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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
Have you every felt like your toddler is ruining your life?
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| No |
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[ 24 ] |
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| Total Votes : 45 |
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amother
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 Wed, Dec 24 2014, 12:02 pm
I am a stay at home/work pt at home mom who has just HAD IT with this 2.5 year old. Ahhhh! Toddler for sale. Make that for free.
We can't afford to stick him in nursery so I just feel like he is ruining my life. Sure, not every moment is so awful but my lack of sleep (because of said toddler being a terror at bedtime and then waking up the whole family multiple times a night) is not enabling me to have any patience with him.
I could go on and on... but, end vent.
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amother
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 12:05 pm
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Lol I make another poll option but it disappeared
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Roots
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 12:21 pm
haha!
does he sleep in the day time - cuz if yes that would be great for you - a nap of just some quiet time.
are there any young nightbors around - they can play with yor kids for a bit- im tallking about 9-12 yr olds, bec they love playing with children, have all the energy in the world for them and the pay is pretty cheap!
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saw50st8
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 12:21 pm
| amother wrote: | | Lol I make another poll option but it disappeared |
This is the only option with a toddler 
OP, I feel you. My 1.5 year old is so hysterically adorable and wonderful but.....he's a one man wrecking crew. He knows how to open the stair gate and thinks it's hysterical to constantly go up the stairs. I use the gate as an audible warning instead of a gate LOL.
My advice at that age is to get them outside. They need to run around A LOT! Bring them to park even when it's cold. They run out a lot of energy and then they can take a good nap. I find if my kids don't get enough time outside, they are harder to deal with.
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Dev80
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 12:22 pm
Hugs to you, I'm really sorry. I have two toddlers and I do sometimes say they ruin my life but I know really my life would be ruined without them.
I do think you are in an impossible situation, to be working from home and having him home. Is there a home run playgroup you can put him in even a few times a week? I know you are venting not necessarily looking for solutions but really I don't think that can work to keep him home. Especially if you have other older children you probably really need some time to yourself and to work. Maybe you have a friend who is a SAHM who you can pay to watch him? I know it may not be affordable but maybe you have to make it an expense.
Regarding the bad sleeping habits, would you try something like melatonin? We've resorted to that during desperate times and well, it works and it helps! Also do you know why he's waking up at night? Is he taking a nap that maybe should be cut out? You shouldn't have to live like this, there must be a way to fix the situation and make him a more loveable and tolerable kid.
Hugs again b/c it is hard (I really wonder sometimes if I will survive the toddler years..)
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Chayalle
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 12:22 pm
Are you for real?
OK I'd better get out of here quick.
Signed, mother of a child who has had many many challenging moments, but is NOT FOR SALE.
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rising hero
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 2:40 pm
| Chayalle wrote: | Are you for real?
OK I'd better get out of here quick.
Signed, mother of a child who has had many many challenging moments, but is NOT FOR SALE. |
Clearly, she is exhausted and overworked. Lack of sleep can make people say things. I have an adorable toddler too. My house is under his control. He's the boss and I'm under his command. That's part of the reason why I go out to work! I still love him even though I get frustrated with him a lot and I sometimes feel like I want to give up. But when he falls asleeps at night he's my precious little angel again.
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gold21
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 2:47 pm
I'm with chayalle- not a great choice of words, OP
Maybe you're ruining your kid's life by not putting him in playgroup? Just saying, it goes both ways
Good Luck!!!
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JMM-uc
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 2:56 pm
| Chayalle wrote: | Are you for real?
OK I'd better get out of here quick.
Signed, mother of a child who has had many many challenging moments, but is NOT FOR SALE. |
Oh gimme a break, lighten up people! She's so obviously kidding. Do you guys not have a sense of humor?!
I think I would say he's running your life
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Chayalle
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 3:14 pm
| JustMeMyself wrote: | Oh gimme a break, lighten up people! She's so obviously kidding. Do you guys not have a sense of humor?!
I think I would say he's running your life |
Yes, that's a better choice of words.
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greenfire
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 3:18 pm
ruining bothers me too ... especially with toddlers
it's my over-grown teens that do that
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JMM-uc
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 3:29 pm
| greenfire wrote: | ruining bothers me too ... especially with toddlers
it's my over-grown teens that do that |
It was the 'for sale' part that bothered her.
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shlomitsmum
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 3:38 pm
yikes! 
Venting is ok ... but think:
Poor kid , what can he do that is so bad for mommy to find him so loathsome to call him a" life ruiner" ...ouch op!  All ,children even the difficult ones are a blessing from HKBH and sent to us to be loved ,guided and to help US grow as people. Sleep or no sleep , take an espresso if needed and deal like a soldier mum ,that is our job to deal with and keep ourselves sane (your job ,regardless of the child) .
saying this a a mum of 2 night walkers, who also gets crappy sleep but had to learn to control myself because I never want to turn into my crazy parent and harm my child in any way... No amount of sleep is worth a broken bond. I'll sleep when I am old (I hope)
Perhaps you need to educate yourself more regarding typical behavior in toddlers ,it helped me with my kids ,I had no clue and zero positive role models for parenting . Once you know what he is capable of doing you can adjust your expectations in behavior and rid yourself from toxic emotions that may make you see this little neshama as a problem has v shalom.
Kids sense if you do not like them and act out for some reason ..they almost smell the hostility . I personally could not relax around my mum and always managed to mess something up somewhere and get her angry (and as a result she smacked me hard almost daily )
Kids are little only once OP! do whatever you can to keep your bond healthy so the child can grow secure ,happy and strong emotionally and loving you (I have no feelings for mum, they faded with each smack, so love can be killed IME and a parent/child bond is not automatic).
