Do You secretly cut your baby boys hair?

greenfire

Fri, Dec 26 2014, 9:59 am

if you can't wait - why keep it a secret ... cutting at 3 is a very nice minhag ... but lying about it sounds sinful

sonny boy's hair was kept in a simple pony at the back with a yarmulke on his head ... never took "before" pictures because I didn't really comprehend the need to show off long girly hair ... we did however take professional after upsherin photographs

youngishbear

Fri, Dec 26 2014, 10:58 am

Zehava, I'm just wondering out of curiosity. Where would you cut to control frizzy curls? And how would it make a difference? And how would it not be noticeable?

Is it possible to make a difference without being noticeable? It sounds paradoxical to me. Have you figured out a way to do it?

suzyq

Fri, Dec 26 2014, 11:56 am

My son recently had his upsherin - his hair was beautiful and almost to his waist before we cut it. I didn't see it as a hassle at all - we just put it up in a ponytail and kept it up as much as possible, which kept the tangles out. I miss that beautiful hair (we donated it cuz it was so long), but I do have another son whose hair is starting to get long...

Zehava

Fri, Dec 26 2014, 12:24 pm

youngishbear wrote:

Zehava, I'm just wondering out of curiosity. Where would you cut to control frizzy curls? And how would it make a difference? And how would it not be noticeable?
Is it possible to make a difference without being noticeable? It sounds paradoxical to me. Have you figured out a way to do it?

His hair is curly so if I just consistently trim it with no specific pattern or cut no one will notice people will just assume he's one of those kids who's hair starts growing late.

youngishbear

Fri, Dec 26 2014, 12:29 pm

Maybe do some research about the minhag, and then decide if the convenience is worth it. I don't know much because it didn't bother me enough to want to cut. My son had long full hair ending in curls. If I would cut, the precious curls would be gone, so not worth it...

sky

Fri, Dec 26 2014, 12:29 pm

In some ways having the hair longer is easier to control.

My 3 1/2 year old daughter has super curly, frizzy, knotty messy hair. It is still above her shoulders with no cutting and it is a disaster (an adorable disaster).
If it was longer I could just put in a pony tail, but the best I can do no is just pull the front out of her eyes with a pin.

I agree with researching the root of the minhag.
also, what does your husband say, I'm not sure it would be fair to do anything behind his back if he holds strongly of the minhag.

Scrabble123

Fri, Dec 26 2014, 12:45 pm

I think that some individuals are just super inconvenienced by long hair and pretty annoyed/bothered by it to the point where trimming it may just make sense. I remember seeing my friends nephew around 4 months before his upsherin... I remember how many months because it was by far the longest hair I had ever seen. He had extremely frizzy, tight black curls which were below his waist at the time I saw him. Later on, my friend sent me a picture of him after his upsherin with pesos below his knees while curly (if you would straighten it he could have walked on it...). Anyways, his mother was very easy going, and so was the child, and she just braided or made a bun and it was what it is. I know another person who really felt very nervous every time she looked into her child's face and saw hair growing it his eyes so she trimmed it even though it was totally unacceptable in her community. I don't think that her husband had a problem with it because he'd rather she his wife calm than his kid have super long hair. I guess that people have to evaluate how much a minhag means to them, how bothered they / their children are with the hair, and how much tolerance they both can have in order to keep this minhag. You may want to consult a hair dresser and find out which products will keep his hair the easiest to control and deal with: weather that be mousse, gel, etc. I think that learning about the minhag may increase your tolerance as well....

ora_43

Sat, Dec 27 2014, 4:08 pm

Zehava wrote:

Because where I live it's unheard of. Really? Do I need to feel guilty now for keeping my sons frizzy curls under control?

Of course not, it's just unusual to feel the need to hide the fact that you're cutting your child's hair.

At least, I think it's unusual. Now that you've mentioned secret hair-cutting, I'm realizing there's no way to know Confused

.

I'm not sure it makes sense to trim, though. If you keep your kid's hair short until age 3, it'll be noticeable. So it will need to be at least medium-long if you want to pretend to be holding by the whole upsherin thing. And if it's going to be at least medium-long, IME it's easier to just go with long-long, so that you can put it in a ponytail. That awkward in-between stage where the hair is just long enough to be in the way, but not long enough that you can do anything with it, is the most annoying.

(speaking from experience with girls' hair (curly and straight) here, as we don't do upsherin. but assuming boys' hair is not very different.)

That's my advice re: hair. Regarding your community - maybe consider why you love your community enough that you don't want to risk even a hint of non-conformity, but still don't feel comfortable openly doing something you feel is OK to do. I'm not saying your approach is wrong, just, maybe make sure this one little thing isn't a symptom of a more serious issue (if you've discussed this elsewhere already, my apologies).