Need help - what to say to not 'burn any bridges'

amother

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 4:14 pm

Trying to be vague here so I apologize if a/t is unclear.

I need to hire someone for a few months for a long term, non-professional project. I had originally contacted some one who a friend of mine used and recommended and she told me she didn't have the time. Then I was in touch with some one by email that potentially fit the bill and we were going to try it out and I really needed her to start this week but with the bad weather we had to wait until next week.

Then, the original person I contacted called me saying she can help and so she came and started me off today. She was great, not 100% but 99% but I'm comfortable with who she is and that I know her. Now I'm not sure what to do about this person I emailed. On one hand I don't want to tell her 'nevermind' yet b/c what if it doesn't work out with this person I'm using. But, I don't want to string her along (like she'd have to find a babysitter for her baby so I'd feel bad if she wastes her time doing that). Also, it could be the second person would be willing to do more 'hard' work but I'm not sure since we didn't get to that point of the conversation. With the second person we left it as 'we're interested but let's talk next week due to the weather'.

So I'm just not sure what to do. I don't want to cancel cancel on her just yet but I don't want to string her along.

Any thoughts?

penguin

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 4:22 pm

Sounds like this week's shidduch question in Yated. I didn't read the answers yet but basically the boy went out a couple of days, then the girl had to go away for a few weeks & mother wants him to date another girl.

In my opinion she should not have started if she knew about this trip. But sorry, don't mean to hijack your thread.

How about if you tell the second person, I am not sure right now, so let's be in touch, tell me how much notice you need to arrange child care bec. my plans are a little up in the air right now.

Miri7

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 4:27 pm

I would just be honest and explain the situation. Ask if she might still be interested if person #1 doesn't work out. Ask what kind of notice she would need if you end up needing her.

Be apologetic, kind and respectful of her needs. You didn't do anything wrong. People understand that life happens, plans change. She may be disappointed but should appreciate your honesty and transparency.

Barbara

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 4:31 pm

amother wrote:

When you say that you were "going to try it out," it sounds to me like you're saying "I offered her the job." If that's the case, then you shouldn't have taken on another person without giving her a chance.

rednavy

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 4:51 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

Why be dishonest. Tell the person you're hiring someone who appears to be a better fit. Folks get turned down for jobs all the time.

It's a little different to get hired, then to get a call after saying forget it someone's been hired and started working already.

watergirl

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 4:55 pm

Barbara wrote:

Right. THe person you wanted said no, then you told someone else ok. When person 1 came back and said she can do it, you let her start now, even though you told the one you hired that it starts next week? So now you changed the start date, and the one you hired is still under the impression that she has a job with you beginning next week? If I understand this correctly, please, burn the bridge. It sounds like you want to hire someone who will be trustworthy as an employee, but you arent being trustworthy as an employer.

amother

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 5:05 pm

watergirl wrote:

I'm not sure how we left it, it was not you're hired I think it was more the weather is bad so she can't come this week anyway so let's talk specifics next week. I'm not trying to be a bad employer it's just I have medical condition and needed someone to COME asap so when person a told
Me she could come really save me today I was ecstatic. Really I needed some today and person a is local so she was able to come. I'll have to reread some of the responses some of you answered very helpfully

amother

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 5:11 pm

Miri7 wrote:

Op again - I think I'll try to do something of this sort but the truth is I may still want to try her out its just more comfortable with person a bc I know who she is she's not some one random I found which is what person b is but could be id really like person b too! I wish I had a need for both of them. If it wasn't for the bad weather person b would have come this week I hope but we didn't get to finish all the discussing

zaq

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 7:40 pm

I'm sorry, OP, but you done bad. Real bad. You done along the lines of that guy in the Cup of Coffee date thread did, the one who took a girl out who had traveled there from OOT, only to tell her he was getting engaged to someone else. You want to have your cake and eat it, too. You ARE stringing the other woman along; in fact. you are stringing both of them along, in a way. You are committed to neither one--you are trying to keep the second woman on the back burner in case #1 doesn't work out. So you are not really invested in having her work out because you have the other one as your Plan B.

