what do I give my dd after her chumash play?

amother

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:24 pm

My dd is having her chumash play this week. She told me that she can't wait to see the present I will give her after her play. Being that she is my first dd getting a chumash I have no experience with this. It seems (according to dd) that mothers bring gifts to the play. What kind of gift is appropriate?

Chayalle

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:41 pm

It depends on what your child is like. The idea is that you want your child to be excited and remember this positively. Sort of like the little boys lick honey when they get their upsherin because Torah is sweet.

My older DD was more brainy and mature, so I bought her some books at my Judaica store. But my little one much prefers toys, so that is what she got.

I never took a gift to school, as that is NOT the norm where I live. Check if that's the done thing in your area. I prefer to give gifts at home for many reasons - not promoting jealousy being foremost.

yidishmamma

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 11:09 pm

My daughter is having her siddur play tomorrow and got a note not to bring gift to school . I will listen but not sure what other parents will do

SRS

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 10:57 am

I'd ask her where she heard about this gift idea and tell her you have never heard of such a thing? Don't let one parent set a standard for everyone else to have to keep up with. I've never seen or heard of such a practice or custom. Let's not make it standard. And isn't an afikomen gift right around the corner? And then there are birthdays and Chanukah. And my kids seem to pick up random prizes everywhere and goodie bags at birthdays. I swear, our kids seem to be in constant receiving mode.

animeme

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 11:11 am

Any chance she means a balloon? I see a lot of those, and the kid sees it and so does everyone else.

abaker

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 11:24 am

animeme wrote:

Any chance she means a balloon? I see a lot of those, and the kid sees it and so does everyone else.

I was also thinking a balloon or pretty flower, maybe something to say "wow mazel tov!" Is what dd means, not that she's expecting a toy. (I wouldn't give a toy IMO it's about reaching a milestone in chinuch, not about look what thing I got)

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 12:18 pm

abaker wrote:

That's a big part of the reason why I would not bring a gift to the play, but would rather give it when she comes home. When children get a gift in public, the comparisons start, as opposed to appreciating and enjoying the gift.

Here, too, even though it's a milestone in chinuch I would get a gift that is appropriate for the child in question. If a toy is what this particular child would enjoy most, I would have no problem celebrating a milestone in chinuch that way.

abaker

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 12:54 pm

I do agree with you chayalle. If the toy was appropriate as in your situation with your younger dd then it makes sense...I just mean as a general rule I wouldn't say Chumash play=toy just as I wouldn't say upsherinish=a toys r us shopping spree, but there are fitting toys (aleph beds game or play tefillin) that also enforce the milestone and not society's materialistic mentality of getting.

STMommy

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 1:45 pm

sky wrote:

We would bake a cake or cupcakes in honor the event to celebrate with the family.

Love this idea! A sweet treat with a bracha that the Torah should always be sweet to you.

My mother bought my DD a piece of "jewelry" (costume, but beautiful) so she would have a lasting reminder of the milestone.

agreer

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 3:22 pm

When I first read the title, I thought, "... a hug?"

But then, after reading the reason for the question, I thought more... Some posters say not to bring the gift to the party b/c it creates comparisons...But how will your daughter feel when her friends get something and she doesn't?

Yikes. This is a hard one.

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 3:45 pm

agreer wrote:

You tell her in advance that she will receive her gift at home. You can say something about making sure it doesn't get lost or broken, etc...

PinkFridge

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 4:45 pm

I'm all for giving it at home, but am feeling very guilty now and hope my children will forgive me for not giving them a Chumash party gift..
I'm a bit concerned about this becoming a norm, personally.

the world's best mom

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 4:52 pm

I have never heard of giving anything. The Chumash play is a big treat, and the big present is the Chumash. Why must there be a need to also give her a toy or jewelry?

greenfire

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 4:59 pm

why does everybody create new minhagim - this is why there's a shidduch crisis ... all these 'must haves' that never existed 20 some odd years ago

SRS

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 5:55 pm

Chayalle wrote:

You tell her in advance that she will receive her gift at home. You can say something about making sure it doesn't get lost or broken, etc...

No need to make excuses. Tell her about Yaacov's criticism of the brothers when they went to mitzrayim in a famine eating publicly when others did not have food and explain that while you will be giving a gift, you believe that gifts are most appropriately given privately and that not every child will be getting a gift and not every family has the means to give gifts so even if others get their gift right there, you will give it at home (that is of course if the OP gives a gift. . . I thought the chumash was the gift).

happybeingamom

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 5:57 pm

Did many Chumash plays and no gifts, I hope this is not a new trend.

We would have a special desert for supper or at the upcoming Shabbos so the whole family celebrates this milestone.

animeme

Tue, Feb 10 2015, 6:09 pm

She's a first grader. DD may have one friend who told her she's getting a gift (which may or may not be true). So DD now assumes that getting a gift is part of the deal for everyone. Doesn't mean that's true.