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Are parenting classes necessary?



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amother


 

Post Sun, Jan 04 2015, 7:20 pm
I would like to take a parenting class. Bh, no issues, just typical age-appropriate challenges. I just am always looking for me tricks and tools. Not to mention that its an opportunity to make some friends. I've noticed several frum oriented classes advertised in my area and want to try one. But DH thinks they're silly because they cost money and why pay when you can Google things for free. He is not averse to learning things that help us in thus area, he is just averse to paying. There's a lot of great stuff online, so I totally understand where he's coming from. I WANT to attend a course but is there anything a course can provide that I can't find online or in a book? Thanks.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 04 2015, 7:54 pm
A live teacher can (hopefully) answer your questions, even if no one else has ever asked them. Online you have to settle for whatever someone else asked.
Are parenting classes necessary?Considering that people have been parenting for over 5 thousand years, and parenting classes have been around for 50 years, give or take a decade, the answer is clearly "no". Are they useful? Maybe yes, maybe no. Decidedly a good way to meet people in the same stage of life so an excellent place to try to make some new friends.

You need to know your own learning style. Some people can read a book and --bam--they acquire a skill. Others need to hear a teacher talk, yet others need to take notes, a fourth group needs to see with their eyes, a fifth needs to go through the motions themselves. The more learning modalities you use, the better (I'm not quite sure what a "modality" is, but I think it's hyperinflated lingo for "way of doing things"), so just reading a book or online is not usually going to be the best way to learn, but if you are usually good at learning from reading alone, it can work for you. OTOH you will learn better if you attend a class, listen to the lecture, watch the instructor role-play, take notes, read the handouts, participate in the role-playing exercises, etc.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 04 2015, 8:03 pm
I would say your instincts rule.

It is a very instinct-driven time. And your arguments are sweet reason itself.

Ha. I bet it isn't the money. It's standing around looking stupid in front of a bunch of hormonal women exchanging fidgety glances with other equally fidgety new fathers.

Poor guy. Try to be sympathetic. But yes, drag him, just once. Then feverishly get other women's phone numbers. Come with a small pad of paper and a pen.
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Jewishmofm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 5:39 pm
It sounds like you are looking more for a parenting support group than a class. why not create one? Put out the word that you will be at park x on this day at this time, or at coffee shop x at this day and time. When people get together, the talk will naturally fall to child rearing and you will get tips from the trenches. Or just schedule two playdates at your place at the same time, and voila - two moms to talk to. No purchase necessary (although you may want to bring snacks to share, its not strictly necessary)
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 6:34 pm
Not necessary but very helpful. As u said it's a place to make new friends. U can socialize without kids pulling on ur skirt. U get to hear other ppl's experiences. When ppl read online and books they can get confused and don't keep to one method. But when u join a class u commit urself to that method.

Some times when a person is at a loss and doesn't know what to do they have a place to turn. (Now everyone come bashing. Don't need to take a parenting class for that. I agree but if u r taking the class it's an added bonus.)
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cinnamonlover




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 7:03 pm
Sometimes you might need one on one advice which you cannot get online or from a book.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 7:55 pm
You mentioned going live - really nice idea. When I go to live classes, I like the energy by being with other women face to face

If you're not particular though about that part, Rabbi Dov Brezak shlita has live weekly teleconference workshop. You can google Project Kavey.

I think it's out of this world.

Hatzlacha
Rabbi Brezak said in a series on "Shalom Bayis vs chinuch", that better than any chinuch tool is shalom bayis
(I'm also in Sarah Yocheved Rigler's Shalom Bayis Kesher Wife Inner Circle workshop... I can use all the help I can get!
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 6:56 am
I wouldn't pay for this, unless you have a precise thing.
Especially in internet age.
And before that, I would have asked an older successful mother I guess Smile
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 8:41 am
Ruchel wrote:
I wouldn't pay for this, unless you have a precise thing.
Especially in internet age.
And before that, I would have asked an older successful mother I guess Smile


I have mixed feelings about it. It can be that the old experienced mother didn't have these problems. On the other hand, I find them better then some young lecturers who haven't actually raised a child.

