A mad hatter and a moral dilemma

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 2:35 pm

amother wrote:

A friend of mine came from Eretz Yisroel for a family wedding. She's not chassidish but does not wear a sheitel. All week she wore a chenille snood.

For the wedding, she took a piece of lace that she had cut into a headband, and put it around her snood. She looked quite elegant, in my opinion.

I am not so fashion-conscious that I must wear the latest style. If I needed to cover my sheitel, I would just buy a pretty piece of lace or satin, sew or glue on a couple of decorations, and make a wide headband.

I just don't get people agreeing to be hostage to outrageously expensive items, whether sheitel, hat or anything else.

This.

acemom

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 2:41 pm

amother wrote:

People do lots of things that others think are ridiculous but for them it is a lifestyle.

The non-Chassidish posters probably have a hard time understanding the whole concept of covering the sheitel to begin with.

For the OP, though, this is a real question/dilemma. She is not looking for a discussion of the importance or ridiculousness of her problem.

Barbara

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 2:55 pm

amother wrote:

Well, bully for you. Feel free to spend your entire life dressed head to toe in blue light specials, eating food from the day-old store, and using furniture from the Salvation Army clearance sale. And I hope that the "sheitel" you mention is from the clearance section of the nylon wig store.

Your choice.

But there's nothing wrong with the OP having made a different choice. She wanted a very nice hat. She could afford it, or saved for it. And she bought it. I'm struggling to see what could possibly be wrong with that, but I can't.

And on top of that, OP was very sweet and generous, lending her hat to someone else. Not to mention not wanting to make that person pay the entire cost when she lost it.

Just to add. Maybe you could make a lovely headband the way you said. And certainly our very talented Frantic Frummie can. Me? I'd look like the proud Mommy wearing her 4 year-old's nursery school project.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 3:14 pm

This might interest somebody. It's not quite a hat but a bit more than a frill. You might anchor it with a boutonniere pin from the florist.

http://www.lightinthebox.com/e......html

Chair sashes seem to be 6 inches wide and 106 inches long, hemmed, not pre-tied. That might be a start for somebody for this purpose. You would cut off the length you needed. Satin, tulle, etc.

http://www.save-on-crafts.com/blacksash1.html

That's an interesting website for a lot of things. I like their footed cake stands.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 3:29 pm

If it works for you, get a LOT OF THEM.

There are a few others that are similar, at the very bottom of that page.

It says it is 7 inches wide, approximately.

Nail it hard to your sheitel with several pins, so it won't get lost. Here are some corsage pins. They are 2 inches. I wish they were longer. They come in many colors:

https://www.wholesalefloral.co.....s.htm

Rosemarie

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 3:38 pm

amother wrote:

Thanks Dolly. I actually like this one and am wondering if I could wear it to my sibling's wedding. What's your take on this chassidish ladies?

Could totally work. Nobody would know you only spent less than $25 on it. Get those headbands someone linked to earlier and sew it in so it stays well on your head. I could see myself wearing this one or something like it, depending how big it is in real life.

amother

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 4:02 pm

OP here.

The hat dolly posted is beautiful. Classy in black, the wedding uniform color of chassidish hats lol.

(People do customize colors to match mother or sister of the bride gowns, but by now the trend is to stick to black to get more use out of these. Black goes with everything, obviously..)

Barbara, thanks for coming to my defense... I honestly don't feel hostage to the headgear as much as I feel limited by my nonexistant artistic ability and lack of sewing skills. Many people I know make these hat/bands themselves, but so far I haven't been able to persuade any of them to make any for me.

I pay for the service, not the object.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 5:02 pm

Other hashkafas besides Chassidishe can sport some interest and action up there headwise too, it seems to me.

As you see upthread, people get pretty excited about a hat.

Life is hard enough without not wearing a fabulous hat to a party or a fascinator or something on your head.

If every eye is on you, nobody will laugh. They will more likely cry.

amother

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 6:16 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

This might interest somebody. It's not quite a hat but a bit more than a frill. You might anchor it with a boutonniere pin from the florist.

http://www.lightinthebox.com/elegant-wool-ladies-party-outdoor-casual-hats-fascinators-with-flowers-more-colors_p2107986.html

Chair sashes seem to be 6 inches wide and 106 inches long, hemmed, not pre-tied. That might be a start for somebody for this purpose. You would cut off the length you needed. Satin, tulle, etc.

http://www.save-on-crafts.com/blacksash1.html

That's an interesting website for a lot of things. I like their footed cake stands.

Wow Dolly! This is the perfect chassidish hat. They would cost $200 in local stores!!

amother

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 7:29 pm

OP again. What a way to sidetrack a discussion from its original question...

The reason I wear these hat/bands is because a regular hat presses down on the sheitel, causing an indentation on the bottom, or even flips, (which haven't been fashionable in my circles in decades). Even when it is not jammed tight on the sheitel, but only secured with a pin, it still has a different look than the bands, which allow the sheitel to hang more loosely without pressing against the head and neck. I switched not too long ago, per my husband's request.

So thank you, everyone, who is trying to find cheaper alternatives, but so far franticfrummie made the most enticing offer....

gittelchana

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 10:55 pm

amother wrote:

This is not a story about Wonderland, and the hatter isn't really mad, only a bit upset. And confused. Also, this could go under family, fashion, or finances, but here goes.

What would you do in my place?

A relative was here from overseas for a short while to attend a simcha. She is extremely budget conscious as her husband is in kollel. She asked to borrow my custom-made wedding hat, and I gave it to her gladly without a second thought.

And... she lost it. The poor (literally...) woman wants to pay me for a new one, but I just feel awful taking her money.

On the other hand, I need a simcha hat. It's not a matter of fashion or luxury, but tznius. I own just one other hat which is not appropriate for a simcha or shabbos. I would need to spend money for a new custom-made one (and my money garden does not produce such bountiful harvests to sponsor extras).

What would you do? My husband has agreed to ask her for only half the price of a new one. I must note that she is offering to pay whatever it'll cost me because she feels guilty.

Sale season has begun, so I might find a deal on a sample or something, but as I said, these are usually not off-the-shelf. Should I pay half from our money and the other half from my own personal savings, and count it as tzedakah, or do what my husband suggested and ask her for half?

What would you do?

Take some money from her. Allow her to feel like she rectified her actions by paying you back. You can give the money to Tzedaka if you don't want to use it.

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 11:08 pm

Frantic Frummie, start dressing heads, one way or another, with fascinators or hats or whatever. You can make them, or you can order them from LITB, but you have the authority to put them on heads.

Maybe have a hat party.

Or get a brigade of women, who are your personal posse, who, in concert and together, and at the same time, will start wearing them. And start the trend.

A street action. A flash mob. A hat flash mob.

On a nice day, in a nice public area, at a precise, pre-arranged time, everybody hat up! (The hats were carried there in bags.)

There is safety in numbers.

Then have your posse go on wearing hats.

amother

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 6:42 am

http://www.lightinthebox.com/e.....liate

This hat Dolly posted is I think still stylish but with a band underneath it. Op I'm saying you should get this, I understand your need to buy where everyone is buying not making your own. However for the poster who asked yes this is a chassidisha hat and would look very nice (I'm not sure if everyone would be comfortable wearing this color though, I would but I don't wear hats so...) Add a headband to it with glue gun to prevent flips and you are ready to go!