how do so many frum people have so much money?

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 10:38 am

I know many families where I live where the husbands are learning and the wife has a good job and they seem to have tons of money.How does everyone manage to have rich parents who can support them? My parents are poor and can't give us any money. Both me and dh work and we are still poor and can barely pay our bills. so many ppl whose husbands don't work are always buying new clothes, shoes, toys, eating in restaurants, they all have cleaning help.
how does everyone have rich parents? why is the majority able to do this? I am the only one I know who has no cleaning help, only buys used clothes, never, ever goes to restaurants, never bought an extra pair of shoes, etc.

please share the secret to the mysterious wealth of frum parents supporting their kids

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 10:44 am

No answers, just that I'm in the same boat as you! Except my parents DO have money but are not frum and would never support us, especially in EY Smile

No cleaning help or even a babysitter, no eating out, watching every shekel. But BH it's fulfilling (for the most part, haha)!

My husband did recently start working more, we had no choice. As much as we would have loved that he continue learning full-time, we have kids and can't afford much without a second income.

Hugs. Not easy. and as much as I'd love to be given financial support (and would love to do the same for my own kids one day, if we could), it is special that we are managing on our own. I think we definitely take pride in that. My grandparents are even commenting on how much I do, whenever we skype and they see me running from the pot to the kid to the laundry.. Smile

LittleDucky

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 11:20 am

Not everyone makes financially sound decisions. Some have huge credit card debt. Some owe gemachim. Some have zero in savings.
And some scrimp, pinch pennies, coupon like crazy, and make due without.
Some choose to spend any extra $$ they have on clothes. Some on cleaning help. Some on meat. Or coffee/dinner out.
Yes, some have help but not all do.
You just need to make the right decisions for you. Everyone needs to make a reckoning of their financials - basically Look at your soup pot and not your neighbors'.

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 11:28 am

well, one woman I know has just redone some rooms in her house, goes to hotels for pesach, and dresses beautifully. She is also a shaitel macher with a cash business and on government aid programs. Its kind of easy to have $$ for extras if your basics are being, if not completely at least partially, paid for by uncle sam and all of his nieces and nephews Exploding anger

sourstix

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 11:29 am

some pp afford it. they could have stocks, or whatever, maybe a grandparent. dont be jealous everyone gets what is coming to them. some of those pp wish they wouldnt have all that and not have the health issues that come along. if your healthy and your hubby is and children are. thats mostly what counts. I know pp that are filthy rich and their lives are a mess. look at what you have and as they say look ate the more unfortunate ones you'll be happier. look at the half full cup. maybe sometime in your life hashem will give you a break . hagalgal chozer. I am giving you a brocha that hashem should give you whatevver you wish for and more.

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 12:15 pm

sourstix wrote:

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 12:31 pm

It's because Hashem was generous to many of the survivors of the Holocaust, and many made a very decent living. Also, standards were much lower then, and many lived in multi-family homes, or their homes were much smaller. That's how they were able to save their money and invest and reap today's rewards. Remember: Home prices shot up exponentially, as did food and the costs of heat and gas and electricity, and our wages are the same since the 70s. And our standard of living is much higher than a generation or two ago, which isn't sustainable.

I worry about future generations and what we have in store, because living off our parents can't last forever. (Not that I live off my parents - my parents always said that they can't support us, though they give us some gifts here and there)

I think Hashem will always give some Jews an absurd amount of parnassah that doesn't reflect their education. It's just mazal. And I find that often it's the very Jews that do the right thing with their money that get it. I think that if I were making millions each year, I'd probably do more materialistic things than give it all up and live at my current standard.

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 1:22 pm

Maya wrote:

Why do people keep on asking this question? I don't understand why you think frum people can't have good jobs or lucrative businesses just like anybody else in this world.

It isn't that "frum people can't have good jobs..." It's how do such a high, high percentage of frum people have so much money? It amazes me...