DO NOT allow yourself to become embittered towards the child ,fight it because it is toxic and because you are the adult ,he is the child ,you are there to teach not react.
Perhaps try to get a job to send the child to playschool so he can have more positive daily interactions and you get some kind of break .
if you are depressed,unhappy, burned out or find this child "rubs you the wrong way"too often please try to get help as you may be at risk to become abusive due to being burned out . Just in case : DO NOT EVER DARE TELL HIM he is a life ruiner ,that is a stab to the heart and emotionally abusive and destructive. kids remember those outbursts (I certainly did)
He is your child to love ,your tikkun and mission don't ruin this gift Hashem gave you by letting your frustrations take over.
I find that when my kids are extra annoying increasing the hugs kisses and love makes them behave better . I do not know how it works but somehow it defuses the frustration level .
good luck OP . Vent but try find a solution asap, there is so much at stake .
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Dolly Welsh
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 4:16 pm
Great post by Shlomit's Mum. Oh yes, they figure you out at once. It's a human skill everybody is born with from the first day.
And of COURSE they will respond in kind.
OP, yes, go out of the house with him and let him run.
Also get a SAD bulb and put it in the kitchen.
Also make sure he is not bored stiff. Are there things to read and work with?
Simply sit on the floor with a pleasant expression. The floor is his native land. You have come to visit. That is always appreciated. Directives from a point three times his height over his head are the equivalent of you being chatted with by someone a flight of stairs above you.
He isn't hearing language. He is only hearing you talking to him. Get someone in the house so he can observe language being used between two other people. That way he can get the point of how people should act. This way, it's like trying to learn to tango in solitary confinement.
Be very careful NOT to reward bad behavior. For instance, if you respond quickly in the night, he will go back to sleep. If you only respond when he has made a class nine huge fuss, you will have taught him that is the only thing that works, so that's the thing to do. Next time, he will immediately make a class nine fuss.
So be careful of setting up a cycle where he is allowed to get annoying, then you demonstrate that works by doing the desired thing, then he's always annoying, and you are always annoyed, because he's annoying.
Not good.
It would be an idea to have a conversation with his pediatrician. They have seen it all. But you should like the pediatrician personally.
If you treat a small child with ambassadorial respect, adults will wonder what's up with you. But the joke's on them, when later, your kid, having learned that by example, treats YOU with ambassadorial respect.
The kid is an ambassador from another country. He is barely able to speak your country's cockamamie language, doesn't understand the street grid, the currency, the mores, or much else. But he has high rank and must be shepherded and excused and honored.
Let's say you get off the plane in a foreign land. You don't know the language. You get into a taxi. You try to say where you want to go but don't do a good job. So the cab driver yells at you and smacks you across the mouth.
What do you do if you can't get on the next plane back where you came from? Hate the place and let it show, that's what.
Now you know how it feels.
Hugs. This can work out. Talk to your mother. You yourself may have not been an entirely easy toddler. But look at how nicely you turned out. Your mom may be a source of perspective.
Hugs again. I know it is not always easy.
A HUGE problem here is your trying to ride two horses at once. Even in the circus they can't do that.
Quit your job, for now. Sorry.
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Raisin
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 4:28 pm
I find it impossible to get any work done at all with my toddler. Maybe some housework but not for too long. Taking him out is the best solution - do your shopping, (I walk to the store and then have it delivered), the park, the library. There is a toddler play cafe near me with wifi. My son loves it, and loves playing with the other kids there! I went once and got a ton of work done on my phone.
Once he is home he naps really well and then the other kids are home from school and entertain him. bh he sleeps well at this point.
Also, get a good sleep training book. Lack of sleep can really make you crazy. Hence your thread title.
I love my toddler but I think I will love him even more once he is past the toddler stage. Although, he is really really cute!
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MaBelleVie
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 4:39 pm
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It sounds like you and he would probably be better off sending him to playgroup and working more hours to make up the cost.
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causemommysaid
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Wed, Dec 24 2014, 5:19 pm
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I thought it was a funny post. come on lighten up. she obviously wont be selling her toddler.
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wife2
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Thu, Dec 25 2014, 12:34 am
a 2.5 year old is going to be bored if he is home all day. you need to do activities with him or let him use his energy. if you can'tl then maybe he needs to go a playgroup. it is hard for him to sit around all day with no structure or routine and no friends to play with or activites to do. kids love going outside and will get bored of their same old toys if they are home all day.
is there any way you can afford to send him even one or two days a week to a playgroup?
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FranticFrummie
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Thu, Dec 25 2014, 1:01 am
My mom used to threaten to sell me to the Gypsies. She said they paid more for the blonde ones with blue eyes. She also used to threaten to trade me in for a miniature poodle. Yes, I remember this clearly, and I'm not traumatized at all! I thought it was funny, because I knew she loved me, and that she would never do it.
For everyone who is suffering with a toddler right now, remember these moments. Remember how you held your breath, counted to 10, and worked on your patience. Remember how you tried to empathize with them and understand that growing up is not easy.
Mark my words, when they become preteens, YOU WILL REMEMBER ALL OF THIS!
DD is 11, going on 2. Hormones makes otherwise delightful children revert into tantrum throwing, irrational little monsters. Just remember to breathe, and keep telling yourself "this too shall pass".
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