Woman in America, Not allowed to drive.

Fox

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 11:31 am

I'm not Chassidish, but I think there is an underlying problem that extends to those of us in the Yeshivish/Litvish world and probably even the MO world:

The power of schools.

I completely hear the arguments of those who feel women shouldn't drive (back in the day, a *lot* of women didn't drive or only drove locally -- including non-Jewish women). I also hear the arguments of those who find this outdated and an unfair burden in the US, where daily life requires it in many cases.

It seems from my observations that the majority of kehillas don't go around inspecting wallets for illicit drivers' licenses. With a few notable exceptions, women who drive are quietly overlooked by the non-driver advocates, and I have two acquaintances who were given heters -- actually, orders -- by their respective Rebbes to learn to drive, despite the general policy against it.

But when the schools get involved and begin accepting/rejecting/harassing people -- that's when it seems to get ugly.

I understand that all of us want our kids to more-or-less be educated around like-minded people who support our values. Letting the schools nitpick our lives, though, ultimately undermines the goal. When you keep extending rules to the point that virtually nobody can meet the standards, you end up driving people from the community *or* encouraging them to live double-lives.

amother

Wed, Jan 28 2015, 11:40 pm

Fox wrote:

So is there anything to be done about this?

amother

Thu, Jan 29 2015, 12:30 am

I didn't have a car when we lived in Israel. I felt powerless. If one of my kids takes the car now, it bothers me. My car gives me enormous freedom. No taxi, no waiting for a bus, begging others. I will never again give up that privilege.

If you grow up without, that's different. You never really know how liberating it is. I am hashkafically black hat, but I just can't help thinking it's one of the ways women are relegated to being second class citizens. I can't shake that thought.

amother

Thu, Jan 29 2015, 1:00 am

Fox wrote:

But when the schools get involved and begin accepting/rejecting/harassing people -- that's when it seems to get ugly.

I understand that all of us want our kids to more-or-less be educated around like-minded people who support our values. Letting the schools nitpick our lives, though, ultimately undermines the goal. When you keep extending rules to the point that virtually nobody can meet the standards, you end up driving people from the community *or* encouraging them to live double-lives.

Thank you. I am the amother that feels choked. No, homeschooling is not an option. And I did not want to go to a different community just because I want to drive. I want ALL women to have a choice to drive. If its their frumkeit level, fine whatever. But, to not accept kids in school? My kids will have bad influences on yours? Since when should that be a factor in acceptance? Generally, I believe that children must be given a chance. You can never know what they will grow up to be. The kid from the most frum house can have a bad influence too.

Yes, I feel driven out of my community.

monseychick

Thu, Jan 29 2015, 9:55 am

sequoia wrote:

Why on earth did she do that?

Why did very wealthy doctors, lawyers, and business people join cults, and gave away all their money so the cult leader can live in extravagant opulence, while they sleep on the floor and eat rice.

happybeingamom

Thu, Jan 29 2015, 11:50 am

amother wrote:

I don't understand the premise of the title. Who is not allowing? A woman who drives does not fit in to certain communities. She can choose to do so and live with the social consequences, or she can find an alternative arrangement for herself in a different community.

It's not like anyone is being arrested or evicted or any other serious repercussions like that. Being kicked out of school or not accepted there in the first place is a simple observation of the fact that if you don't believe this way of life suits you then your children shouldn't be subjected to this upbringing.

If you love the lifestyle and shittah etc but find this to be the only issue with your community, then your only other option is to organize a mass revolt with likeminded women.

If this is not the only problem you face in the community, and find yourself irked or outraged by numerous issues or a broader attitude/worldview that you can't live with, then leave. You're not doing anyone any favors by sticking around, seething with resentment and trapping your children in the same rut.

I am not chasidish but I will explain why I disagree.

Jews have to keep halacha but people are being punished for not following man made rules. Why are we adding rules that are based on feelings but not on halacha.

Torah and halacha should be the standard not is passt nisht.

The more we splinter our community the weaker we become.