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 1:28 pm

I hope I don't open up a can of worms with this response, but....
I just purchased a weekly Jewish magazine, which I bought myself as a treat, because I can't afford to buy magazines very often. And I was shocked to see the theme of the issue was about extending kitchens and redecorating. It shows before and after pics, and believe me when I say I would take the "before" kitchen anytime! It is so nicer than my small run down kitchen with a leaky faucet I cannot afford to fix. I also wonder where people get that kind of money. The average renovation was in the 10,000 dollar range. So I wonder, OP, the same as you do, where do these people get that kind of money?

pelle

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 1:50 pm

What stood out for me in your post was that you are the only one without. If you are raising children in such an environment, I would suggest rethinking where you live. If you feel this way, your children might too. Maybe a less materialistic neighborhood is a better choice?

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 1:52 pm

I can definitely understand op's question. We're living in a generation of "must haves". This conversation always comes up bet dh and I.
I grew up very poorly. My parents spent money on necessities only. Minimum food. Minimum clothing etc. And we were happy with whatever we had. We were a happy family. Unfortunately, today things are different. Kids are unhappy that way and it grows along with them until they reach adulthood. Where theyre married and they must have certain things- the bugaboo stroller is a good example. It costs $800. For heavens sake- where does a newlywed couple who just had their first baby, have $800 to spend. Why not buy a $200 stroller. And this is just an example. There are hundreds like that. It starts off with the bugaboo and goes on with redoing a kitchen, taking the most expensive vacations, eating out once a week etc etc. The list goes on.

zigi

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 1:54 pm

people have money to redo their kitchens, I don't have it. so what? I like reading better homes and gardens. this is the same thing. living vicariously through pictures. they could have taken out a home equity line of credit to redo the kitchen, one of the best ways to invest in your house is to redo the kitchen or bathroom

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 4:49 pm

1. Hashem runs the universe. Parnossa is decided on Rosh Hashanah.

2. Historically, Jews have valued higher education, degrees, investment, and savings much more than the general public.

3. Historically, Jews were not allowed to own land or work in certain trades, so they were restricted to jobs like banking and the jewelry trade, skills that don't degrade over time and can be passed on to future generations.

4. Who is rich? The one who is satisfied with what he has. ~ Pirkei Avot.

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 5:07 pm

Grew up poor, DH grew up poor,
We are not managing now either, despite the fact that we work hard.
I think what you see as wealth comes from a variety of places, could be parents, grandparents, cash businesses and being on government programs etc.
Soe people win lawsuits that they keep quiet or some investment. It all comes from above and can change at any time for better or worse.
When I had my first, forget about thinking about a Bugaboo, we couldn't think of a graco either. Between diapers, wipes, basic undershirts and stretches (carters), we had nothing left.
Somehow, almost no gifts at all, I do notice at fancy affairs people bring many gifts and fancy ones, gets me wondering who is in need of baby gifts more?!? kind of ironic when I think about it...
We managed to borrow a car seat and a cradle.
We had a boy, and BH someone approached us and said they'll pay for the bris if he'll be sandik.
We get zero help from anyone.
We don't buy a single item extra.

I have relatives that buy so much, my family can live off their extras way nicer than we live now, they don't see how we struggle daily.
I know many people in similar situations as myself and I know quite a few people who everything they touch turns to gold and others who play the system, world is full of every type.....
The way I survive is constantly remind myself that only Hashem makes it work and he knows where to find me....

amother

Tue, Jan 20 2015, 5:15 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

4. Who is rich? The one who is satisfied with what he has. ~ Pirkei Avot.

I agree wholeheartedly, but doesn't help me when it'd Friday and I can't buy food for shabbos, my kids shoe tore, can't replace. clothes too small, can't buy any. Shaitel looks like a rag, can't get a new one. Pesach time, usually we get some help with food packages and clothes, after we buy matza and wine, there is no money for any cleaning help and I work full time.
As much as I believe in Who is rich? when we're starving, it's hard to be happy with our lot.