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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Israel related Inquiries & Aliyah Questions
Yearning to make aliyah but not practical
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amother


 

Post Mon, Jan 26 2015, 4:44 am
So since last summer and the whole story with the 3 boys and then the war it has given me a deep strong yearning to be there. I feel that is the place I want my kids growing up.

Now here are the issues:

-We both have parental responsibility. One set are old and we are the only ones nearby and the other set have health issues and also rely on us and we would feel very guilty to leave them.

-We would not do well financially there at all. The type of jobs my husband and I do wont work there.

-We are both unfamiliar with the language.

-We are not pushy or thick skinned people and I don't feel us or our kids can handle the Sabra like mentality.

-My husband doesn't feel as strongly as I do about this and we are also trying to build in our current careers here.

Now even if all those points above were not an issue, we don't think we would fit there Hashkafahwise.

We are officially Lubavitch Charedi. Dh wears black hat and jacket. He does wear coloured shirt but thats about it. We want a good Secular education for our children and don't follow the filtered internet way of life an din general are more open minded.

I know in Israel everything is very boxed and the fact that Dh wears black hat will automatically put him in that box. I feel we will fit well with Dati Laumi and now that leads me to the fear of having to send my sons the army. I know it's the right thing but as a protective mother I can't possibly see how I can openly put them through this. I am not strongly Zionist if anything I grew up being more anti but I do feel myself and my dh getting more open to that ideology. Yet there is no way we will suddenly give up the Levush. I don't see why clothing has to be a make it or break it but it seems like In Israel it does. We are OK living that lifestyle.

So on paper it looks like no way it is for us, yet I have this deep calling inside of me telling me thats where we belong and thats where our kids should be growing up. We live in Europe not in an especially anti-israel country but you never know.

Does everyone have this feeling? Should we be taking it seriously? And what type of community will we fit in?? We are looking for a simple cheaper style of living so not necessarily anglo but we will need to learn the language better.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Jan 26 2015, 10:24 am
bump
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 1:30 am
new amother. how old are your kids? will you be open to a non anglo area? Can your parents make Aliyah?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 1:54 am
amother wrote:
new amother. how old are your kids? will you be open to a non anglo area? Can your parents make Aliyah?


OP we are open to a non anglo area we just hope that we learn the language well enough. In fact we would rather non-anglo as I heard the transition ends up being easier on kids and also we want a cheap area. parents and in-laws coming with isn't an option Sad .
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sped




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 1:58 am
IMHO, it sounds like you have a lot of reasons not to come. Did you consider discussing this with a rav/mentor? It seems to me that your tafkid now may be to stay where you are now, for all the reasons you mentioned.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 2:03 am
sped wrote:
IMHO, it sounds like you have a lot of reasons not to come. Did you consider discussing this with a rav/mentor? It seems to me that your tafkid now may be to stay where you are now, for all the reasons you mentioned.


Right I know that logically and rationally it doesn't make any sense! It's just there is this deep yearning inside of me. We are not planning this seriously at all. This is only me not dh who feels this. I just wanted to share if this even makes sense and should I take this feeling serious or not. I feel like a caged animal as if I belong in Israel and thats where my kids should be growing up in. I don't see what a Rav could help with this.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:04 am
It's better to live in chutz l'aretz yearning to be in Eretz Yisroel than live in Eretz Yisroel yearning to be in chutz l'aretz.
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hila




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:12 am
Iymnok wrote:
It's better to live in chutz l'aretz yearning to be in Eretz Yisroel than live in Eretz Yisroel yearning to be in chutz l'aretz.


I do not agree.

EY is our home.

We SHOULD be yearning to live there. We daven 3 times a day about that.

Where did you get that quote ?

And OP - it really is important to be on the same page as your dh. And start preparing the kids. Talk about EY, explain the differences in lifestyle. Start saving for a pilot trip / or tryout here. I have found that renting a vacation apartment is a good start.

And I think that there are plenty of DL areas where black hats are accepted. (but not so many the other way round)

Hatslacha. Dont rush, but come home soon.
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Sanguine




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:15 am
I always say "Come, Come!" but all us Imamothers in Israel agree that the main thing you need to make successful aliya is you have to really want to be here. And that means your husband too.

BTW, most people and their kids do better making aliya to anglo communities. Life is so different that you need some people with similar mentalities to yours.

Do you know any people like you who have made aliya? Look into communities with Lubavitch people (I don't know of them but someone will. ). Can you come for a visit this summer? That will give you more of an idea.

