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GRRR Neighbor vent!
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 01 2015, 10:12 pm
Twisted Evil Exploding anger Twisted Evil

Had to get this off my chest. We live in a less-than-ideal situation in a 1bdrm apt w/2 kids, the 2 kids sleep in a little cordoned off "bedroom" in the living room. The older one (4) has a short temper and a speech issue which makes his cry sound very grating, so he often has melt downs that are very loud. He doesn't like to go to sleep and it takes him forever to go to sleep. He insists on me staying with him until he falls asleep, and he protests everytime I get up to leave.

Tonight after several ultimatums to go to lie down or I was going to my room (over an hour and a half after I put them in bed following our bed time routine), I finally counted to 10, he didn't listen so I went to my room and closed the door. Which caused both of them to come banging on my door screaming. Not 2 minutes later our only non-Jewish neighbor (who has grown children) comes knocking at our door, asking why my kids are screaming "Every night" and that it "breaks her heart" to hear my kids screaming, and that she tought we weren't home so she was going to call the police!!! Granted we are planning to move later on this year especially b/c we have 1 more on the way, but what am I supposed to do? Let my kids dictate my evening for the next 6 months?! We have a bedtime routine, we tried melatonin w/ mixed results, we put lavender oil to help them relax, I have a relaxation ocean waves CD which played in its entirety tonight without them falling asleep. How can I get my neighbor off my case?

FTR we've heard PLENTY of disturbing screaming from their apartment the first few years of our marriage. This neighbor kicks her husband out and we used to hear him sobbing through the walls. Plus we hear their little ---"yippy" dog all evening--but that dog seems to have saved their marriage.
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Dandelion1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 01 2015, 10:19 pm
I say apologize for the noise, explain that young children sometimes cry, and move on with your night as you see fit. There is nothing else you can do. If they are so intolerant of other people's noise, they will have to get a private house.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 01 2015, 10:26 pm
You have a cordoned off area for sleeping in the living room. Laugh if you want, but I would plunk myself and my husband there.

Put the kids in the bedroom. They need the quiet and the sense of enclosure to sleep, perhaps.

Just get some starkers to help you switch the beds around.

The kids are still so little there isn't much modesty issue.

Just a thought.

I think it's being in the middle of the house, the psychological main arena where the action is, that is keeping them up, until raw exhaustion puts them to sleep. But that's not going to sleep, it's crashing to sleep. Even if you and your husband are quiet, it's still the center of the house. The kids know that.

From observing YOU they know sleep is supposed to be done in an enclosed place out of the center. It's not that they have attitude, it's that they are getting mixed messages.

This situation is not good training for them. They aren't learning how to compose themselves in a private place and let sleep happen willingly.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 01 2015, 11:01 pm
Dolly Welsh wrote:
You have a cordoned off area for sleeping in the living room. Laugh if you want, but I would plunk myself and my husband there.

Put the kids in the bedroom. They need the quiet and the sense of enclosure to sleep, perhaps.

Just get some starkers to help you switch the beds around.

The kids are still so little there isn't much modesty issue.

Just a thought.

I think it's being in the middle of the house, the psychological main arena where the action is, that is keeping them up, until raw exhaustion puts them to sleep. But that's not going to sleep, it's crashing to sleep. Even if you and your husband are quiet, it's still the center of the house. The kids know that.

From observing YOU they know sleep is supposed to be done in an enclosed place out of the center. It's not that they have attitude, it's that they are getting mixed messages.

This situation is not good training for them. They aren't learning how to compose themselves in a private place and let sleep happen willingly.


OP here, we've entertained that idea, but the problem is that a) They have toddler beds, we have x-long twins--and really good ones, we didn't want to give them up for a high-riser b)There would be no room for our dressers, and I don't want my kids having access to my drawers. 3)Their area is enclosed by book cases, and in many ways I don't see it as much different than a separate room in which they wouldn't want the door closed.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 01 2015, 11:16 pm
You neighbor is not wrong. It is up to you to control your children.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 01 2015, 11:18 pm
Then tire them out at the park more.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 01 2015, 11:19 pm
amother wrote:
You neighbor is not wrong. It is up to you to control your children.


