Messed Up W/ CIO, Can I Retry?

amother

Tue, Jan 06 2015, 4:28 pm

I wanted to do CIO on my 6 mo. old, but I kept chickening out. Lately, she's been waking up a lot and having a hard time falling asleep. I usually go to her right away, but s/t when I need some sanity, I'll let her cry (try to do only 5 mins.) and then go to her once I regrouped and can be a good mother. I try to only do this as my last resort, but I've been up to my last resort a lot lately. Will may lack of consistancy cause CIO to NOT work or should I try it anyway?

bezrasHashem1

Tue, Jan 06 2015, 5:03 pm

Lack of consistency will most probably cause CIO n ot to work. Make a choice whether or not your want to do it and then stick with it. For the baby's sake stay consistent...it's very difficult for a baby to learn to self soothe when they are interrupted every once on a while...I'd your decide to do it check out the book your child's sleep problems

tryinghard

Tue, Jan 06 2015, 8:23 pm

can your dh handle it better than you? mine kicked me out of the house so I wouldn't go in to DD - he told me, "go to the library, go shopping, just don't be here if you can't handle not going to her because she needs to learn to sleep!"... and when I came home she was asleep. It was a total of 2 or 3 nights that were really hard for me - but then we were done!

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 8:42 am

I'm sorry. I did not explain myself clearly. I did not do CIO. I did let the baby cry for a few mins. when I'm ready to start pulling out my hair... (if you get what I mean) Lately, that's been a little too often.

I want to try CIO, I am just worried that it's not going to work for the baby b/c of what I've been doing.

My main reluctance w/ CIO is that my baby sucks a pacifier. If the paci falls out, she doesn't go to sleep and from what I heard about CIO, I can't go in and give it to her. Any advice on this?

I really think I need to do it though, ASAP b/c it pains me much more to let the baby cry for selfish reasons (although, really for her good b/c I'm trying to catch myself before I lose it).

OK, I think I'm going to buy the book and do it right!

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 9:22 am

What you did wasn't really CIO. YOu just came to her later, as you would have done if you were busy with th eother kid or in the bathroom.
I don't know if it'S YOUR FIRST KID, BUT when you have older kids, the younger babies get to do a lot of such "CIOing".
You need to mentally prepare to cio, read up on it, NOT let her cry like that for a couple of days. Really, just keep her happy and possibly well rested, so she doesn't start sleep training in an over-tired state.

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 9:45 am

amother wrote:

You didn't read what I wrote. I never said that I did CIO. I just let my baby for a set amount of time b/c I was not managing. I WANT to do CIO. I was asking if what I did (the past) is going to make it hard for me to do CIO in the future. Overall, I really try not to let my baby cry, but there are some times that she just won't go to sleep unless she does for a little bit.

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2015, 9:50 am

There's only one way to find out if it will work... and that's by trying!
I'll tell you my story: FOr six months, my baby slept beautifully. Suddenly, in middle of his sixth month, for about a week, he refused to be in his crib. As soon as I put him in, no matter how tired he was, he began crying. I didn't have the strength to do CIO so I let him sleep with me and dh.
After a week of this, I decided that's it! I did CIO (at least what I think is C!O)- I didn't have the book, but I followed what I saw online and on imamother: I put baby in the crib, soothed him, said "goodnight, I love you..." and left. He cried... I came back after 5 minutes... repeated this cycle for an hour. Eventually, he was tired from all that crying and fell asleep.
On the second night, I let him cry for 6-7 minutes at a time. And on the third night, he fell asleep after I rocked him for a minute.
Now, when I put him in bed, he cries for maybe a minute and then falls asleep. Sometimes he doesn't cry at all...
Try it! Be consistent though.

amother

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 3:47 pm

amother wrote:

This is the way I understood it and I answered according to the situation you described.

amother

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 4:36 pm

amother wrote:

This is the way I understood it and I answered according to the situation you described.

I guess my title was confusing. I didn't realize how I wrote it. It makes sense that you thought I did CIO.