You're right. There's nothing like raising children in Israel. (Don't worry about your sons in the army - They'll be army Rabbis and stay on a base Kashering the kitchen and putting tfillon on Chiloni boys who suddenly find G-d before going to war LOL ) - (That was just joking - I'm not making fun of the importance of the Rabbis in the army nor of the Chiloni chayalim. Just pointing out that everyone has their place here).

I guess you should contact Chabad in Israel to find out more about a community for you

Quote:
Does everyone have this feeling? Should we be taking it seriously?


For 2,000 years all Jews have had this feeling and now we can take it seriously.
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Sanguine




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:18 am
Iymnok wrote:
It's better to live in chutz l'aretz yearning to be in Eretz Yisroel than live in Eretz Yisroel yearning to be in chutz l'aretz.
Where is this quote from? The NK handbook?
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:27 am
Sanguine wrote:
Where is this quote from? The NK handbook?

No, I don't remember. I'll ask.
I wrote it as a comfort since she can't see them coming so soon.
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Sanguine




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:31 am
Iymnok wrote:
I wrote it as a comfort since she can't see them coming so soon.

Nice of you, but I don't think it's a quote from anywhere.
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Health is a Virture




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:34 am
definitely you should move to an anglo community. I don't know who told you that it is better adjustment moving to a non-anglo community. I live in RBS and many, many people make the mistake of moving first to a non-anglo community, kids have a horrible time adjusting (as well as parents), and then move here. from my opinion it seems to be those that start here do much better at acclimating.

would you send your kids to a chabad school? chabad is very diverse and definitely will have people wearing black hats, but also maybe in the future doing army. but, I would also recommend you choose a community that is anglo.
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Health is a Virture




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:36 am
but, if your kids are already older and there are so many reasons that you dont want to move, you have to look long and hard if moving now is the right decision.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:44 am
OP here. Thanks everyone for your replies. So there is no way we will will be making a pilot trip soon for mainly the reasons above. Right now financial reasons we cannot afford such a thing and we are trying to get our careers and a new business off the ground.

We also would feel very guilty about our parents as I wrote above, they depend heavily on us.

About why we would want non-anglo is because I understand anglo communities are more expensive and I don't want to move to a watered down version. There is a reason why we like that life. We are not interested in an American high standard life where everyone is talking about good ol America ll day. we are simple and yearn the simple life these places offer.

Re Hashkafah. We are an enigma. We grew up Lubavitch yet we are not strong we are open to other schools. Yet Dh wont suddenly start wearing a Kippah Srugah or any of that stuff. He is just very conservative and not one to start hanging his Levush. Ideaoligywise we are closer to a more Dati Leumi type. I am open to the dress code as are my kids just Dh may not wear a black hat in the week but will wear a black Kippah and black pants.

Re the army. We are not leeches and we believe if we live there we need to be part of it like everyone. Hashkafahwise we are OK but the motherly lion in me is scared.

I just want my kids to grow up in a real world where they feel they belong and not in a meanlingless life. Just writing this thread makes my heart thump as it makes it real. I don't think I will ever be brave for the move and Dh isn't as into it as me.

My kids are young oldest is 5.
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Sanguine




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:52 am
amother wrote:
Re the army. We are not leeches and we believe if we live there we need to be part of it like everyone. Hashkafahwise we are OK but the motherly lion in me is scared.

My kids are young oldest is 5.
You're not very Lubavitch... By the time your kids are army age Moshiach will be here and there will be peace
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:59 am
Sanguine wrote:
You're not very Lubavitch... By the time your kids are army age Moshiach will be here and there will be peace


Lol but I'm also talking about my dh. Won't he have to do training and be a reserve?
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Sanguine




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 4:02 am
amother wrote:
Lol but I'm also talking about my dh. Won't he have to do training and be a reserve?
I'm almost 100% sure that the answer is NO. They don't want "old men". And certainly not ones with kids.
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water_bear88




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 4:30 am
Sanguine wrote:
I'm almost 100% sure that the answer is NO. They don't want "old men". And certainly not ones with kids.

Here's the NBN table:
http://www.nbn.org.il/aliyahpe.....-men/
(it's a little ways down the page)
Regardless of age, men who come with kids are exempt from service. There may be an exception for doctors/dentists, but that probably wouldn't be combat service anyway.
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mummy-bh




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 12:24 pm
Hi Op.
We are Lubavitch, made aliya from England a few years ago.
I'd be happy for you to PM me if you have any questions I would try to help.
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