Op is very obviously trying. Why don't you give her some concrete ideas?
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 01 2015, 11:20 pm
Is it even legal to have four people in a one bedroom apartment? I live in the West and I know that local towns have occupancy limits. A one bedroom can be occupied by 2 adults and one child under the age of 5.
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the world's best mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 01 2015, 11:49 pm
Well, I'll say the neighbor is wrong. All children cry sometimes. There's no magic button that will shut them off.

And it is legal to have 4 people living in a one bedroom apartment where I live. I know many people who are/were in the same situation.

I don't know the best way to deal with the neighbors. On the one hand, you don't want to mess up your kids by trying to make sure that nobody cries ever, but on the other hand, you don't want them to call the police on you. Is there any way you can reassure them that children are noisy creatures and that doesn't mean they've been left alone, abused, or neglected?
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amother


 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 12:00 am
MaBelleVie wrote:
Op is very obviously trying. Why don't you give her some concrete ideas?


Her kids were banging on her bedroom door and screaming every night and she complains about her neighbor? Her very first thing is to be considerate of get neighbors.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 12:46 am
amother wrote:
You neighbor is not wrong. It is up to you to control your children.


for goodness sake have you ever had children? those are not digital pets!!!
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 12:48 am
amother wrote:
Her kids were banging on her bedroom door and screaming every night and she complains about her neighbor? Her very first thing is to be considerate of get neighbors.


Her very first thing is to discipline her kids and give them consequence for misbehavior. She is a parent before she is a neighbor.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 3:49 am
Growing up our neighbor was a foster parent to up to 4 teenage boys at a time. They called the police on us a couple times when some someone was having a tantrum. Once my sister was screaming because she didn't want her nails cut, the other time my brother wad having a tantrum.
They knocked on the door and the rest of us got strip edited over seeing policemen at our house we began jumping up and down asking to see their gun, handcuffs, badge... They had trouble keeping a straight face when asking for our parents.
It was obvious we were normal, there were no charges.
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abound




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 5:45 am
Put them to sleep at night in your room and once they are sleeping move them over to their beds. Or put them to sleep one in your room and one in his bed and then they won't keep each other up.
Good Luck!
and remember, your children are normal!
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amother


 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 7:49 am
amother wrote:
You neighbor is not wrong. It is up to you to control your children.


Control? We do not control our children. We teach and we train. We do not control. They are not our legs that we say walk. They are not a piece of furniture that will not move. They have their own minds, wants and desires. We teach. We try.

My father thought he could control us as well -he abused. Controlling people is abusive.
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Emotional




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 8:03 am
amother wrote:
Control? We do not control our children. We teach and we train. We do not control. They are not our legs that we say walk. They are not a piece of furniture that will not move. They have their own minds, wants and desires. We teach. We try.

My father thought he could control us as well -he abused. Controlling people is abusive.

This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 8:04 am
amother wrote:
You neighbor is not wrong. It is up to you to control your children.


Control how? Maybe she should tie them up and tape their mouths with duct tape?
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amother


 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 8:12 am
amother wrote:
Control? We do not control our children. We teach and we train. We do not control. They are not our legs that we say walk. They are not a piece of furniture that will not move. They have their own minds, wants and desires. We teach. We try.

My father thought he could control us as well -he abused. Controlling people is abusive.


There is a difference between normal control and abuse. It is not normal to allow your children to screech and bang on your bedroom door every night. You control them so your neighbor has peace immediately. You teach and train at your leisure. These kids obviously weren't taught and trained properly. I would not tolerate my children screeching and banging on my door and I am certainly not an abusive person. I tell my children that certain behaviors are unacceptable without hitting or screaming.
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Emotional




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 8:14 am
amother wrote:
You neighbor is not wrong. It is up to you to control your children.

That was an excerpt from "Parenting in One Easy Step" by Genius A. Amother.


Last edited by Emotional on Fri, Jan 02 2015, 8:17 am; edited 1 time in total
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jan 02 2015, 8:16 am
amother wrote:
There is a difference between normal control and abuse. It is not normal to allow your children to screech and bang on your bedroom door every night. You control them so your neighbor has peace immediately. You teach and train at your leisure. These kids obviously weren't taught and trained properly. I would not tolerate my children screeching and banging on my door and I am certainly not an abusive person. I tell my children that certain behaviors are unacceptable without hitting or screaming.


I wish you be my mom. You sound perfect.
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