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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
Why do we go so crazy with mishloach manot?
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rossnov




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 8:15 am
Hi all. I'm curious for your thoughts on why Jewish women go so crazy with creating elaborate themed mishloach manot for Purim. Why do you think we do that? Is it something about us, and the Jewish superwoman syndrome, something about Purim, etc...
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 8:33 am
Definitely not just a Jewish thing, plenty of non-Jewish women go equally crazy with X-mas packages. And not everyone buys into it either. I've never met anyone who actually thinks less of people for not doing themes, yet everyone who thinks they MUST do it truly believes that people will notice if they don't. The people who do it because they like to really don't care what others do. Don't do it if you don't like it, I promise no one will actually notice or care.
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 8:42 am
I think it's the same as why a lot of us make very elaborate meals for Yom Tov. Most of our families will be just as happy with a good roast and one or two side dishes. For a lot of women this is their only opportunity to do something different. Everyday you get up, wake up the kids, do the whole morning rush to get them out, either go out to work yourself or stay home with your kids or whatever your regular schedule is. Then you have laundry and cleaning and cooking and more cleaning and don't forget the kids' bedtime. So when Yom Tov comes along or Purim comes along, it's finally a chance to break free from the monotony.

Of course there are some people who only go crazy because they want to be like "everybody else", I always feel bad for those women who are driving themselves nuts to do something they really don't enjoy, whether it's the elaborate Mishloach Manot or the elaborate Yom Tov meals.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 8:46 am
rossnov wrote:
Hi all. I'm curious for your thoughts on why Jewish women go so crazy with creating elaborate themed mishloach manot for Purim. Why do you think we do that? Is it something about us, and the Jewish superwoman syndrome, something about Purim, etc...


Something about expressing your personality through this. I am sure that women who are acknowledged at work and have a life don't go crazy over mishloach manot.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 8:54 am
I don't know anyone who goes crazy about this. My mom genuinely enjoys making a fun theme, my friends usually do something simple and cute and we decide what we are doing a few days before. Maybe you are assuming people go crazy about this when they actually don't. On the other hand, almost everyone I know gets super and stressed about yomtov cooking, hosting and cleaning...
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 8:54 am
If you look at Pinterest you will see that there are lots of non- Jewish women going crazy with all manner of things: themed bedroom decor for infants, themed bday parties etc.

We are not alone in this over-the-top insanity!!
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 8:58 am
imaima wrote:
Something about expressing your personality through this. I am sure that women who are acknowledged at work and have a life don't go crazy over mishloach manot.


I think it is more of a conspicuous consumption display. Why do people throw elaborate over the top simchas? Why do people live in houses that are way too big for them? Why do people have 2 and 3 cars for every driver?

I am anonymous because it is my policy that I don't brag on the internet, but I will state that I love elaborate MM and I feel second to very few career wise and certainly I have a fulfilling family and community life.
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tigerwife




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 9:00 am
glutenless wrote:
I think it's the same as why a lot of us make very elaborate meals for Yom Tov. Most of our families will be just as happy with a good roast and one or two side dishes. For a lot of women this is their only opportunity to do something different. Everyday you get up, wake up the kids, do the whole morning rush to get them out, either go out to work yourself or stay home with your kids or whatever your regular schedule is. Then you have laundry and cleaning and cooking and more cleaning and don't forget the kids' bedtime. So when Yom Tov comes along or Purim comes along, it's finally a chance to break free from the monotony.

Of course there are some people who only go crazy because they want to be like "everybody else", I always feel bad for those women who are driving themselves nuts to do something they really don't enjoy, whether it's the elaborate Mishloach Manot or the elaborate Yom Tov meals.


Exactly. Some people actually love creating. They ENJOY elaborate themes and cool foods and awesome packaging. What's wrong with using MM as an outlet?

OTOH, if it stresses you out, please keep it simple! Your family won't appreciate your keeping up with the Jones's, and no one will appreciate that you put everyone through heck making each MM when they give it away or throw it out...
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chatouli




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 9:11 am
imaima wrote:
Something about expressing your personality through this. I am sure that women who are acknowledged at work and have a life don't go crazy over mishloach manot.


Not true in my case. The year I was working and had a new baby, I went the most nuts over my theme and mishloach manot. I think it was the superwoman syndrome mentioned above, like "See, I'm a career woman, mother and balabuste! I really can do it all!" I think I wanted to prove it to myself more than anything.

