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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants
Do I need help?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 5:25 pm
I have full time help for m twins who are almost a month old. My nanny does everything. I have been so depressed lately all ido is sit in my room and watch tv and let the nanny do everything. Am I overwhelmed and NEED the help or is having the help enabling me not to take responsibility. Im really worried I am missing this time in my childrens life. PLEASE HELP I NEED ADVICE
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 5:42 pm
Hon, you need help, and I don't mean the nanny but mental health type of help. It is neither normal nor healthy for a new mom to do nothing with or for her children. The nanny should be teaching you how to care for the babies if you are clueless, and she should be handling one child while you handle the other. Of course you should switch off so you get used to both babies equally, and so they get used to you. The point of having help is to have an extra lap and set of hands, not for you to relinquish all responsibility. You are the mother, after all.

You said yourself that you are depressed. This may well explain why you are taking no interest in your children. Please get help for your depression NOW.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 5:45 pm
What do you mean by "my nanny does everything "?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 7:18 pm
original op here. meaning I do nothing. font bathe them, feed them or even see them some days...


I literalllly dont even wake up for them. I open the door for the nanny and then slink back into my room and dont come out until hours later when they are asleep. I dont even play with them
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smss




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 7:25 pm
I think you know the answer to your question, OP.

there is help out there and you CAN get better- reach out for it.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 7:31 pm
You should get help. Kol Hakavod for reaching out.
Try Yad Rachel - 732-364-4462
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 7:37 pm
this is the most precious miraculous time of life ... please figure out [with help if needed for postpartum depression] how to get out of this funk ...

can you try just holding them for a few minutes until then ?
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 06 2015, 7:38 pm
Oh yes you need help. Call your doc immediately and say what you said here.

Meanwhile give a used blouse of yours with your body scent to the nanny and have her put it where the babies can smell it.

It has only been a couple of weeks, this can be addressed.

Try to have them lie on your bare chest once a day, one at a time. Not right after a shower. If you can.

Please get all the help you can, from any direction, even several kinds of help at once.

Sit and talk to the nanny before she goes home. Have her tell you how the day went with them, how they are acting.

Let her give you used clothes of theirs to smell. Nothing icky, just used from their bodies. Or a blanket. You need their smell. Both of them.

Hugs and more hugs. Much sympathy from here.

There are meds for this. Please have confidence you can be helped. There is a lot that can be done for you.

Please be certain to eat and do your own self-care.

If there is a family issue here, get help from that angle also. Meaning, have somebody help you with that too.

There is nothing wrong with calling a helping organization that is not quite the exact right one for a problem. They have heard of the others; they are in the field; they have directories and they can ask among the staff which place might be for you. Even the wrong places can recommend something.

There is no wrong phone call to make.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 6:57 am
Make sure to get a thyroid Blood test, full panel
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Abby2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 8:34 am
Kudos to you for recognizing that there is a problem. You do need help. You seem to be suffering from ppd. Ppd is an emergency, you need to get help now.
These first few months are crucial to bonding between mother and Child. Its the start of forming a healthy attachment, being depressed hinders this process and can have long term consequences.

This is not your fault, but you do need to get help asap so you and your children can form a healthh and strong bond.

Please make an appointment to see your doctor.
Hatzlocha
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Lady Bug




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 8:45 am
I agree with all previous posters.

Also, for now, holding each baby for a few minutes each day is a good start.

Where is your DH in all this?
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LALA2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 5:24 pm
please don't scare this poor girl...the responders are right, you know the answer to your question.
but its not so simple....

I remember being SOO overwhelmed in the beginning. Having help is an amazing opportunity to have. Why don't you start small? Go for a walk with one baby while the nanny takes care of another one. You don't have to be with " a baby" at all times. Take time for yourself to do what you enjoy- get out of your room and stop watching TV. Go for walks, exercise, force yourself if you have to.
Make sure that you get your sleep so that you are physically alert during the day to care for "a baby". Slowly over time build up on what you do for the baby...
Start taking vitamins, get in a lot of fish oil...

Seeing a therapist is a good idea but taking meds may or may not be a good idea...you will see how it goes...
Don't worry about the bonding...my mom wasn't with me for the first 2 months of my life b/c she was in the hospital and I love her so much :-)
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causemommysaid




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 5:31 pm
LALA2 wrote:
please don't scare this poor girl...the responders are right, you know the answer to your question.
but its not so simple....

I remember being SOO overwhelmed in the beginning. Having help is an amazing opportunity to have. Why don't you start small? Go for a walk with one baby while the nanny takes care of another one. You don't have to be with " a baby" at all times. Take time for yourself to do what you enjoy- get out of your room and stop watching TV. Go for walks, exercise, force yourself if you have to.
Make sure that you get your sleep so that you are physically alert during the day to care for "a baby". Slowly over time build up on what you do for the baby...
Start taking vitamins, get in a lot of fish oil...

Seeing a therapist is a good idea but taking meds may or may not be a good idea...you will see how it goes...
Don't worry about the bonding...my mom wasn't with me for the first 2 months of my life b/c she was in the hospital and I love her so much :-)


This is great advice for someone who is not suffering from PPD.

The OP clearly is and needs medical help.

Fish oil, vitamins, and walks will not change a chemical imbalance.

OP please call your doctor immediately and make an appointment. Tell them what you wrote here.
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 07 2015, 11:39 pm
Yes you need to talk with a therapist. And if you don't have a doctor who can refer you, then you could call your pediatrician. A good pediatrician will be ready to refer moms who are suffering from PPD. I know mine screens new moms for PPD at each visit during the first year.

You are going to feel so much better with help! So you can enjoy those delicious babies!!! I have BTDT - both the twins and the PPD.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 08 2015, 12:21 am
Omg op yes you absolutely need help.
You have days that you don't even see your babies!
That's not normal.
Your nanny may physically care for your babies but not mentally or emotionally. They need mommy.

Where is your husband on all this?
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vicki




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 08 2015, 4:41 am
I was unsure from your original post if you feel you are depressed because you are not taking any care of your children or are you not taking any care of your children because you are depressed.

If the former - take baby steps with playing with a baby when well fed and clean. Give hugs.
If the latter - seek out a therapist.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 08 2015, 3:30 pm
original op here. they are not babies.. the are almost a year old if you read the original post. I did hold them a lot in the beginning. Thanks yes I know I need therapy. I have a therapist and I am on meds. nothing is helping though. and I want to know if I should just kick out my full time help. maybe being forced to deal with them is the answer.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 08 2015, 3:34 pm
Your original post says almost 1 month.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 08 2015, 3:34 pm
amother wrote:
original op here. they are not babies.. the are almost a year old if you read the original post. I did hold them a lot in the beginning. Thanks yes I know I need therapy. I have a therapist and I am on meds. nothing is helping though. and I want to know if I should just kick out my full time help. maybe being forced to deal with them is the answer.


The op says almost a month old, not a year old. Oy, this is even worse Sad Maybe you need a different therapist and/or an adjustment in meds? You shouldn't still be feeling this way. Don't drop your help until you're in a better place. Hugs.
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rkade10




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 08 2015, 3:38 pm
You do actually write in the original post that they are a month old. I'm guessing that was a typo, but you can't blame people for thinking you were talking about infants.

Would it be possible to try limiting the nanny's hours instead of firing her altogether? Even for a little while, so you could try handling them on your own, see how you do?
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