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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Smaller individual bedrooms or larger shared rooms?



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amother


 

Post Sat, Jan 17 2015, 6:54 pm
Which do you think is better? A friend just build a large addition onto her house and has a ton of bedrooms so all 7 kids can have their own. The only thing is, these bedrooms are tiny. Her feeling is that even if the rooms are just for sleeping, it's better for each child to have their own space. I grew up in a small family where we each had our own room but most of my friends shared. I'm not sure what I think...if you were buildng a house, what would you do?
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ROFL




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 17 2015, 6:59 pm
I gave everyone their own bedrooms. I think everyone will need a place to chill alone.
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amother


 

Post Sat, Jan 17 2015, 6:59 pm
We just built with little space limitations. Our kids bedrooms are just for sleeping. They are individual and a nice size. DH likes the kids around. We have a library for school work and a playroom for playing. They can relax in the sukkoh room also if they want to read quietly. They use their bedrooms for sleeping and dressing.
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amother


 

Post Sat, Jan 17 2015, 7:00 pm
Smaller individual rooms. When I had kids together it was a nightmare to get anyone to sleep. And mornings would also disturb the other kids sleep when whoever awoke first woke the other. I'm all for establishing a close sibling relationship but I do that in other ways -not by sharing a room. However I'm talking young children. Not sure what the story is with older ones.
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agreer




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 17 2015, 7:01 pm
I think it's great for kids to share a room while they're younger. I shared with my sisters and we loved it! We had our "own space" in our backyard, living room, dining room etc. Eventually, kids get married and have to share a room!

However - it's really nice to have a bunch of rooms for when your children marry and come home for yomtov iy'h - so if you make "tiny" rooms, make sure you can get at least two beds in there!
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 18 2015, 4:24 am
For 7 kids I don't think I know anyone with individual rooms, even in a house, that I can remember.

That said I prefer tiny personal to big shared. But they could be asked what they think -- the big ones at least.
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Rubber Ducky




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 18 2015, 5:16 am
Ideally I'd make small individual rooms opening to a large shared area.
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sunnybrook




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 18 2015, 5:22 am
What if a kid wants to bring friends home and doesn't want to share the playroom with siblings and their friends? Maybe making a sliding door betw 2 bedrooms so you can have double area to play?
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 18 2015, 5:24 am
I feel 2 to a room is great, it gives personal space and teaches about sharing space. I'm planning on a boys room and a girls room. If someone eventually needs their own space that child will have the guest room. It doubles as a sewing room so not totally private, but more so.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 18 2015, 5:44 am
Call me mean Euro but with 7 kids there's just no space for individual rooms, playroom, guestroom and all. Some do without a parental room (or a kids rooms and put them in the living room) much before 7.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 18 2015, 2:37 pm
Oy, such a first world problem. In Russia my grand parents home was on the second 'floor'. What would be the downstairs today was a a space for their cows and horses. Everyone slept in that simple great room where all of life was contained, conception, births, deaths, meals and celebrations all took place in that single space. Of course that was then and this is now.
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ChutzPAh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 18 2015, 2:41 pm
MagentaYenta wrote:
Oy, such a first world problem. In Russia my grand parents home was on the second 'floor'. What would be the downstairs today was a a space for their cows and horses. Everyone slept in that simple great room where all of life was contained, conception, births, deaths, meals and celebrations all took place in that single space. Of course that was then and this is now.


That is not at all relevant to what the OP was asking.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 18 2015, 2:43 pm
ChutzPAh wrote:
That is not at all relevant to what the OP was asking.


Merely a contrast on values over generations. Do you think I should soak my hand to ease the pain of your virtual handslap?
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amother


 

Post Sun, Jan 18 2015, 2:49 pm
sunnybrook wrote:
What if a kid wants to bring friends home and doesn't want to share the playroom with siblings and their friends? Maybe making a sliding door betw 2 bedrooms so you can have double area to play?


You can't kick a sibling out of their room for a friend. That is so wrong.
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sunnybrook




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 19 2015, 2:28 am
I didn't say kick anyone out. I meant that a child might not find a doable for hosting if bedrooms are too small. There are nice ways to handle a room shared with a sibling. Instead of hel0ping the children look for diplomatic caring ways to handle this, should we train them to think that every situation that has to be negotiated should to be defined as a fight? So they will find themselves crippled for life in all sorts of situations also outside the home, when they can't discuss their own wants & needs without feeling that means a bitter fight.
Besides, is it better for a teenager not to have place in her own private room to host friends-- and be forced to have toddlers underfoot or snoopy 8yr olds or whatever?
Lymnok's comment about training how to share a room with a spouse is a very good point. Even things like whether to keep a window open at night; or light to read by before you fall asleep. Seems to me that "Sharing and caring" are good for interpersonal relations and good for the soul
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 19 2015, 3:00 am
amother wrote:
You can't kick a sibling out of their room for a friend. That is so wrong.


Why not? For one night? What if there is a tzniyus issue?
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Tablepoetry




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 19 2015, 4:17 am
MagentaYenta wrote:
Merely a contrast on values over generations. Do you think I should soak my hand to ease the pain of your virtual handslap?


Its not a contrast of values. You think they wouldn't have wanted 7 bedrooms back then? You think they wouldnt see the value in it?

It's a contrast of poverty and prosperity, not values.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 19 2015, 4:53 am
I come from a large family and we were not spoiled. Yet, my parents always managed that as teenagers we each had our own room, although we generally shared rooms until we were 10 or so. Sometimes they were tiny rooms - at one point I had a room that had space for a bed and not much else. We had a 5 bedroom house with a basement that at times was used for sleeping.

I would have a couple of big rooms...since often younger kids prefer to share a bedroom, and then have small rooms for older kids. I would try and make them big enough to fit twin beds so they can be used as guest rooms for married couples. Another idea is to make big rooms with a possibility to divide in the future or as needed.

One of my friends lived in a big house with huge bedrooms...once the kids got a bit older the parents divided the rooms so they could each have their own room.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Jan 19 2015, 7:32 pm
OP

It's so interesting to see different perspectives on this. As someone who values personal space and privacy I feel like I'd want to go with 1 kids per bedroom if possible but I see pictures like this and think how cool it would be to have a couple rooms like it!
http://www.houzz.com/photos/20.....metro
http://www.houzz.com/photos/54.....metro

Very good points about starting with larger bedrooms that can be split up and having more available rooms for guests or married children.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 19 2015, 11:03 pm
I had a 'boys room' and a 'girls room'. The kids were in bunk beds and each had their own cupboards for their 'stuff'.

When we moved and had more bedroom options, three of my teens preferred to room with a much younger child/baby rather than another teen. This worked well because the big kids help the little kids. And the teen gets to be in charge of the room.

Also, one messy teen chose to move into the (messy) laundry room so that she can be messy. And another adult son enclosed a room in the basement so that he'd have his own room.
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