Honeymoon registry- WDYT?

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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts

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amother

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 7:57 pm

My aunt just sent out the invitations for my cousin's bridal shower and it lists where she is registered. She has two typical registries and a third "registry" that is basically an account where you send money that she is collecting for her honeymoon. On the one hand, plenty of people give money as wedding gifts, so why not? But something about specifically asking people to fund your honeymoon just seems, well, distasteful. Anyway, I'm choosing to purchase a gift from one of the store registries, so it's no skin off my back if she is raising money for her honeymoon, but am I weird for finding weird? Have you heard of such a thing? WDYT?

nyer1

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 8:39 pm

Incredibly tacky

zaq

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 8:42 pm

Tackier than a superannuated bottle of rubber cement and tasteless as stale cardboard.

seeker

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 9:33 pm

I'm gonna go with just plain "tacky" - zaq's similes gave me smilies but I don't think it's THAAAT bad. Just bad.

zaq

Tue, Feb 03 2015, 9:44 pm

seeker wrote:

I'm gonna go with just plain "tacky" - zaq's similes gave me smilies but I don't think it's THAAAT bad. Just bad.

It could always be worse, of course. It is not quite as bad as charging the wedding guests admission plus a contribution towards the honeymoon, which happened to a friend of mine at work. You cannot make this stuff up.

agreer

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 1:20 am

I don't get why they have to have a registry, announcing it to the world. Why can't they just take the money and use it for whatever they wasn't.

Tres gauche!

Barbara

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 9:29 am

Registries should never be listed on invitations. If someone wants to know, they can call the host to ask for the information.

The honeymoon registry really doesn't bother me all that much, otherwise.

sky

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 10:06 am

Barbara wrote:

It sounds like it was a bridal shower invitation which is sometimes done.

saw50st8

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 10:38 am

Barbara wrote:

For a bridal shower invitation? I think that's good information.

I don't think a honeymoon registry is tacky. When my mother got remarried, I called her friends and asked if they wanted to contribute to a honeymoon fund. This way, no one had to ponder if a fondue pot is an appropriate 2nd marriage gift and they didn't get twelve of something they already own. People loved the idea and gave whatever they wanted.

Why is a honeymoon registry tackier than a regular gift registry?

mille

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 11:06 am

I don't really think it's tacky. It's fairly common in the non frum world, especially when the couple has been living together for years and they don't need all the platters and linens that people typically register for. I also think it's less common in the non frum world to receive the amount in cash gifts that is common in the frum world. I more money in cash gifts than my secular friends spent on their weddings, total (they paid for them, obviously not huge wedding hall affairs, and all had less than 100 guests).

I'm not assuming that OP's cousin is not frum, but 3-4 years ago when I was engaged, honeymoon registries were a 'hot tip' in all the bridal magazines, so it's not crazy she got the idea from somewhere like that.

luppamom

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 11:27 am

I also think writing that they are on registries is helpful. People go to Target all the time. Some may step into Bed Bath and Beyond (especially w/ those coupons). Instead of trying to guess what the couple needs or wants, it's all there for you. If I were looking for a present, I would not want to have to search the database several times, I'd much prefer if it were written on the shower invitation.

I do think the honeymoon fund is weird. (Although, mille pointed it out, normal in some circles) I think it's obvious that people can give money if they would like. Why specify what it's for?

self-actualization

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 1:34 pm

There is an American phenomenon of Bridezilla.

People are generally older when they get married and have more opinions. The engagement is typically a year long, so they have a lot of time to plan. My coworker, with whom I shared an office, spent a year planning the following, for her 50 guest wedding:

1) A wedding website
2) Save the date cards
3) Checking out the venue
4) Planning the menu
5) Having her female relatives fly in so they could see her try on dresses at 3 or 4 stores
6) Registering for gifts
7) Registering for the honeymoon (website called "honeyfund")
8) Planning the wedding cake
9) Finding the photographer and videographer
10) Makeup
11) Hair
12) Shoes

And much much more. Imagine the day after the honeymoon, what is she going to do then?

imasoftov

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 5:01 pm

self-actualization wrote:

Imagine the day after the honeymoon, what is she going to do then?

Start a spreadsheet of who gave her what gifts, and spend months updating it instead of sending thank-you notes.

greenfire

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 5:05 pm

the world is getting greedy on the must dos that pretend to make life better ...

personally I am glad my kids got married so quick - it left a lot of these criteria out of the way

then again - wouldn't people want to give the couple the gift they want - rather than gift something they would never use

chaos

Thu, Feb 05 2015, 4:38 am

I don't think that honeymoon registries are any more tacky than any other registry.

The etiquette history surrounding cash gifts is actually quite fascinating. It used to be that since cash was used in impersonal business transactions, it was considered poor taste to give it as a gift directly; it had to be "disguised" in some way. Here are some interesting reads:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01.....?_r=0
http://offbeatbride.com/2011/0.....gifts
Registries are a holdover of this idea - here is a more socially acceptable way for new couples to set up their new home because it is unacceptable to ask for cash directly. (Meanwhile , there are cultures in which cash gifts are acceptable and expected)

However, Miss Manners comes down pretty hard on registries. In Miss Manners’ Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding, the authors call to abolish the wedding registry. “A gift is something that someone voluntarily does and chooses for you,” says co-author Jacobina Martin, daughter of Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners. “When you’re just handing out a shopping list, you’re saying, ‘We don’t care what you think we like.'” We've accepted registries as a norm, but that doesn't mean that the etiquette experts even agree with the concept in the first place.

On honeymoon registries specifically, today's wedding etiquette experts initially came down hard on honeymoon registries because it felt too much like giving cash, but these opinions are changing as they acknowledge the reality that many couples marrying have all of the household items they need and a honeymoon registry still allows guests to give a meaningful experience to the couple.
www.topweddingquestions.com/bl.....acky/
http://www.topweddingsites.com.....tacky

Raisin

Thu, Feb 05 2015, 4:43 am

we got an invitation recently asking not for gifts, but please give cash. Honestly I get why they feel compelled to do this, but it really left a bad taste in my mouth. And while I got a lot of useless stuff as gifts, I got some really nice ones as well, although mostly people gave cheques.

nywife

Thu, Feb 05 2015, 2:03 pm

It's weird. If I gave someone a check as a wedding present, I would not care if they used it for their honeymoon or they used it for rent. I just don't want to know

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