SIL inviting herself for shabbos. Mikvah Friday night. WWYD?

amother

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 1:09 pm

amother wrote:

She's not coming after all. Her ride didn't work out Very Happy

Kol hakovod to you. You went outside of your comfort zone and were willing to lose out to increase shalom with someone and now you get Schar as if you did the chessed plus you get to cuddle with DH all weekend Smile

amother

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 3:44 pm

Omg. Get over yourself already. All this drama you are a bit obsessive. Its really annoying to everyone. Deal with life without the sob stories. Its not such a big deal to have had her. I feel bad for her that she was so unwanted by you unbeknowst to her. Lucky for you u can snuggle and cuddle all shabbos- hooray

amother

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 4:19 pm

amother wrote:

I agree that op is a total drama queen, but hopefully she learned to take things more in stride and to be more welcoming from these posts.

amother

Sat, Jan 10 2015, 2:22 pm

amother wrote:

I agree that op is a total drama queen, but hopefully she learned to take things more in stride and to be more welcoming from these posts.

Enough. OP asked us what we would do, based on her later posts, hoping we would agree w/ her not wanting SIL. We didn't (I posted earlier). We set her straight and helped her realize that there will likely be future consequences if she wants to live in lalaland. She got that (I hope?!). Do we have to continue to antagonize her? It's a good thing she is not a very emotional person (as she says), b/c if I were her, I would feel attacked and think 20 times before posting anything. In fact, I do b/c I have my own shtuyot that I might want advice about, but don't feel like having 8 pages of attacks! I'm seeing this a lot.

When I was a kid, we were told, "if you don't have a/t nice to say, don't say it all". In the case of a forum, I would rephrase it and say, "if you don't have anything HELPFUL or INTERESTING to say, don't say it all!" Also, if you think the thread is stupid, don't respond. If you think your answer is TMI for you, don't respond. No-one is asking YOU to respond. They are asking people who are interested in the topic to respond.

Also, I am not saying that we have to agree, but once all the angles have been considered, why repeat them? It just makes people want to hide under amother or not post.

Iymnok

Sat, Jan 10 2015, 2:37 pm

amother wrote:

I agree that op is a total drama queen, but hopefully she learned to take things more in stride and to be more welcoming from these posts.

Why are you another?
Do you not have stressful or difficult situations in your life that an outside view would help your clarity?
It's your Shalom bayis absolutely perfect with no disagreements?
Are you able to please everyone 100% of the time?

Leave op alone, she came for chizzuk and help not to be criticized for her views and situations out of her control.

amother

Sat, Jan 10 2015, 7:18 pm

OP: No, I'm not a drama queen and I don't think this whole thing was that big a deal. I didn't want her but agreed to have her because clearly everyone else would. The views here definitely affected my decision to have her though looking back I think it was the wrong choice and I'm glad she couldn't make it.

Hachnosas orchim is definitely not an easy mitzvah for me and I may have to work on that. I'd venture to say that everyone here struggles with some mitzvahas that are easier for others and you know what? None of us are perfect.

amother

Sat, Jan 10 2015, 7:29 pm

U r right. Just to mention one is to learn how to respect others even tho u have a difference of opinion.
I shall hope we r all adult women and need to behave accordingly. Including knowing when to stay silent.

"Reden is silver, shvagen is gold"

d l

Sat, Jan 10 2015, 9:35 pm

Wow that is amazing how it worked out!

You were still nice and invited her and she didn't end up coming!

So happy for you that you didn't have the stress of having her, and at the same time really impressed that you went out of your way and comfort zone and was prepared to have her.

Seems like it really worked out perfectly bh.

amother

Sat, Jan 10 2015, 11:05 pm

Fave wrote:

Glad it worked out. Just wondering about the chance that you SIL has access to Imamother (either she or a married family member/friend) and cancelled her trip because of this thread....

Nope. Group trip cancelled due to the weather.

luppamom

Sun, Jan 11 2015, 2:57 am

amother wrote:

I don't know what I would say for the future, but for this week I would venture to suggest that Hashem agreed w/ you. Lifum tzara agra, you are likely getting so much schar for trying to make this work if it's hard for you in general and would be even harder on this particular Shabbos. It's also amazing how you were mikabel mussar even though you had your mind pretty much set. I am very impressed by you!