have you worried about being judged for a visible injury?

amother

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 11:14 am

My boys were horsing around yesterday when one of them slammed into a dresser (bh our furniture is anchored!). There were some tears and some ice, and 10 minutes later, the injured child was fine and happily (if a bit more cautiously) playing around. Later, during bath time, I saw he had a drawer shaped bruise on his back, obviously from the earlier incident. If I didn't know better, I would have thought someone hit him with a blunt object! Although it is unlikely that anyone will see it, as it's on his back, I am still terrified of what if someone sees it and thinks the worst, ch'v. And I feel like explaining what happened makes it sound worse. Has your child ever had a scary-looking visible injury that you were scared of getting judged for or worse? How do you handle it?

wifenmother

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 11:25 am

Ruchel wrote:

Normal people know kids are kids.

True. Yet if that child ends up in the ER for an unrelated injury OP needs lots of siyata dishmaya for a dr there not to take it further. I can fully relate to OP's worry. But then again, what Ruchel said is very true.

Ruchel

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 11:35 am

I'll say, I only know my own local culture. Many kids end up lo alenu in ER, most parents have NO problem. But some countries have a reporting culture.

Chayalle

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 11:42 am

In an emergency room, they would ask the child how that happened, and he would explain how he bumped into a piece of furniture.

My DD recently fractured her humerus just at the shoulder, while attempting to do a backwards jump during ice-skating (daredevil, just zooming around the rink is not enough!) They asked lots of questions at the ER, and she explained how she saw other people do it and thought she could too, and how she fell and landed on her upper arm.

Well, she was told she cannot skate for another 2 months, and that was that.

Last edited by Chayalle on Tue, Dec 23 2014, 1:32 pm; edited 1 time in total

ElTam

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 11:50 am

I wouldn't say anything unless someone asked. My son did a face plant on the sidewalk when he was a toddler. Huge swollen goose-ege, with scrapes on it and everything. A few people asked. Most didn't. We got more questions when DD #2 fell of the sofa as I was saying "Don't jump on the sofa" and hit a coffee table on the way down. We got questioned at the ER by the admitting nurse, the attending nurse, and the surgeon who closed up her wound. B"H they ask questions now. Kids used to get killed by their parents and then lo and behold there were years of ER and doctor visits documenting injuries and not reporting suspected abuse.

morah

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 11:53 am

Chayalle, I believe you mean the humerus, not the femur Smile

. My friend's toddler broke her leg under grandma's watch, but of course it was my friend who got the stinkeye every time she took the kid out till the cast came off... I hear you, I have totally worried about that too. Ruchel is right, America is a culture of busybodies, so there is that worry, but most people with common sense understand that kids get banged up. The question is, are there enough people walking around with common sense...

carpediem

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 12:10 pm

Chayalle wrote:

In an emergency room, they would ask the child how that happened, and he would explain how he bumped into a piece of furniture.

My DD recently fractured her femur just at the shoulder, while attempting to do a backwards jump during ice-skating (daredevil, just zooming around the rink is not enough!) They asked lots of questions at the ER, and she explained how she saw other people do it and thought she could too, and how she fell and landed on her upper arm.

Well, she was told she cannot skate for another 2 months, and that was that.

Her femur at her shoulder? Did you mean her humerus? Smile

Most people know that kids are kids, they get injured from reasons other than abuse. In a case of abuse there are usually more signs than just the isolated injury

LittleDucky

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 12:46 pm

Chayalle wrote:

How can one break a femur at the shoulder? Femur is the long bone from hip to knee. And really hard to break (so many breaks are CV abuse or sports injury). Refuah shelaima to your DD!

Chayalle

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 1:33 pm

I got the part mixed up, you guys are right - she broke her humerus. I corrected my post

Yes, it did seem to me that it's hard to break, and that may be why they asked her how she it happened, so many times. Fracturing the wrist, for example, is much more common.

At first I thought maybe she just twisted her arm, and maybe it came out of its socket or something....but she was crying so much, that I took her to the emergency room.

Bottom line - I think they can figure out the difference between an accidental injury and abuse.

Chayalle

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 1:41 pm

Scrabble123 wrote:

Chayelle: My father's friend is a hand surgeon. He joking says, "kids get on skates, and I get rich..."

black sheep

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 1:43 pm

I'm with eitam on this one: baruch hashem they ask questions in the ER! there is no reason to worry, they are well aware of kids having accidents; they are trying to determine if anything else happened. no reason to assume they wont believe you if you are telling the truth.

amother

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 2:58 pm

Op here. I actually didn't think about the doctor thing. Bh, my kids don't get sick much and have never been to the ER despite their shenanigans, so it didn't even occur to me. Of course doctors have to look out for those things. O was thinking more along the lines of what of he for some reason needs to change his shirt in school or someone stops by my home while he happens to be shirtless. What will they think? And it also got me thinking about those who had to walk around with a child with a bruise on their face, did you get looked at funnymor yelled at or what have you. But I guess you're right, most people know its normal for kids to have bruises just from being kids.

bookworm10

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 3:03 pm

My 2 year old ended up in the ER with a huge head bruise and concussion. He fell off a chair, and I was hysterical. It only hit me when I was there how they might think it was ch'v our fault... but they didn't. After we told them what happened they were very gentle and said that kids are kids.

I do think it is good that they are careful, but accidents do happen. It is a miracle more people don't end up in the ER each and every day the way kids play.

Scrabble123

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 4:21 pm

I truly believe that nurses use racial/social profiling to scan for potential abuse. I honestly do not think that they are suspecting the average upper middle class/upper class individual in the ER the same way they suspect poorer individuals without health insurance or with government insurance. It's pathetic that many people are racist, but that does not make it any less true. Also, many wealthier individuals will call a doctor before they even go to an ER: either going straight to an orthopedists office or at least having him wait for you in the ER for injuries such as a fractured wrist or collar bone which are manageable for a few hours or even overnight in some cases.

zaq

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 5:13 pm

The hospital people are required by law to investigate. The neighbors are not. But no, I have never worried that the neighbors would interrogate me or come to distressing conclusions. Kids are kids; they do risky/clumsy/unthinking things and sometimes get hurt as a result--just like adults. I don't worry that people will think my dh throws me around if I break a bone, and I don't worry that people will think I beat my kids if they turn up with a shiner.

Now if a child shows up every other week with a severe injury, I might wonder. But a one-time injury with no other evidence of trauma? Please.

greenfire

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 5:25 pm

I once had someone ask me in an accusatory fashion how my daughter got burnt with a cigarette shock

she had a wart on her thumb removed by a doctor Rolling Eyes

p.s. I don't smoke

amother

Tue, Dec 23 2014, 6:04 pm

When D's was five, he broke four bones in two.mionths, two of them at the same time (Once he broke his leg, he kept falling because he refused to compensate for it.) . We went straight to the orthopedist for two of them and the er for only one. Then we got a pediatric bone density scan and he was low. I carried it with me for awhile in case I found myself in the er again.

My friend whose D's breaks bones regularly says she rotates Er's when she has to go, so none of them see her too often.this works because we have several hospitals around.