Luckily I've gotten over it Wink I can't do it all successfully and healthily. And that's ok!
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 9:13 am
The MM frenzy isn't all about conspicuous consumption. It's also about the need to have a theme, matching costumes, poems, etc.
It didn't evolve in a vacuum...
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 9:41 am
rossnov wrote:
Hi all. I'm curious for your thoughts on why Jewish women go so crazy with creating elaborate themed mishloach manot for Purim. Why do you think we do that? Is it something about us, and the Jewish superwoman syndrome, something about Purim, etc...
I have not read any responses yet, but not ALL women/families go crzy with making elaborate mishoach manot. Not at all. Its a certain type of person who thrives on it.
Personally I never go crazy with this at all. 2 brachot, in a nice container or bought container or bag (one year we made something cute, but it was not at all elaborate, probably cost less than 10 shekels each) and thats it.I dont understand the craze or the money spent on the craze!
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 9:51 am
PinkFridge wrote:
The MM frenzy isn't all about conspicuous consumption. It's also about the need to have a theme, matching costumes, poems, etc.
It didn't evolve in a vacuum...


It is part of the over the top simchas syndrome and why every kallah needs a diamond bracelet, a gold watch, diamond earrings, diamond pin, pearls and a diamond ring.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 9:55 am
Very sad. So much money throw away on stuff they may not even want/use.

(funny how a pin by me? you gotta be older than 50, and pearls also are very classic, late 30s lady in suit type)
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spikta




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 10:04 am
MM gives me a chance to make all the yummy milchik things I never get a chance to make. I'm not going to randomly make a decadent dessert in the middle of the week, since I'm just going to eat it all myself, and on shabat we're always fleishik.
Also, when I do bake, I'm usually pressed for time and make fast and practical desserts. No adorable individual portions, no pachkereis. I used to love doing that when I was younger but nowadays I just don't have time.

When I make MM I can finally go over all those crazy recipes I saved and take a few hours to make cute and delicious things. Piping! Latice crusts! Recipes that dirty all the dishes in your kitchen! And when I'm done, I give it out and let others enjoy, so I don't end up eating it all by myself.

I love seeing what other people come up with, and most of what people give around here is homemade. That works well for me because I love trying out other people's cooking and baking. We've gotten rolls, salad, kugels, dips and spreads... it's just really fun to give of yourself and to have others give to you.

I get that for some people there's a keeping up with the Jonses aspect, but in our circles it's really just a chance to have some fun in the kitchen and let others partake in the yumminess.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 10:06 am
I live in the midwest and 90% of all MMs are normal/basic and at least half are not themed, perhaps more. $5 or less per piece. Fancier ones maybe to special people.
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luppamom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 10:08 am
I don't understand it, but I definitely enjoy getting it! I love creativity and yummy treats I don't buy or don't know how to make myself.

My DH wants me to make s/t that people could use for their seudah. I came up w/ a cool idea last yr. and made a lot in advance, but didn't finish (couldn't be made so in advance, was perishable). I spent a nice part of Purim day making MM. Some ppl didn't get b/c I didn't finish in time. Never again b"n.

This yr., I am thinking of buying a small container of a dip and giving that w/ a roll. People can really use it and it's not stressful. I don't have to give so many people so this really shouldn't be costly.

I just have to think how to wrap it... that's my worst part.

As a side note (here's a theme idea for anyone who wants one!!), if I lived in a community that made fancy MM, this is what I would do: I would take a humantashen (preferably homemade) and an apple and wrap it up w/ syran wrap on a paper plate and would write בימים ההם בזמן הזה! and give the rest of the money I would've spent to matanos lievyonim.
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imorethanamother




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 10:09 am
imaima wrote:
Something about expressing your personality through this. I am sure that women who are acknowledged at work and have a life don't go crazy over mishloach manot.


This is genius. So true. I think most of us who work full time don't have the time or energy to do elaborate themes. And we don't need to.

There are some who still do it in addition to working, but I think it's because of peer pressure.
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Sanguine




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 10:22 am
We don't go crazy at all. No one here does. Sometimes someone does something cute but overall people don't. The concept doesn't exist. Certainly no theme with costumes for the family. (Just wild silliness all over Silly ).

A lot of people give through the shul. A tremendous fund raiser for the shul (personally I'm not wild about that idea but it's very popular in a lot of neighborhoods including mine). The Mitzva is to give 2 things to one person so even people who give through the shul make sure to give a MM to a neighbor.

The kids give lots to their friends. So there's lots of junk flying all day but us mothers aren't stressed out with a fancy theme MM.
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bookworm10




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 10:29 am
I work full time and love being creative, sorry. I enjoy decorating my house for Yom tov and a pretty table too. It doesn't stress me out in the slightest. In fact, quite the opposite. I enjoy it!
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 20 2015, 10:36 am
I work in a mathematics-related field. I love my job, but it does not give me an outlet for creative expression. I love Purim! I pick an educational theme and we spend months reading and learning about our topic. For example, this year we are doing space exploration. I bought a ton of books for my kids and we took a trip to the local space museum. We did space-related crafts on Sundays and bought authentic NASA astronaut costumes..... My kids are super excited!
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