Am I the only one not giving my kids a present tonight?

amother

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:05 pm

I'm seeing everyone is giving their kids presents tonight, I'm I the only one not? I hate for them to grow up thinking Chanukah = presents, there's no much more to it. They'll get a present from my parents and dh's parents some point during Chanukah. They're so excited to light the menorah and they're not even asking for anything, and I love it. Just wondering if I'm the only one.

momX4

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:08 pm

every night is different. one night doughnuts, one night latkes, one night family Chanukah party where the kids get their presents.

youngishbear

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:09 pm

I'm not either giving.

I might give them gelt, as per tradition, and go pick something together to spend it on. But I much prefer they put the money towards their savings.

Rodent

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:11 pm

We don't give presents on hanukka if that makes you feel better.

anonymom

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:12 pm

No presents here.

octopus

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:13 pm

me! me! me! I'm not giving! Wave

I'll never forget when I made a party on Chanukah and a relative came with a black garbage bag filled with presents. While it was nice, I guess,I felt like telling her I think she forgot her santa claus hat at home.

amother

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:20 pm

I'm newly married but growing up I dont think we ever got chanukah presents from my parents. We did get $ from grandparents.

zaq

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:28 pm

Some people have the custom of giving a gift every night; others do not. There is no right or wrong here, and there is nothing halachic about it, either. IMHO if you do not go the gift-every-night route (which also IMHO is way too many gifts unless you include things like socks, hats, and earmuffs), then it makes much more sense to wait till at least the middle of Chanuka. Anticipation is half the fun--why blow it all on Day 1?

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:32 pm

I also think it would be a waste of Chanukah to make the first night the everything night -- the first night is special just because it's chanukah. Nothing else is necessary to add to it!

I did take out The Family Chanukah Book though, as each night has different activities, and we sat and played the game from tonight, because I think of it as family time. Kids weren't expecting anything, so I don't think I ruined their feeling that Chanukah is special....just because.

Newmom12

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:35 pm

I didn't get something either but mainly cuz I was so busy the past week. I do feel tremendously guilty because I saw the great presents my nieces and nephews got but my son is only 15 months so I'm comforting myself knowing he doesn't really get it

squirrel

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 8:55 pm

op its not like your kids are not getting anything because your parents and in laws are giving but its not fair to make it sound wrong from those that do give. Quoting you 'theres so much more to chanukah than presents'. Chanukah is an enjoyable time for the kids and we love to spoil them and find it to be a great time to give them gifts they love. It makes it that much more enjoyable.
I cant explain the feeling of pushing in a huge box with a play kitchen and to see their faces with such excitement, I just love making them happy.

boysrus

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 9:27 pm

no presents here either. we do simple stuff even for my teenagers.
first night was nice parev choc treat for everyone and donuts. Tomorrow will be latkes. Every day we eat milchgs for supper we will give out milk choc coins. My in laws and parents have given us $20 for each child so we will choose two nights to give that out. We will play dreidel a couple of times, eat yummy food and have guests.
nothing wrong with presents, but each to their own....

Maya

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 9:36 pm

No gifts here. We give Chanukah gelt.

amother

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 9:41 pm

my kids were just excited that it's chanuka ..lighting menorahs, school projects, school parties, family party coming up ... I gave out chanuka gelt chocolate to all and made latkes ... we also baked cookies with menora and dreidel cutters.. so no presents (yet) and they were happy.

gold21

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 9:45 pm

I gave gifts tonite.

Yeah, why not...

Ordered them on Amazon Prime last minute- Sunday morning- came this afternoon Cool

saw50st8

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 9:46 pm

We don't do gifts the first night because I like to ring in Chanukah without materialism.

We do a few gifts but nothing lavish. I wouldn't do anything but I don't want my kids to feel left out. Everyone else in my community gives gifts and often 8 presents.

Ema of 5

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 9:47 pm

zaq wrote:

We give presents every night, but it's not always individual, sometimes it's for the whole family. The first night is usually the gifts that my parents get, because they don't live here. At our family chanuka party my grandmother "gives" everyone presents. Motzei shabbos my in laws give felt or presents. The rest of the time is split with little things. Tonight my kids got a magic tree house box set (7.5 year old) a birthday party set (5.5 years old) and a book (2.5 years old)
We don't do latkes or homemade doughnuts because I can't stand the smell of sitting, frying oil.

seeker

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 9:50 pm

Same here.

And I disagree that there's nothing wrong with giving presents every night. What's wrong with it is that it sets a standard that other kids who don't get that will feel like they're missing something. Because don't we all need higher standards of materialism?

I was observing in a primary classroom before Chanukah and the teacher asked the children to share if their family has any holiday traditions. A great percentage of the kids responded that their tradition is to get presents. I felt bad for the kids who didn't - their parents are probably just aiming for a more wholesome, economical, and non-materialistic holiday but by virtue of other people overdoing it in the opposite direction their kids are almost definitely going to feel deprived. And I know in a year or two that will be my kids.

Even if I could afford to buy a present per child per night, I would not want to. I want them to have deeper values. Tonight we made latkes (making them together was most of the fun... they didn't come out that great but it was a bonding experience) and played dreidel, which the kids loved. Tomorrow night will probably be similar, it will still be enough of a novelty being only the second night. One night I'll probably make pizza for supper. One day we'll visit with cousins, which is a treat in and of itself. Another day we'll probably visit relatives from the other side, who will likely give some kind of small treat. One day will be Shabbos, which will be pretty much like a regular Shabbos, which is fine with me. That's 6 nights already covered right there. Sunday there's some family craft and activity thing in the neighborhood for little kids, I'll probably take them, that might be the same day we do relatives though. I think overall they will have a very nice Chanukah with a healthy combination of different sources of happiness - traditions, family time, activities, and yes a little gifting but not major and not daily and not the main/only attraction.

I think it's a shame that we have such a rich culture and tradition and yet so many kids are being raised to think or at least feel that the highlight of Chanukah is receiving gifts, which is not any kind of Jewish value in itself.

I am not a grinch; I give my kids plenty of stuff, they have a nice amount of toys and I love doing things just to make them happy. But I don't emphasize "Chanukah gifts" at all. One gift of something that they will enjoy playing with all yomtov I think is nice because the playing itself will help along their happy yomtov - I would do this as needed/appropriate for any yomtov (incidentally, for Sukkos, Pesach, and Shavuos there is actually a mitzvah to make your family happy by buying them things that will enhance their yomtov. Not aware of any such idea for Chanukah. I gave my kids a new toy before Pesach and Sukkos so they would have something fun to do over yomtov while they had so much staying-at-home time) but the point is having a good time, not that we look forward to the holiday for getting stuff or seeing what you got.

I think it's a shame how the non-Jewish holidays have become commercialized as well. This isn't an us vs. them thing. This is about what values we want for our family and children, and about the value of having a holiday that you appreciate for its own sake, for stepping back out of the material world and spending time focused on family and such - not for spending months figuring out what you want to buy or what you want others to buy for you.

Chana Miriam S

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 10:31 pm

We stopped giving birthday and Chanukah presents long before becoming more observant. It was practical because in the early days of our sons asd dx we rewarded him frequently by giving him things when he asked for them. When we do give gifts for birthdays or Chanukah it tends to be tickets to something we can do together.

chatouli

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 10:37 pm

Officially I don't give Chanukah presents, but I did buy something fun at Amazing Savings I may give them to play with for Shabbos Chanukah. Or I may not. They were off the wall with excitement just to light candles and eat sufganiyot. If I gave presents too, I'd have had to tranquilize them to get them to bed tonight Smile