Inviting non-jewish co-workers to shabbos meal

Catcher

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 5:43 am

Some non-jewish co-workers have expressed interest in coming to a Friday night or shabbos lunch at my house. They seem to think it would be an interesting cultural experience. I have guests almost every week so I have no problem hosting them. And I would love them to see the beauty of shabbos and my amazing family.

I would like to find out if anyone has done this before and how it turned out? I mostly have a cordial, polite relationship with these people, but we are not friends

ETA: They want to bring their husbands/partners along too.

Catcher

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 7:40 am

Bump

OOTforlife

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 7:56 am

I haven't with coworkers but we have had non-Jewish people at Shabbos dinner. If your coworkers are specifically curious about it and interested in the finer points, you might do it almost like a seder (though much shorter) and explain everything as you're doing it. I haven't had that kind of group before, so I've never done that myself.

Mrs Bissli

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 8:12 am

Hi, I've done that several times. For most part, my non-Jewish colleagues/friends
consider it as an extension of dinner party. (We prefer Fri night simply because
foods are fresher, and you have less hours where you are "incommunicado").
It's not much different from inviting non-/not-yet-shomer Shabbat Jews.

IMHO it is very important to set the right tone and gave as much advance information as possible.
Would it be just your colleagues and your family? Have your family/DH met them before?
If you have children, do they have non-Jewish friends or do they have secluded life?

On practical side, let the guests know a couple of things to avoid mutual embarrassment.
1. Let them know you won't be answering phones or emails after candlelighting.
Also ask them to refrain from taking photos and/or turn the phones on silent mode
if you feel uncomfortable.

2. Explain you refrain from using electric items, including turning on/off switches.
We usually tape light switches (rooms, bathrooms) to avoid accidental blackouts.

3. Ask the guests NOT to bring gifts--thoughts are appreciated but
I really don't like when guests bring non-kosher wine, milky sweets to meaty meals,
and flowers you can't touch till after Shabbat...

As for the rest of "procedures", you or your DH has to explain as you go along.
Just basics, like you make blessings over wine, then wash hands (and remain silent!)
then 'break the bread' before meals. (And let them know there'll be loads of foods...)
Also explain that you'll be doing birchat hamazon in Hebrew (I won't go through the
entire meaning/translation, but make sure birchonim have English).

Think about 'parve' topics you can discuss at the table, and you/your DH may have to
figure out how to get the conversation on-track if it goes to uncomfortable territories.

Iymnok

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 8:20 am

Make it very clear there will be more food. I've had a guest make a sandwich with challah and chummus. He was stuffed by the time the main course came out.
Another time they told me they were vegetarian when they only don't eat red meat that I couldn't afford anyways.

mille

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 9:25 am

Make sure the wine is mevushal.

I've hosted coworkers and non Jewish friends for Shabbos plenty of times. Most people are very respectful. I would tape the light switch in the bathroom, because it's such an automatic thing to turn it off even if you're asked not to. I also tell them that they are not required to partake in any of the 'ritual' things we do, but if they'd like, they are more than welcome. Washing your hands with a cup before eating bread is kinda weird if it's totally foreign, but some people are really into participating.

greenfire

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 10:11 am

I've had non-jewish shabbos guests ... the thing I do to make them more comfortable is explain what kiddush is about & what it means in english before proceeding to chant it in hebrew

לחיים

mamallama

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 10:42 am

If it's their first time coming to your home, make sure to give them very clear directions to get there. Explain that you won't be able to communicate with them (calls/texts/emails) after sundown Friday night. I once had someone text me multiple times on Shabbos because she couldn't find my house.

On a different note, my colleagues don't know that I cover my hair, so if I have people from work over, I'm careful to wear my work wig so that I don't look like I magically grew my hair and got a totally different style!

vintagebknyc

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 3:06 pm

tell them about toilet flushing and TP. (back in the day, I found myself in a pickle in a bathroom situation)

mommyla

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 3:35 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

tell them about toilet flushing and TP. (back in the day, I found myself in a pickle in a bathroom situation)

Huh? What about toilet flushing? And who cares if they use the TP? I don't get it.

I'm interested in these answers too, my coworkers (devout Catholics and Seventh Day Adventists) want to come for Shabbos.

dimyona

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 3:53 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

tell them about toilet flushing and TP. (back in the day, I found myself in a pickle in a bathroom situation)

Toilet flushing?

vintagebknyc

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 4:07 pm

dimyona wrote:

Toilet flushing?

a hundred years ago I found myself at shabbos in a bathroom with a dilemma: I didn't know if I was allowed to flush. I didn't know if I was allowed to tear off some toilet paper.

dimyona

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 4:09 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

a hundred years ago I found myself at shabbos in a bathroom with a dilemma: I didn't know if I was allowed to flush. I didn't know if I was allowed to tear off some toilet paper.

Thanks for clarifying! I was just wondering if there were any halachic issues I wasn't aware of. I feel for you, that must have been awkward.

DrMom

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 4:17 pm

mommyla wrote:

Toilet flushing?

And who cares if they tear tp? They are not Jewish!

vintagebknyc

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 4:23 pm

DrMom wrote:

Toilet flushing?

And who cares if they tear tp? They are not Jewish!

at the time, I equated flushing with turning on a light, I didn't know. ditto with tearing TP, because I knew that was considered "work"... ergo, I came into it having a lax jewish education, but knowing enough to wonder if I was doing anything wrong.

it would seem I am the only person this has ever happened to.

vintagebknyc

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 4:24 pm

dimyona wrote:

Thanks for clarifying! I was just wondering if there were any halachic issues I wasn't aware of. I feel for you, that must have been awkward.

and yes, very awkward.

imasoftov

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 4:45 pm

Ancient Toilets, the Essenes, and The Dead Sea Scrolls
http://jamestabor.com/2012/08/.....olls/