Punctuality in shabbes

imaima

Sun, Dec 21 2014, 11:38 am

how serious are you about appointments on shabbes?
I am usually pretty strict about seudot, if I have guests, I say what time we are eating but give a time frame when they can come.
When I invite someone just to play in the afternoon, I give approximate time, but usually say, I will wait for you till X. on shabbes, there is no chance to call and there so many things that can go differently ( for people with kids) that I don't expect ( and don't promise) punctuality.
I once told a friend of mine that I will come to visit her on yom tov, but dh didn't wake me up from my nap and went out with kids. I ended up waking up much later and it was too late to visit the friend.
Afterwards the friend said they waited for us for so long, and since then, she treats me like a chronical nebach who is NEVER on time, even though it is totally not the case!
So are you strict or more relaxed in this case?

miami85

Sun, Dec 21 2014, 2:01 pm

I would say that it's more than understandable to be late--not on purpose, but it's understandable. We don't use alarm clocks--many ppl don't even use watches at all. We can't call, and life is unpredictable.

I once spent Shabbos in another city and was supposed to visit a friend for Shabbos lunch, but Friday night I came down with the flu (realized that only afterwards), was up coughing half the night and feverish. Shabbos morning I was about to set out to my friend's house, only to realize that my hosts werent home and I had no idea where I was going. I think I found some tylenol, and waited for them to come home from shul to give me directions--and she lived on the other end of town. They had already started the meal, and was emabarrassed to get there so late, especially since I had a good reason why I came late. Probably didn't make a good impression, but what could I do?

Another time I was given a start time for a meal by a child in the family (whom I thought to be of reliable age), showed up at that time and the family had already started the meal telling me that the child misinformed me and they started 1/2 hr ago.

greenfire

Sun, Dec 21 2014, 2:04 pm

I think it depends in what instance - if you're invited for a seuda & show up 4 hours late - it's inconsiderate

if you're just going to hang out or schmooze or bring kids to play ... chillax

myself

Sun, Dec 21 2014, 5:25 pm

If you specifically gave a time that would be unfair but since you didn't that's another story. I generally say I'll try to come without specifically committing as it's difficult to know how things will work out and there is no way to make contact if plans change. I think it really depends on the friend/situation. If she's the type that would stay home anyway it's not that bad. If she stayed home especially and told her kids you were coming and then didn't show up that would be unfair. Had she known you weren't going to come she could've made other plans.

In general since we don't have an eruv here it's normal for me to be home on Shabbos so if someone turns up it's a bonus. On y't though when I can go out it would be upsetting if I waited for someone who then didn't show up at all.

Ruchel

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 6:24 am

I ALWAYS give/ask a time. I am not sure I would open 4 hours later. I would be fuming if I cooked for them, or simply may have taken off my nice clothes and sheitel and be in bed, wtv. That said, company is rare here too and I hardly remember a time when I would go out LOL