Unplanned guest | Imamother

amother

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 6:11 am

We are having a lot of family for Shabbos. This was planned weeks ago and I am very much looking forward to them all being here. Now we've had an unplanned guest since Sunday. He had an emergency with his apartment and had to leave for a few days (he will be able to go back on Friday). So dh invited him to stay with us. I said maybe just a night or 2, as I know he will not be abandoned and has other people to go to. But dh cajoled me into saying yes for the whole week. And now I regret it.
First off, I caught a wicked cold an am really not feeling well. I think (hope) I will be a lot better by Shabbos so long as I can take it easy till then. But I can't do that with a guest around. He is not frum, so I can't let him help himself in the kitchen. Also, I am going a little nuts with having to be fully dressed all the time. The guest is perfectly polite, but it's still extra work and I can't get the rest I need. And even with dh's help, it doesn't solve the privacy issue. Given the big weekend coming up, I really really need a day or so of alone time. I know our guest has other options, he is not relying on us. Bit I also feel bad. What's another day? And he's not being difficult or in my way too much. Maybe I should just suck it up. But the thought of having no break until Sunday night has me breaking out in a cold sweat. Would it be really bad to ask him to find alternate arrangements till he moves back home?

imasinger

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 7:11 am

What a pain that you were so looking forward to this big family Shabbos, and now you are dealing with a long term extra guest, AND a cold. Refuah shleima.

Is he hanging around the apartment during the day, or does he work?

If I imagine myself in this friend's shoes, it would be annoying and a little hurtful to be asked to move somewhere else for the next 2 nights, but not the end of the world. Were I that guest, being asked to move elsewhere would definitely get in the way of my gratitude for the earlier hospitality, and possibly color my friendship with your DH.

In other words, maybe you could do it, but it's not so nice. It would have been different if the deal from the start was "we can host till Wednesday and then I'll find you another place", but that was not the case.

How about if you try some of the following stopgap measures?

- For the times when you are home, throw on a housecoat or one piece dress and an easy tichel, rather than dressing up more.

- Tell him that you would like him to make an arrangement to eat out for a couple of meals, so that you can use the kitchen, or get extra rest, or whatever. If you were asking his preference and making his meals, stop, and serve him what you are having. You are not a restaurant.

- Alternatively, leave out some muffins/cake/cereal and paper plates for breakfasts, with a note: "good morning, I'm sleeping in, here's breakfast, milk is in fridge, have a great day."

- If he is available, ask him to do errands for you. He could pick up dry cleaning or matches, sweep floors, clean menorahs, etc. Lots of chores do not require kashrus knowledge.

Tizku l'mitzvos! I hope you have a wonderful time with your family.

amother

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 8:30 am

Op here. Seems the situation has solved itself. My kids seem to have caught my cold and our guest came down to breakfast to find us sniffling and hacking away. He thanked me for my hospitality and said he was going to stay elsewhere till Friday as he didn't want to impose when everyone was under the weather, though it seems more like he just doesn't want to catch it himself. Either way, he won't be coming back tonight, and I don't have to feel bad about it. Though it looks like I won't be taking care of myself either Smile