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Forum
-> Household Management
Culturedpearls
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 Sun, Jan 11 2015, 11:48 pm
Mothers of large families, please share what you expect from your kids & at what ages. Boys & Girls.
Cooking, cleaning etc.
Please include adult kids & young marrieds.
I'm not a good delegator & don't come from a large family. Consequently I do the bulk of the work come shabbos & YT.
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Chana Miriam S
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Sun, Jan 11 2015, 11:58 pm
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I have two kids. We each do our own laundry. We sort of share the common stuff. Son who is 19 cooks a lot. They have to clean up after themselves. Daughter good at sweeping and organizing.
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Culturedpearls
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 12:08 am
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Also do you ask for the specific help, demand it, encourage those talented in specific tasks (baking etc)?
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Chana Miriam S
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 12:20 am
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I do ask outright. I forgot that typically they also do garbage removal on garbage day. Neither of them is really a baker but my son regularly cooks dinner for us- the irony of course that I am a caterer....
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Chana Miriam S
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 12:21 am
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My son is also the best laundry doer in the house....
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Miri7
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 2:40 am
My kids are 9, 9 and 6 and infant.
The three bigger kids can do food prep, cook "simple" things like eggs, toast and pasta.
They are responsible for setting and clearing the table, take out garbage, take out and sort recycling and take bins to the street each week. I am trying to get them to tidy their rooms every day but I often end up doing that.
One Shabbat lunch both DH and I became really sick suddenly as soon as we made Kiddish. The kids finished their lunch and cleaned up the whole meal. When I came down hours later, everything was out away and the kitchen was tidy. That's when I realized how much they are capable of.
My DS loves to work in the yard/garden. He will pull weeds all day if you let him! He and I do most of the gardening
The big kids are a huge help with their baby sister. They play with her, feed her, pick her up from naps and take her for walks down the block. Dd who is 9 is especially helpful with the baby.
They also out away their folded laundry.
ETA: they also pack their own lunch boxes.
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Ruchel
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 5:48 am
My home is a weird mix.
I expected my then 2 yr old to help me with my newborn "as need may arise" but don't really consistently enforce cleaning up the room to my 7 yr old. I actually have to sometimes fight the kids to "give me back" MY baby (they say it's theirs!) and to not do things I deem dangerous like too young to carry baby.
I expect that they will clean up WHEN I ask, set table when I ask etc.
I guess I basically expect obedience (yup!) if I ask something, but am quite relaxed with every day rules and chores outside of obvious safety (and halacha, which is spiritual safety  ).
I dream of kids consistently doing chores, with a schedule and all. LOL.
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33055
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 5:57 am
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My kids are teens. I cook for Shabbos and YT. They handle the setting up. I will arrange the flowers unless I am backed up. The kids clear the Shabbos table and set up after the sudars. They put everything away after and clean after. If I don't have a cleaning lady, they will do the dishes. If I need help with the flowers or dishes before Shabbos, I ask.
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Culturedpearls
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 7:00 am
Do you see a difference between your sons & daughters?
If you have mainly girls do your boys pick up the cooking bug?
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Culturedpearls
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 7:05 am
A relative of mine has a bunch of girls with one boy in the middle.
Erev Shabbos all the kids cook including the 15 yo boy. And he bakes too!
Now I mainly have boys whose contribution to cooking is salads , sushi & setting the table.
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Reesa
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 7:22 am
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My Kids are ten and under. I hold them responsible for their bedrooms and playroom. Bedroom includes bringing laundry to correct hampers. Various other jobs are delegated on an as needed basis. Some love to set tables and others like to serve. Etc
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heidi
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 7:29 am
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OP, I was just thinking that something has to change in my house. My two oldest boys are out of the house all week and some shabbatot. So when they come home I ask for help, but it is very minimal like setting and clearing off the table, sometimes putting away their clean laundry. The ones in the house do put away their laundry, help clear off the table after supper, but that's about it. They do help if I ask, but I want to get to the point where they realize on their own that the sink is full of dishes, or the clean hamper full of towels waiting to be folded, it would be really nice of them to take care of it.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 9:16 am
I have a large family ranging from early 20's to preschool.
The preschool child has no delegated job except putting away his toys.
My Beis Medrash son is not home most of the time so he does not have any set jobs.
During the week I have a rotating chore chart which is for evening jobs. Setting table, clearing up supper, sweeping, cleaning counters and the younger kids need to clean the playroom. The day the child gets which chore is based on their school schedule.
They all have to help Shabbos jobs, serving the fish, dips, soup etc and also Erev Shabbas jobs.
