

WADR, OP, you need to give some detail if you expect a meaningful reply. Did s/o ask you why you weren't there? Was that someone the person who arranged the sheva brochos or just a guest? Did you go to the wedding? What is your reltionship to the new couple and to the person who arranged the sheva brochos?

amother

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 10:39 pm

What happened OP? Here's how I read your post, is this right?
- sheva brochos planned, and you have a close relationship to the couple and expected to be invited
- no one invited you
- couple later asks why you weren't there

I would have cried, too. It hurts to not be included in things and rejected.

Have you asked why they're asking why you weren't there? Maybe it didn't occur to them to invite you becuase they assumed you would be coming?

Hug

amother

Sun, Dec 14 2014, 11:03 pm

Was it that someone planned a sheva brochos and asked you for advice and told you who they were planning to invite. After the party they said that they should have invited you, but didnt think about it, or didnt think you would be able to get a sitter.
I know how it feels and it hurts. It happened to me. But I can also put abit of blame on myself because I should have said something like id love to come.

DrMom

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 2:20 am

Why is everyone here amother??

Is it possible they invited you and you didn't see the invitation?

- Was it sent by email and got shunted to your spam folder?
- Did they inform your DH and assume he'd pass the info along to you and he forgot (My DH does things like this sometimes Smile

)
- Did the invite get lost in the mail?
- Did they call and leave a message which you never heard?
- Did they just assumed you knew about it while you were waiting for a more formal invitation?

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:59 am

Sheva brochos are often very informal invites. A relative recently got married and there was some confusion over invitations, who was invited and who was not.

Once someone made a sheva brochos for my sister ( a friend of the chassan) and didn't invite me. It was in the chassans city and none of my other family were there, just me and my husband. In any case, I figured it wasn't malicious, just an oversight and went anyway.

SRS

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 10:53 am

I think we need to cut people more slack on simchas and grow a thicker skin. I read your post that somehow you were lost in the mix but the invitation was intended. Perhaps inject a little humor on your end. These things happen and it isn't malicious.

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 12:45 pm

I'm the mother of one of the marrieds. Seems like the other side who made the sheva brochos didn't want me there and the new couple thought so too. They said it was just for friends.

After everything I've done to make their dream come true. I spent the night crying. The pain was deep gutted.

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 12:55 pm

OP I don't know if this will make you feel better but when my husbands sister got married a few years ago, the chosons parents friends made the first night of sheva brachot and did not invite my inlaws!!

They were very hurt but didn't want to upset their daughter and so they just kept quiet and stayed home.

Some people just don't know the right thing to do.

abound

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 12:56 pm

sometimes the couple has a friends sheva brachos, it is meant for the friends to chill out and have a fun "young" time. They figure that the mature adults would love to have one early night to relax and enjoy after and during the wedding festivities. They also feel that having older and mature people around changes the dynamics of the event. Were the other set of inlaws invited?

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 1:05 pm

abound wrote:

Sounds nice if friends made them and only invited friends.

abound wrote:

Were the other set of inlaws invited?

They were the ones who made it!

Elbowmac

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 1:14 pm

I'm sorry you went through this amother. Please understand that your newly married children were not trying to hurt you. Not at all. They love you and appreciate everything you did for them. Of course they want you at their sheva brochos, and thought about you. I'm guessing they were just caught up in the excitement and exhaustion of sheva brochos week.

Maybe they thought you would understand that you were of course invited, and thought you would attend without a formal invitation? Or maybe they have friends who have done "friends only" sheva brochos? Or friends who had sheva brochos where only one side of the family comes? And it's not always easy schlepping to a new place night after night, maybe after all of your hard work, they thought that you deserved a night off?

And don't forgot, sheva brochos aren't the end, they are just the beginning of many special times ahead. May Hashem bless you with many, many wonderful years of simachos, chaggim, shabbasim, and happy, enjoyable times spent together with your married children.

abound

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 1:15 pm

I am really sorry for you. I won't think of a million excuses for them, I will leave you and others to be dan lekaf zechus.
I just want to say one thing, You probably went out of your way to give your child a happy and beautiful wedding. More importantly we all agree on is that the marriage and happiness of your child is of paramount importance to you. Do what you have to, vent anonymously online etc. But do not tell your other children how you feel. Make sure your child does not feel caught in between because of this. She needs to have a good relationship with her in laws and she does not need to feel guilty or bad for how they made you feel. When you see her by tonights sheva brachos, be the bigger one. Tell her that you really enjoyed the early night and it was great to have one night off that you did not need to get dressed up and etc. Make her feel good.

ETA: or him, whichever one is your child.

boysrus

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:47 pm

I am so sorry OP, this sounds like such a slap in the face .
I am trying to imagine how much that would hurt if it happened ot me, and honestly I think that I would be crying too. A lot.
At this point, I think that there is nothing you can do other than swallow the hurt and carry on as normal. Pretend it was no big deal, but know that one day your child and child in law will realize how bad that felt for you and regret it.

Sending you lots of hugs, and only simchas

cheeseblintz

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:51 pm

I think you're way off base to react this way. For a friends sheva brachos there is no reason the parents need to come. It's their night to take the night off and recouperate. Your being melodramatic about this is going to hurt their shalom bayit and your relationship with them.

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 3:56 pm

I'm sorry. Sometimes people are obnoxious. I know a couple who broke off their engagement because the chassans side planned to host a sheva brochos but did not invite the kallahs family. Kallah was was very upset and there were words. Chassan decided maybe she wasn't for him after all. They both came from very different hashkafic backgrounds - in her circles inviting both sets of parents was expected, evidently not in his.

boysrus

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 4:00 pm

cheeseblintz wrote:

your post is not so helpful to the OP, it will just make her even more upset. What on earth is a 'freinds sheva brachos'? I never in my life heard of or went to a sheva brachos where the paretns were not invited! And didnt you read that the OP wrote that the mechutonim made the sheva brachos! so it obviusly wasnt freinds only, maybe freinds only plus kallah/chosons paretns, just missing out the other side! how thoughtless! Did you ever before hear of the kallahs parents makng sheva brachos, inviting mainly their kids friends but not bothering to invite the chosson ;s parents? That is what happened here according to my understanding of the OPs posts. What a slap in the face. Poor OP. Dont be so obnoxious as to call her melodramatic, she came here for emotional support. Are you by any chance the mechutaniste who didtn bother inviting the OP? because why else would you be so rude and lacking in understanding of her distress?

Elbowmac

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 4:21 pm

boysrus wrote:

Not defending the post at all, I also found it quite insensitive to the OP and way off target.

But just so you know, in some circles, "friends only" sheva brochos do exist, and are exactly what they sound like. Sheva brochos for friends of the chosson and kallah only (usually they are made/hosted by the friends), and neither set of parents is invited. My DH and I had sheva brochos like this, as did our siblings, and many of our friends. It's common in some communities.

Ruchel

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 4:25 pm

amother wrote:

WHY WASNT THIS DISCUSSED Crying