I was once at a shiur where the rebetzen was saying that you shouldn't apply any pressure at bedtime, even if it takes too long, you should stay calm.
Someone asked, what if kids end up falling asleep later and being late for school in the morning?

So she said, I don't know, my kids never sleep in!
And all the attendants said - "And out kids DO!!!"
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 9:22 am
Ruchel wrote:
I wouldn't pay for this, unless you have a precise thing.
Especially in internet age.
And before that, I would have asked an older successful mother I guess Smile

My mom tells me she doesn't remember her kids saying "no". She didn't have such challenging kids.
It's a completely different generation. After all we do see a lot fall thru the cracks so we do need to be a little more educated and learn to become a professional parent.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 9:31 am
No necessary.
But it definitely helps. I took a short class and gained amazing.
some things that are instinct aren't so great. I learned great tools.
I went to a small course that was very give and take and realistic.

I don't know where you live but in some places there is funding for parenting classes. In Lakewood there is Title 1 money that is used for parent enrichment. Some schools will give that toward parenting classes. You can call your child's school to find out.
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blushy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 10:15 am
I didn't think classes were necessary until I actually took them and learned about all the stuff I was doing wrong! Obviously, take a course from someone reputable, not some "young lecturer" as another poster mentioned. A lot of classes are given in small groups, so there's more questions, more discussion, so you're more likely to be able to gear it towards your specific concerns. And many instructors will gladly give out their phone numbers if you have new issues to discuss after the course is over.
To those that say, "well, our mothers did just fine without 'em", sorry, we live in a very CRAZY, different world right now, and to not acknowledge that most of us will need to navigate some very different situations than our parents did is just sticking our heads in the sand.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 10:22 am
amother wrote:
My mom tells me she doesn't remember her kids saying "no". She didn't have such challenging kids.
It's a completely different generation. After all we do see a lot fall thru the cracks so we do need to be a little more educated and learn to become a professional parent.


Challenging kids always existed, read Laura Ingalls' teacher experience. I was actually SHOCKED.

That said, kids are different mostly because WE are. We agonize, intellectualize, PCize, feel guilty ("consequences" for punishment...), expect to be perfect. Mostly, our (grand)parents just, didn't.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 10:28 am
Ruchel wrote:
Challenging kids always existed, read Laura Ingalls' teacher experience. I was actually SHOCKED.

That said, kids are different mostly because WE are. We agonize, intellectualize, PCize, feel guilty ("consequences" for punishment...), expect to be perfect. Mostly, our (grand)parents just, didn't.


But they weren't expected to sit in class all day and learn. Our expectations are as high as the schools expectations are.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 10:49 am
sky wrote:
No necessary.
But it definitely helps. I took a short class and gained amazing.
some things that are instinct aren't so great. I learned great tools.
I went to a small course that was very give and take and realistic.

I don't know where you live but in some places there is funding for parenting classes. In Lakewood there is Title 1 money that is used for parent enrichment. Some schools will give that toward parenting classes. You can call your child's school to find out.

Can I ask what the course was?
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 11:53 am
amother wrote:
Can I ask what the course was?


Reach Parenting. Its in someone's house around a table. Groups are split by the age of children so everyone is in the same stage. It is very interactive.
they discuss a lot about active listening, Postive I messages, Consequences, Saying No, which has been invaluable to be - it is how every person wants to be heard - and it allows kids to express themselves.
Phase I is about 6 sessions. They then have Phase II and III. I took I and II, but found I to enough on its own.
They will try to work with you to get Title I money if applicable.

An example of a tool I learned:
Son: "I hate my teacher. She is the meanest and worst teacher ever"
Instinct: "Don't say you hate your teacher" "She isn't mean" "Remember when she gave you a sticker yesterday" "You are so luck to have such an exciting teacher, didn't she make you do a new science experiment yesterday"...
Active Listening: "I'm so sorry you feel your teacher hates you. That must really make you miserable". it really works. Within a few minutes I have the entire story. I'm amazed at how amazing it is over and over again.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 11:55 am
amother wrote:
But they weren't expected to sit in class all day and learn. Our expectations are as high as the schools expectations are.


Parental and school expectations have CRUMBLED in the last decade(s).
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