VULNERABILITY IS ?__________?

JMM-uc

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 2:41 am

personally I would say vulnerability is courage.
vulnerability is strength.

BUT

from experience-

VULNERABILITY IS THE FIRST STEP TO BETRAYAL

what do YOU think vulnerability is?

Jewishmom8

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 2:49 am

I wish I was in a place where I knew I could disagree and say something other than what you said.
but I am not really. It is an issue you and I need to work on.
There is one maybe two people that I am able to be that way with.
I am not sure betrayal is how I would word it though. for me people eventually walk away.
I need to work on this issue at some point. I really do.

Jewishmom8

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 3:05 am

I think that it is worth it
I think for me I just don't do it right.
I either don't pick the right people. Dont know how to figure out which are the good ones for me to get close with. Or that would want to be close to me. I think I do it to myself too. Like I think most people wouldn't be interested.

JMM-uc

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 3:25 am

After my "friend" dumped me part of the horrible feelings that were eating at me was the feeling (or thought) - "I'm such an idiot, how could I have trusted her so fully?! There were red flags everywhere, things she said to me that should never be said. I did this to myself, I'm not good at finding good trustworthy people. My vulnerability is making me an easy target " but a smart person told me, and I believe this to be true -
She told me I have done NOTHING wrong. In fact I tried changing the relationship several times because something didn't feel quite right. I ended up having to play by her rules because she wouldn't have it any other way. That is why things went wrong. It was. 100% her doing.

So that feeling is out of my system. But the pain and sadness that come with such betrayal, remain. And will probably remain forever

MiracleMama

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 5:07 am

Vulnerability is being open. It's true it can lead to hurt and betrayal. It can also lead to closeness/ connection, happiness (be it with spouse, friend, family member). Unfortunately if you are so scared of hurt that you can't be vulnerable, you also close off any opportunity for the good things it can bring.

JMM-uc

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 5:24 am

doctorima wrote:

I think this book could be very helpful, someone I know gained a lot from it:

http://www.amazon.com/Daring-G.....=UTF8

I love Berne Brown!

harriet

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 5:27 am

JustMeMyself wrote:

I love Berne Brown!

She also has some great TED talks-on vulnerability and shame-that are worth watching. Her name is Brene Brown (in case you want to do a search)

JMM-uc

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 5:30 am

MiracleMama wrote:

Yes, vulnerability leads to closeness. But that's when the crash will happen.

We have to ask ourselves what our family /friend /spouse really want.

Is it for us to be our true selves? (hint :NO) is it for them to get what they want from us. Closeness serves a purpose for both sides. Closeness feels good and safe But it's the dark times that prove this statement to be true.

It's not you they want. It's what you give.

And yes

Vulnerability is the first step to BETRYAL.

babysmum

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 7:08 am

JustMeMyself wrote:

personally I would say vulnerability is courage.
vulnerability is strength.

BUT

from experience-

VULNERABILITY IS THE FIRST STEP TO BETRAYAL

what do YOU think vulnerability is?

It is also the first step to love.

Scrabble123

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 7:27 am

Vulnerability is when you realize that what you taught yourself are the markers of judging someone's character are no more telling than anything else. Emotional maturity is when you realize that it shouldn't frighten you or hold you back from succeeding, and when you trust yourself to do well.

markmywords

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 8:45 pm

It takes courage TO be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable means opening yourself up hoping for some gain knowing there's a POSSIBILITY of being hurt.
It takes wisdom to recognize when it's sufficiently safe to allow oneself to be vulnerable.
Safe and vulnerable sound contradictory, but I don't believe they have to be.
Exposing one's weaknesses in a therapist's office can make one feel very vulnerable, but it's probably logical to assume there's a certain level of "safety".
Professing one's interest in a shidduch before having any clue if the other person wants to meet a second or third time is just plain foolish. Wisdom would guide a person to wait a bit, look for various signs, and perhaps inquire with others. The feeling of vulnerability might still be there when a man decides he wants to propose, but I would assume he has a good idea of her answer in advance despite this.

Last edited by markmywords on Wed, Feb 11 2015, 8:54 pm; edited 1 time in total

KollelWife3

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 8:53 pm

Vulnerability is letting all your facades drop and allowing your true self to be exposed.

That's how my friendships blossomed. The one friendship where it's lacking, we have a very shallow relationship.

It is risky, though.

youngishbear

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 9:03 pm

I think it's the other way around.

Love is feeling safe enough to make yourself vulnerable.

Making yourself vulnerable means exposing the side of you that you fear will be rejected, betrayed, or hurt.

So if you felt safe to be vulnerable, it was because you trusted that person not to do any of that. And when they do... it rips you to shreds.

Even though it's really not your fault.

Bebesimcha

Wed, Feb 11 2015, 11:06 pm

Brenee brown Ted talks are so on the mark!

Vulnerability takes courage!
When u are self secure it's easier to be vulnerable. You don't judge yourself by the other persons reaction.

Listen to Brenee