Why do we go so crazy with mishloach manot?

sourstix

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 2:03 pm

when I got married. I knew I needed to make something special for parents and grandparents. it just made sense to me. I was super excited to do it. at a certain point when things got complicated I was regretting it. then everyy year afterwards I wanted to impress my family and I actually got nervous thinking about it. I felt nebby compared to what my siblings made my parents. but dh was adamant I dont spend time and effort on something that will go to the garbage not to mention the money. so I went along. I wasnt happy. I started cutting expenses and time involved immensly and came out very cheap sometimes and I just learned to be happy that I didnt try to impress others. dh was not doing well in business those years. I just didnt have a choice. as the years went by I got to know what was nice and inexpensive and these days I sometimes just buy ready made. or I just bake a nice cake that parents and grandparents can use to serve. and a bottle of wine. you cant go wrong. I definitely struggle with the competition. but it really isnt. everyone does what works for them. its the mitzva that counts. hashem knows whats in your heart. and thats what counts. trying to outdo others is expensive and you never really win. thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 2:10 pm

definitely its a competition. I see my siblings. they try to outdo each other. its sometimes so comical as grownups we dont just make what works for us and not think about style or what someone else thinks. its a problem. I dont know what the solution is. but there are always those that are rich can afford more so they make fancy simchos, and everything in their life is just more. and then there are the average and then the poor. it would be great if I and I am speaking about myself can be honest and say to myself I need to do what works for me regardless of what others are doing. I wish I had the self esteem. I actually cant afford anything ostentatious so I stick to very simple-a bag with some stuff inside. I would love to do more. I just would love to feel comfortable with what I make. I guess its my problem.

sourstix

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 2:20 pm

I find it so overwhelming, I worry if what I give is cheap looking or silly looking. I loose my confidence when it comes to mm. I hate it to the core. I am sorry that I have this attitude. maybe I need to rethink it. but wish I was the kind of person that didnt care what others think. not only that at a certain point dh wasnt really doing well in business so I was very tight. I really thought hard and long before I bought each item, it was humiliating. I wish it when pp make all these elaborate stuff would think of those that cant and would at least cut the cost and donate some of the money to tzedaka. cause so much of the stuff goes to the garbage anyway.

iluvy

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 3:59 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

This is genius. So true. I think most of us who work full time don't have the time or energy to do elaborate themes. And we don't need to.

There are some who still do it in addition to working, but I think it's because of peer pressure.

Why not just stick to your own feelings and motivations without telling everyone else why they do what they do? Count me among all the people who have great careers and full lives and do themed m"m because we like it.

Raisin

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 4:13 pm

I live oot and many people give really simple MM. Like boxes of raisins and oranges and some hamantashen on a paper plate. Its nice not to have the pressure but I don't like giving out food that will go to waste, so I try and make sure to give good food that people actually want, and wrap it nicely. I don't generally have a theme. Except one year when purim was friday and everyone got grape juice and challa. I wrap it the same way every year, cellophane and curled ribbon.

I do enjoy getting beautifully made MM but it is pretty rare.

PinkFridge

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 4:39 pm

amother wrote:

It is part of the over the top simchas syndrome and why every kallah needs a diamond bracelet, a gold watch, diamond earrings, diamond pin, pearls and a diamond ring.

If people enjoy doing the mm thing, kol hakavod. There are many gifted bakers/cooks/seamstresses/etc. out there. Back in the day, we all used to be able to do our own things and just enjoy the fun stuff other people did without feeling pressured.
It's not about the $$. Many people I know doing themes davka keep them cheap and tell me they actually save that way. There's just pressure in some circles to do the theme, show some creativity, etc. or the MM isn't acceptable.
Now as far as what you say the kallahs need or get, my poor ddil. We owe her big time Very Happy

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 9:50 pm

It's all part and parcel of the ever-increasing competition, one-upmanship and conspicuous display that has been plaguing the Jewish community in recent decades. Today's vort looks like yesterday's wedding and today's wedding rivals that of the royal family. YT meals are nothing without three kugels, three main dishes and three desserts.

Most of my Purim money goes to matanot leevyonim. MM packaging is salvaged from stuff we received in previous years, or collected over time. For example, the clear cake domes that Schick's , Beigels and other brands of baked goods come in make excellent MM packaging if you can remove the old stickers. (Warning: don't put food directly touching the plastic.) If you can't remove the stickers, hide them by putting new stickers or labels over them. I start collecting months in advance. No multiple identical MM packages--they're nearly all one of a kind, depending on the packaging I manage to scrape together. This is a great way to give new life to cute tins and other packaging that I save because it's a shame to throw away but have no use for myself. My costumes are also made from stuff I have around, have collected for years or bought at a thrift shop, and get used over and over and over. An old curtain becomes a bridal veil, ballet skirt, lacy shawl or Indian sari. A folding fan works as well for a geisha, China doll, Southern belle or Victorian lady. Minimal outlay, maximal creativity. In my family, it's all about being inventive, and buying a costume in its entirety is cheating. Buying a prop, like a fencing sword if you're going as a swashbuckler, is OK, but you get extra points if you make your own from an old curtain rod.

Notsobusy

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 10:04 pm

amother wrote:

I really, really admire you! Very Happy

Quote:

It's not about the $$. Many people I know doing themes davka keep them cheap and tell me they actually save that way. There's just pressure in some circles to do the theme, show some creativity, etc. or the MM isn't acceptable.

I agree. I don't make myself crazy with Mishloach Manos, but I do find it easier and cheaper to do an easy and cheap theme. There was one year that my kids tied their costumes into the theme, it was their idea not mine, and it ended up being adorable and we also used stuff from around the house for their costumes, so it was not more expensive.[quote]