Should you spank your child?

causemommysaid

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 12:49 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

I would be a rich woman if I had $1 for every time I heard the running in the street excuse for hitting kids. It's pretty simple, if you have kids who are too young to know or learn that running in the street is dangerous, walk them to a park to play or use a tether. Same thing with the stove. Close off the kitchen or the stove area with baby gate or enclosure while you are at the stove.

Its not an excuse. I don't get pleasure from hitting my kids.

It is a one time thing and it worked very very well. I would do it again if I had to.

amother

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 1:04 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

I really think she means tapping him on the mouth.

I am the person that first posted this. It's s/t between a tap and a slap. If it was a tap, he would've laughed LOL

A smack is too much. It needs to be hard enough that the baby doesn't enjoy it, but soft enough that it doesn't actually hurt the baby. I just hope I don't ever have to do it.

causemommysaid

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 1:08 pm

amother wrote:

I am the person that first posted this. It's s/t between a tap and a slap. If it was a tap, he would've laughed LOL

A smack is too much. It needs to be hard enough that the baby doesn't enjoy it, but soft enough that it doesn't actually hurt the baby. I just hope I don't ever have to do it.

I don't think a baby is old enough to understand what it means.

saw50st8

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 1:19 pm

heidi wrote:

I would stop nursing rather than hit a baby.
And I am a huge fan of nursing.

So, rather than possibly risk a tiny bit of discomfort, you would deprive him of superior nutrition?

Interesting.

I never used that method, but one of my kids seriously hurt me with biting. We tried all the "soft" ways to stop but nothing worked. Eventually, he weaned himself but it was really painful. He also couldn't really have many types of formula because he was reacted to a million different things. Even hypoallergenic formula wouldn't work as well for him as breastmilk!

There are so many sanctimommies on this thread.

heidi

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 1:22 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

By the time a baby can bite that hard the superiority of the nutrition is very slight.
And you can always pump and bottle feed.
Stop trying to justify abusing infants!

amother

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 1:25 pm

heidi wrote:

By the time a baby can bite that hard the superiority of the nutrition is very slight.
And you can always pump and bottle feed.
Stop trying to justify abusing infants!

Not necessarily true. Some babies get teeth earlier than others. Many babies get their first tooth at 6 mos. That's still young enough that they need breastmilk.

saw50st8

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 1:50 pm

This is why I said the sanctimommies are out. You are calling a light tap abuse. I'm not a fan of it and didn't do it, but it's not abuse. Please speak to real abuse victims if you want to understand the scope of abuse. Not every negative thing a parent does is abuse!

From experience, pumping after an injury to your nipple is killer. It's much worse than nursing afterwards. With one of my kids I had to stop pumping because of it. Luckily, he was nearly 12 months old already.

I really dislike how abuse is thrown around so much so that people can't differentiate between real abuse and negative parenting techniques.

saw50st8

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 1:51 pm

amother wrote:

Not necessarily true. Some babies get teeth earlier than others. Many babies get their first tooth at 6 mos. That's still young enough that they need breastmilk.

My friend's son got his tooth at 4 months.

amother

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 1:56 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

My friend's son got his tooth at 4 months.

Exactly my point. The baby still needs the breast-milk and not everyone is cut out for pumping and some babies don't tolerate formula well.

It's called tough love. If nothing else works, it's s/t to think about.

southernbubby

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 2:28 pm

Earlier generations did not question whether shaming and corporal punishment was right or wrong. It was the only method that they knew. Children were also expected to grow up much faster and coddling children was considered to hamper that process. Think of all those generations where military service was mandatory. At 18 every son went to war. Children on farms woke up very early to do chores before school and were beaten if they did not do those chores. Their work was necessary for the family's survival.

Now there is a better method. Make a chart of good behaviors and promise the kids that bubby will send them gifts for all the good behaviors.

deena19k

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 2:52 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

I did not call it abuse, but it is WRONG to smack a baby for biting you. He is not doing it maliciously and does not understand that it hurts you. How is it okay to then give him a smack for doing simething that to him just feels good on his sore teething gums? How is that okay?

saw50st8

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 3:02 pm

deena19k wrote:

Like you said, your baby learned quickly. Mine didn't and just laughed.

People aren't talking about smacking their baby. A light tap on the mouth is not a huge deal, as long as that's what it really is. Parenting is often choosing between a rock and a hard place.

MagentaYenta

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 4:16 pm

ora_43 wrote:

It's really not that simple.

There are risks both ways. If I smack my toddler for doing something dangerous, I risk a small degree of harm to our relationship (she's very unlikely to remember, but there may be a subconscious effect, I don't know). But if I trust preventative measures alone to restrain her, I run a small risk of physical harm to her, because tethers and baby gates aren't 100% effective.

Actually, baby gates aren't even 10% effective with toddlers, in my experience. But let's pretend this is a super-strong baby gate or something.

The point is - we all take risks. I don't think it's right to say parents who smack kids for running into the street are looking for an excuse to hit - IME, that "excuse" is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

Ya know, it worked for me, I've raised 7 that weren't run over by cars or burned themselves at the stove. You do what you think is best but the fact is hitting sends the wrong message IMHO. Many parents hit kids who are exhibiting age appropriate behavior, and when it doesn't work they keep doing it. When the behavior stops because of another developmental milestone they claim it was because the parents hit with frequency. If a child does not have the words or understanding of the 'why' of their behavior, what makes you think they understand a swift blow?

amother

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 4:28 pm

deena19k wrote:

It's conditioning not punishing. Baby associates s/t unpleasant (could be a NO, could be taking away the breast, could be a tap, could be all or some depending on what works or doesn't) w/ biting. Eventually the behavior dies out.