The only halfway decent thing you can say is what all "thanks for interviewing but you didn't get the job" letters say: that you have hired someone else but will keep her in mind should you need someone with her qualifications in the future. And hopefully--for her sake--she will find a better job elsewhere and be able to thumb her nose at you when you come around needing her services. Because harsh as that sounds, you deserve that for doing something so shabby.

imasinger

Thu, Jan 08 2015, 8:37 pm

If I were in your shoes, I would start by making a commitment in my head as to which of the two I wanted. No "well maybes". Pick one and make the commitment inside yourself.

Next, I'd get in touch with that person, and confirm the details of the commitment, making sure they were on board.

Assuming you go with Person A, you solidify the deal, hard work and all.

Then, you contact Person B. You will have the unpleasant task of telling them that you are backing out. Yes, that means something is burning. But that bridge got burned at the point when you said yes to Person A after offering the job to Person B. Water (you should pardon the expression) under the bridge. Life moves on.

Of course, you apologize profusely. If you are able, you can offer them something to compensate the lost time when they could have been looking elsewhere but thought they had a commitment from you. You can ask if they might be available for a few hours of the "hard work" part, but don't be surprised if you get turned down.

Then, you march on the path you have taken, without looking back.

Refuah shleima!

LittleDucky

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 1:40 pm

Dear OP,
I have been your Person B. I had an agreement to meet up with a potential boss. She was excited for me to join the team, just said she was busy now but email her in 2 weeks to set up a meeting. I have a semi-unique service for her company (being quite vague here purposely) and gave her the idea of utilizing this service. She implied heavily it was settled- I had it. 2 weeks later, I emailed no response. A few days later sent an email again inquiring and-boom! They went with another person. Wait, it was MY plan.
I hold a grudge against her. It's a problem that I have but she didn't make it easy. (I'm working on it but still difficult). No explanations, nothing. No, "the head boss overruled me- I was going to go with you."
You burned a bridge here- if the potential boss emails me to ask if I would come on board- no way Jose.
It lost me tons of time, energy, plus $$.
What you did was worse. You had her start and then switched to the other person. That's a huge problem. Make your choice, burn a bridge and don't do it again.

Last edited by LittleDucky on Fri, Jan 09 2015, 4:13 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 2:26 pm

This makes me think of something that just happened here. My husband had an interview. They verbally offered him the job, said he should get back to him when he was back home (different city). He got back to them but they NEVER responded. But we kept thinking they'd respond any day. In the meantime, he told his boss about this seeming job offer and as a result (his boss wanted to help him get a job, and thinking that had happened) he was not sent to a conference that could have helped him make more contacts. In other words they messed up his chances of finding another job, just by raising his hopes and then (slowly, but surely) dashing them.

Recently they contacted him again asking if he's still available. Then when he answered, never wrote back again.

DON"T DO THIS.

We call this company "the Jerks at XXX."

amother

Fri, Jan 09 2015, 2:36 pm

amother wrote:

I was once downsized from a job. A few weeks later, I interviewed with someone who knew my former supervisor quite well. The interviewer called my former supervisor, told him that he had offered me the job, and that I'd be working there. (It was important that my former supervisor knew that, due to potential conflicts and confidential information.) The interviewer also showed me "my office." I was never offered the position. I actually understand why, and don't bear them ill will. But because he thought I had accepted a position, my former supervisor wasn't responding to other reference requests. And I had no idea that he'd been told about the non-job.

amother

Sat, Jan 10 2015, 2:36 pm

Thanks for all the responses showing both sides. I can't really give away any details in case the people are on here but this gave me food for thought in making my decision. As of now no one has been offended so I'm happy to be armed with these different sides to best approach this. Sorry I can't give the follow up of what I've decided I just don't want anyone to be hurt.

Thanks!
-OP

I also wanted to add that I've had the above happen to me as some of you have posted - told I'd be likely offered a job and nothing came of it. I didn't really think much of it b/c I know that happens a lot and I hadn't made any life changes based on it. In this situation it's just a couple hours a week so I don't think anyone was making life changes b/c of it but it is good to be sensitive that some people may not be as understanding that a sort of verbal (email) commitment may = a permanent job on some1s mind so I think I just need to work this all out and clear up everything.