No one is required to cook but if they want to eat XYZ and it is to hard for me they can feel free to make it themselves for the family which they do. My girls like to try new and interesting recipes.
Laundry they all help me with, the older kids are responsible for their own linen.
Since we don't have babies anymore they don't have to help with that but I always did that mainly anyway. They do take turns bathing the Preschooler.
The children's school and social events takes precedence over their chores so when there is a conflict they don't do their jobs.
I firmly believe that children have responsibilities to their families and home and parents are not their servants and they should take care of themselves age appropriately.
As my sons got older they have much longer school days so they don't have the time to help out as much at home.
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Ruchel
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 9:18 am
| Culturedpearls wrote: | Do you see a difference between your sons & daughters?
If you have mainly girls do your boys pick up the cooking bug? |
My then 2 yr old son already helped with the dough. I don't make any diff, and daughters will also learn the basics in diy!
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Culturedpearls
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 9:34 am
| amother wrote: | I have a large family ranging from early 20's to preschool.
The preschool child has no delegated job except putting away his toys.
My Beis Medrash son is not home most of the time so he does not have any set jobs.
During the week I have a rotating chore chart which is for evening jobs. Setting table, clearing up supper, sweeping, cleaning counters and the younger kids need to clean the playroom. The day the child gets which chore is based on their school schedule.
They all have to help Shabbos jobs, serving the fish, dips, soup etc and also Erev Shabbas jobs.
No one is required to cook but if they want to eat XYZ and it is to hard for me they can feel free to make it themselves for the family which they do. My girls like to try new and interesting recipes.
Laundry they all help me with, the older kids are responsible for their own linen.
Since we don't have babies anymore they don't have to help with that but I always did that mainly anyway. They do take turns bathing the Preschooler.
The children's school and social events takes precedence over their chores so when there is a conflict they don't do their jobs.
I firmly believe that children have responsibilities to their families and home and parents are not their servants and they should take care of themselves age appropriately.
As my sons got older they have much longer school days so they don't have the time to help out as much at home. |
The problem I have is where to draw the line between regular chores to having the older kids run the house & be parents. Risking burn out.
Hence I rarely ask anything beyond cleaning their rooms & taking out garbage.
Some like to do their own laundry, so I let.
Some like to iron. Some like to prepare salads & simple things.
But the bulk of the work is mine & I'm not sure if that's good for anyone.
Even when we host our married kids I don't ask DIL to do anything & wait for her to offer.
So what's the happy medium between having kids run the house and nagging to have them happily do chores which is good training?
From my friends I see that those who grew up in large families have an easier time with this.
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amother
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 12:09 pm
| Culturedpearls wrote: | The problem I have is where to draw the line between regular chores to having the older kids run the house & be parents. Risking burn out.
Hence I rarely ask anything beyond cleaning their rooms & taking out garbage.
Some like to do their own laundry, so I let.
Some like to iron. Some like to prepare salads & simple things.
But the bulk of the work is mine & I'm not sure if that's good for anyone.
Even when we host our married kids I don't ask DIL to do anything & wait for her to offer.
So what's the happy medium between having kids run the house and nagging to have them happily do chores which is good training?
From my friends I see that those who grew up in large families have an easier time with this. |
I am the amother you quoted
My kids aren't married yet but I would not ask for help unless they move in.
I don't feel my kids are burnt out as they have hours of free time.
I think the bulk of the work is always the parent, the kids are pitching in.
I have a cleaning lady for heavy cleaning
This summer I had surgery and they had to take over as my activities were severely limited. I did schedule my surgery for the summer because I knew it would be much easier for them to help out as they had no school responsibilities. Even my Beis Medrash Bachur who was home during Bein Hazmanim cooked supper.
I feel very strongly when kids are older and capable they have to pitch in, everyone needs to contribute in a family. Even if I had one child I would feel the same. However the bottom line is the parents have the responsibility the buck stops with them.
We live in a community with large families and all the kids help out so my kids just see this as part of life.
My kids do try to get out of chores, sweeping and cleaning the counters they hate, I usually let it go but I am wrong to do that.
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sky
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Mon, Jan 12 2015, 12:14 pm
My kids help between ages 3 and 8 as needed. Its not set things though.
- Make beds in morning
- put clothes in hamper (they are really bad about this even though it is so easy)
- clean up living room from toys
- clean up bedroom
- help empty dishwasher
- strip linen from bed on laundry day (I gauge if they will have time before asking).
Those are more chores. The rest on the list they LOVE to do. And sometimes fight over it.
- help set table on shabbos
- Bake on their own (like rice krispy treats, no oven required)
- Cut up vegetables for a salad (favorite !!)
- peel garlic
- Vacuum run in living room
And others as needed.
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