Anyway, update! I bought Ferber's book and tonight is the first night of CIO! Smile

I really hope it works for us. I just fed her now (waited like Ferber said to do) and my let down reflex was stronger than it's been in a looooonnnnnggggg time as she's been eating so frequently lately.

amother

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 4:39 pm

amother wrote:

I guess my title was confusing. I didn't realize how I wrote it. It makes sense that you thought I did CIO.

Anyway, update! I bought Ferber's book and tonight is the first night of CIO! Smile

so is she sleeping?

amother

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 4:46 pm

amother wrote:

so is she sleeping?

Currently, yes bli ayin hora.

So far it's 11:44 PM and she woke up once at 9:30, then again at 10:00, then again around 11:00. At 11:00 I fed her. (She's used to eating every 2.5 hrs. at night, so I stretched her til 3.) The feeding went very well. She usually sleeps w/ a paci so this is another adjustment for her.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 5:32 pm

Never fight nature. Pet the kid or just talk quietly to her a little, touching her only a very little. You don't want to stimulate her but you want to let her know you are there. Don't pick her up.

What you are doing now is training her to shriek as loudly as possible, because that's what works. And, that this shrieking has to be done for a while, before it's effective.

That's how to train someone to whine all their life, deep into old age.

Comfort the kid, and enjoy life. Soon enough, you will wonder how she is and wish she would call.

Give, give, give. Then they will give to you, later.

You don't want them to let you CIO, do you?

The Happy Wife

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 7:22 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Actually, this helped my son go to sleep calmly and happily.

Dolly, not all olds who cry it out become lifelong whiners. In fact, I would say most don't. This IS a form of giving. You are giving your child coping skills and a good nights rest and a calmer Mommy

-From a non-whining mother who was allowed to cry it out as a baby

amother

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 2:00 am

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Dolly, I wish. Please don't think I am doing CIO just b/c. I have put a lot of thought into it. In my case, I can't go patting her w/ every whimper b/c this happens again and again. I'm a SAHM that works PT from home and my family needs me to be able to work, clean up the house, make supper and be there for them. When the baby wakes up every 1.5 hrs., I can't do this. I end up letting the baby cry anyway, b/c I can't do the back patting thing and nursing and nursing so often and stay sane. As I wrote in the OP, I often let the baby cry for a few mins. anyway. (I noticed that this tends to help her sleep and it allows me to take a break, which I desperately need as I am about to lose it.) Once I am doing this anyway, I don't think it's fair to be inconsistent (as pps have reminded me). If she learns how to sleep, it will be to her benefit as she will be much less tired (she's often tired during the day) and she will have a much better mother who is attuned to her needs.

amother

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 2:09 am

OP here.

Some questions about CIO. I did it last night and wasn't sure about a few things. Disclaimer: I have not finished Ferber yet, but read the main parts.

A. How is the waiting period calculated?

This is what my baby often does. She will cry. So I wait 5 mins. before the first visit (Ferber, day #2) . But, often, after 2 mins. of crying, she will calm down and start playing and making noises. Then 2 mins. later, she'll start crying. Do I visit her 5 mins. from the first cry or the last cry? Or does she have to be crying 5 mins. consecutively before I visit her.

B. Ferber says to gradually delay the night-time feedings by a half an hr. each night. But, lets say my baby wakes up a half an hr. before she's due to feed per Ferber. I do CIO, first 5 mins., then 10, then 10... but then, in the middle of the second 10, it's time to eat! Do I take the baby out and feed her or does that disrupt CIO as she might think that her crying caused me to take her out? She is hungry as she's used to eating very often at night. What am I supposed to do?

amother

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 3:03 am

I am the amother who has been replying to you.
Frankly speaking I have never done ferber because it sounds too complicated and artificial. I did weissbluth though, before I learned to trust my gut.
I think, if it's time for the feeding you come in to feed her. She will have learned that even if nursing is not happening at every wimper,t will happen eventually, so she will get used to it.
Also, weissbluth is not so strict with feedinga by minute. if she wakes up 20 min earlier, it's not such a big deal in his book. Kids are not robots to this extent!