Looking for standard bar/bat mitzvah gift

JuliaB

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 10:48 am

My husband is the principal of a day school and we are invited to all of the kids' bar and bat mitzvahs. I am not sure what the appropriate etiquette is with regard to giving all of the kids gifts, I have been giving them all $18 to the local judaica store, but I would like to give them something more meaningful. My husband has been talking about giving all of the kids a certain sefer or something, but hasn't been doing any about it, so I need to figure out a good standard gift to give everyone that isn't too expensive. I would like to keep it about $20 each. I have expensive taste and I don't want to give anything that looks cheap or isn't nice, so I am having trouble finding something within this budget.

Any ideas? Thanks

Barbara

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 10:56 am

JuliaB wrote:

IMNSHO, you shouldn't be expected to give a gift at all. The school itself should give a uniform gift to each child, and that should be considered to be your gift as well.

I think that a sefer or a tzedaka box would be nice.

singleagain

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 10:57 am

each kid is different, so it's kinda hard to come up with a "universal" gift, I think the gift card is the best idea, OR, along the lines of a sefer or something, I'm sure you can find a good book about a specific mitzvah that is important and/or ppl tend to forget, maybe even something simple, like a pocket size [insert chosen halach/mitzvah here] book, but I would either choose one mitzvah that pertains to everyone, or one for boys, and one for girls.

singleagain

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 11:35 am

upon further reflection, I thought maybe something like a Pirkei Avot would be good for both bar/bat mitzvah gift ... for instance:
http://www.amazon.com/Pirkei-A.....62067 <-- a nice simple one
http://www.amazon.com/Pirke-Av.....5A86Q <-- this one seems to bring "ancient" ideas to "modern day"
http://www.amazon.com/Pirke-Av.....SARG2 <-- another one with a "modern" twist

Another idea, I got from looking at amazon's similar books... Mishlei
http://www.amazon.com/Mishlei-.....YGA1H <-- again with "modern" day examples

JuliaB

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 11:38 am

these are great ideas! I definitely like the idea of a pirkei avot. I'm going to run them by my husband and then hopefully order a bunch (maybe through the school or maybe not) to stock up. We have a bar/bat mitzvah every week for the next month!

Barbara

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 11:45 am

JuliaB wrote:

it's hard because I love giving individualized, unique gifts, but I don't have the budget or the time to do it in this situation!

WADR, individualized, unique gifts are a very, very bad idea for a school principal. It leaves you open to accusations of favoritism.

JuliaB

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 11:47 am

Of course, Barbara. That's why we've been giving boring gift certificates ;-) I neglected to say that in my post above. It just doesn't mesh with my personality to be giving something so neutral, which is why I'm looking for ideas for something meaningful for everyone.

Raisin

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 12:16 pm

I don't think my sons teachers or principal gave him a gift.

I think a token sefer or gift certificate is absolutely fine. if you have a lot maybe you can order wholesale direct from artscroll.

lfab

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 1:00 pm

Don't know the price on these but how about a small faux leather siddur for each student? If you want to personalize it maybe you can get the store to put each student's name on his/her siddur.

singleagain

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 1:03 pm

lfab wrote:

Don't know the price on these but how about a small faux leather siddur for each student? If you want to personalize it maybe you can get the store to put each student's name on his/her siddur.

I wouldn't do a siddur, bc some kids, even adults, really struggle with daven'ing, and I feel a siddur is a bit "in your face" where as a different book, like pirkei avot, is just basic good advice that will help you all throughout life.... it's more philosophical then technical.

Sanguine

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 1:10 pm

How about a chamisha chumshei Torah with haftorah and shabbat davening - Your own to take to shul every shabbat. You can put their names on the front and write something inside (or paste a standard message in each)

imaima

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 4:04 pm

JuliaB wrote:

How personal do you really feel towards every single school child that you give them an individualized gift? I guess not so much.
What you are doing is amazing and the ideas you got from others are also nice?

zaq

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 6:09 pm

Barbara wrote:

Thumbs up to both comments.

PAMOM

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 7:01 pm

Ok, I'll go with curtain #2. I really like the idea of a tzedakah box. My kids' friends like them, and you may be able to get a good bulk price. Look online to see if an artsy judaica store or Etsy has something you like.

chaos

Wed, Feb 04 2015, 10:18 pm

I like the Judaica gift card, tzedakah box, and pirke avot suggestions. I think these gifts are meaningful, appropriate, and that they send a great, positive message for a young Jewish adult. I whole-heartedly agree with Singleagain's comments on pirke avot vs. siddur. Pirke Avot seems a much better choice for a young teen because it offers more life lessons. Singleagain, thanks for the Amazon links - I might buy one of those Pirke Avot with modern twist for myself!

JuliaB

Thu, Feb 05 2015, 8:14 am

Ok, I wanted to update all of you wonderful ladies! I ordered a bunch of Rav Samson Rafael Hirsch Pirkei Avot from amazon- we will write a personal inscription in it for each kid. Whether or not the school will pay for it is another issue all together, but for now I have gifts! I really appreciate all of your input.