Riding with a child

Clarissa

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 7:36 am

Okay, I’m not asking for a halachic answer. More like advice or experience. Last night my husband took my son (who’s 16) to the ER. Turned out to be appendicitis. He had an appendectomy a little while ago and is doing fine (still asleep). It’s a minor procedure these days, done with laparoscopic surgery. They said he’ll be able to go home early this evening. It’ll probably be Shabbos by the time they release him.

I think he should be there to bring him home but he feels funny about it, since it’ll be Shabbos and they’d have to ride. My son, who is an independent teen and does take cabs on his own, should probably be escorted home by a parent because it’ll be less than 24 hours after surgery. Minor surgery, but surgery with general anesthesia.

I know he won’t call his rav so I’m asking here -- has anybody been in such a position? Were they allowed to travel? He wouldn’t be driving, he’d be a passenger in a cab but would have to pay, or my son (who has a credit card) would have to pay. And of course they’d have to ride.

Once again, not asking for halacha. Asking if anybody’s been through something like this. He’s MO.

tigerwife

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 7:43 am

A family member of mine did take a car service home from the hospital on Yom Tov. Yes, they asked a Rav.

I assume the hospital won't let him stay. He is a choleh who can't possibly go home alone. Given these circumstances (DISCLAIMER: I am not a posek, lol), I'd assume it was OK. But if it were me I'd still want to check with someone more familiar with the halachos than I am.

Hope your son has an easy recovery!

Clarissa

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 7:57 am

Thank you all so much! Trying to reach my husband to talk to him. Either he has to bring him home or I’ll go do it, if he’s uncomfortable. I don’t want my kid going home alone, even though he’s a NY kid and used to taking cabs. I’m not comfortable with him doing it alone.

If the doctor says he’s well enough to go home before Shabbos that’ll be great, but who knows.

Thank you all!

yOungM0mmy

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 8:07 am

My son was 2 and they discharged us after Shabbos had started, he had come out with massive blisters on his hands, and I was allowed to ride in the cab with him. Then again, I, a very capable adult, had a miscarriage on first day of a three day yom tov, obviously DH was allowed to come with me to the hospital, but he was also allowed to come back from the hospital with me on the second day of yom tov in the cab (I am Lubavitch). I would not like to pasken, but if you wont ask (if you don't mind me asking, why not ask? I doubt you'll get a no), I'd think it's pretty safe to assume that less than 24 hours after appendicitis qualifies as a choleh who is still in danger.

Raisin

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 8:22 am

my son cut off the top of his finger one seder night (it might have been shabbos too, I can't remember) We drove to the hospital, (actually a policeman took us) they sent us home that night (I took a cab) and told us to go to another hospital the next morning to get it sewn up by a plastic surgeon. We then took another cab home, on yom tov. We had a non Jewish friend pay the cab driver, not sure what we would have done otherwise. You can have money available to pay the guy in an envelope since you know in advance you might need it.

I went with my son because my husband was busy in shul being that it was yom tov, but no question, he would have gone himself otherwise.

The only thing that sucked is my husband said I was not allowed to take any reading material with for myself. Just food and anything my son needed.

Hashem_Yaazor

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 8:56 am

Clarissa, can YOU reach out to a rabbi if your husband won't? Because while we are all assuming it's ok to ride home with your son (he should have a refuah sheleima), we are not really in the know about specifics of how to go about it....meaning there may be a way to ask a hospital staff member to call a cab on your behalf, there may be stipulations asking the cab driver to open and close doors, there may be preferred payment method....there are little details like this that a rabbi can give guidance on beyond the "permitted/forbbiden" question.

Clarissa

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 9:21 am

I’m back. Just talked to my husband. We worked out the possibilities and he’s going to bring him home. He feels comfortable with the options I gave him and I feel so much better because I couldn’t handle worrying about my kid on his own, even though he’s a teenager and generally very capable.

Thank you all so much. I’m really grateful to all of you for your responses.

Mrs Bissli

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 10:39 am

We had a similar situ my DH had to meet me at the hospital over Shabbat. His Rav said it is advisable to make payment to the driver in advance. Failing that, put the money in an envelope, leave before Shabbat at the hospital or in DS's coat pocket and let the driver take the money him/herself. Ask the driver for help opening the car doors and also for bags. Refua shelema

greenfire

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 10:50 am

happened with my daughter who got burned on friday night went with the ambulance and came home by a car ride - only I asked the rav afterward ... who has time in an emergency right

well if the hospital releases the patient & the patient needs care [regardless of age or usual ability] it is considered saconos nefashos which overrides shabbos ...

refuah shelaima to your son Hug

good shabbos to all of yous Flower

teddyb

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 11:01 am

can you arrange pickup and payment with a car service in advance of Shabbos?

Where I live there is a wonderful system in place where we have cards with our names on it that are connected to an account with one taxi service. you can give the driver the card instead of payment and the service bills the organization that put it together and the organization bills the person whose name was on the card. we get 3 every year and can always call for more if needed.

summer0808

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 11:58 am

Refuah Shelaima to your son!!

This happens all the time on Y'T. When someone has a baby and the hospital discharges on first or second (of 3 day) Y'T. The mother & baby and someone else come home with her in a car. I think that Maimonidies in BP pays for the taxi (they don't want them there anymore).

What do we do in our 9th month? Prepare money in an envelope in the front console so that the driver takes himself.

The driver should also open & close doors, carry the bags etc.

21young

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 12:16 pm

Just wanted to let you know that you're making the right decision, Clarissa. Last year I had laparascopic surgery, and while it is considered minor it still is surgery. It took me much longer to recover than I had anticipated and I was really sick and woozy on the way home. Refuah sheleimah to your son!

penguin

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 12:26 pm

Do you have a local bikur cholim? They usually have an arrangement with some car service company that the payment can be taken care of before or after Shabbos. And drivers that know to open the doors for you, and carry along anything you need carried.

But if not, I am sure you can make that arrangement.

Leahh

Fri, Feb 06 2015, 12:40 pm

I knwo you specifically said you're not asking for halacha bit I do know MANY people in a similar situation that we're told companion SHOULD go with pt in cab on shabbos. So there is definitely a halachic basis for your husband to go in the cab. As far as money, maybe you can prepare the money by the door and have the driver get it himself.
Refuah shelaima