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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Wwyd - school friend caused big expense.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 9:08 pm
last month a classmate of my 11yr old son was horsing around during recess and accidentally bumped into my son causing him to fall and chip one of his front teeth. It was obviously an accident. His mom called and apologized. I told her it was no big deal and our dentist would be able to fix it at a minimal cost. Fast forward a few weeks and the tooth is hurting. Unfortunately the dentist said my son will need an expensive procedure to resolve the problem. I don't have dental insurance. My DH says we shouldn't go back to the responsible party and ask for them to pay because its embarrassing. I'm not so sure. Btw, from what I can tell the other family is middle class financially. Wwyd?
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nyer1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 9:16 pm
This is a toughie. First, have u considered the possibility that It isn't 100% only the other boy's fault?
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spinkles




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 9:16 pm
It was an accident, things happen with kids. The other family has no obligation to pay, and it would be weird to ask them to.

Can you work something out with the dentist to pay in installments, or get help from an organization in the community?
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 9:18 pm
Get the true cost.

Call her and tell her.

Ask her to split it half-half.

If she agrees, have the dentist bill her directly if possible. That may not be possible.

It is probably both boys' fault and they were both involved. She has already admitted some involvement.

If your husband doesn't like this idea, forget it and pay it.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 9:24 pm
I hear your discomfort and would not approach the mom. However,since it's important to your husband, consider asking a rabbi if the other parent is obligated To pay. If I recall correctly, they have zero obligation to pay for damage done by a child under bar mitzvah,even if done purposely. That being said,if my kid purposely did something to another I would probably pay for it. Here,it seems like it was a total accident and not only the fault of the other kid.

Hatzlacha!
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Learning




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 10:19 pm
amother wrote:
I hear your discomfort and would not approach the mom. However,since it's important to your husband, consider asking a rabbi if the other parent is obligated To pay. If I recall correctly, they have zero obligation to pay for damage done by a child under bar mitzvah,even if done purposely. That being said,if my kid purposely did something to another I would probably pay for it. Here,it seems like it was a total accident and not only the fault of the other kid.

Hatzlacha!

I agree. Ask a rabbi and ask him also how to inform them if you need to.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 10:32 pm
op- thanks for the suggestions, although its taking me in every direction possible. For the record, my son was seated at his desk when the other boy was trying to climb on top of the lockers. He slipped and landed on my son toppling him over and chipping his tooth. It would seem as though it was 100% the other boys fault. Not sure if this changes anything.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 10:39 pm
amother wrote:
op- thanks for the suggestions, although its taking me in every direction possible. For the record, my son was seated at his desk when the other boy was trying to climb on top of the lockers. He slipped and landed on my son toppling him over and chipping his tooth. It would seem as though it was 100% the other boys fault. Not sure if this changes anything.


Are you in the US? I know everyone here runs to discuss with Biet Din, but the laws on this in America are quite clear: people are responsible for the damage their children do.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 10:44 pm
Would it be an idea to get a second opinion, from a completely different dentist?

With x rays, and good explanations, about what's up.

If it's an infection, antibiotics?

If it's nerve damage, can that fix itself with time, as he is so young?
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 10:47 pm
My sib had a tooth knocked out during recess and it needed a veneer, etc. My mom didn't call up a parent and make them pay for it. Veneers are not covered under insurance btw.
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shanie5




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 11:09 pm
If it happened in school, can you ask the schools insurance to cover the cost?
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 11:13 pm
amother wrote:
Are you in the US? I know everyone here runs to discuss with Biet Din, but the laws on this in America are quite clear: people are responsible for the damage their children do.

I dont know about that. My daughters friend threw a rock at my car intentionally, at her own admission. My minivan window shattered. The parents said theyd pay to replace the window, the a day later the father asked the rav if the shul we both go to, and the rav said even though she threw it intentionally at my car, since shes young (9 at the time), they do NOT need to pay, then he added that it wouls be menshlich of him to pay anyways. My husband spent a day driving around to junk yards to find a match so the repair would be as cheap as possible. The father decided not to be menchlich.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 11:15 pm
watergirl wrote:
I dont know about that. My daughters friend threw a rock at my car intentionally, at her own admission. My minivan window shattered. The parents said theyd pay to replace the window, the a day later the father asked the rav if the shul we both go to, and the rav said even though she threw it intentionally at my car, since shes young (9 at the time), they do NOT need to pay, then he added that it wouls be menshlich of him to pay anyways. My husband spent a day driving around to junk yards to find a match so the repair would be as cheap as possible. The father decided not to be menchlich.


You didn't read what I wrote. What the "Rav" said has absolutely nothing to do with the civil laws in the US.
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cfriedman2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 11:17 pm
Pretty sure that under the new Health care reform laws kids dental is covered under parents health plans if the kids are on the health plan. Check ur plan u may have dental coverage and u don't know.
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ROFL




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 11:36 pm
BTDT. My son was knocked down by another kid in front of the teacher and I paid for root canal , a crown , and now a new veneer ! It would have been nice for the other parents to offer anything, they did not !
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amother


 

Post Thu, Feb 12 2015, 12:16 am
watergirl wrote:
I dont know about that. My daughters friend threw a rock at my car intentionally, at her own admission. My minivan window shattered. The parents said theyd pay to replace the window, the a day later the father asked the rav if the shul we both go to, and the rav said even though she threw it intentionally at my car, since shes young (9 at the time), they do NOT need to pay, then he added that it wouls be menshlich of him to pay anyways. My husband spent a day driving around to junk yards to find a match so the repair would be as cheap as possible. The father decided not to be menchlich.



I would of instructed my small child to smash their windshield. Two can play that game.. But thats just me
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 12 2015, 2:01 am
Your clearer explanation does change things. Your son was an innocent bystander not a participant. If the boy had thrown a ball through your window, would you expect him to pay?
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kalsee




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 12 2015, 2:19 am
amother wrote:
You didn't read what I wrote. What the "Rav" said has absolutely nothing to do with the civil laws in the US.


A person is not obligated to pay for the damage his children might do (under certain circumstances)
If the damaged party forces the parents to pay because of civil law, it is considered as if he stole the money.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 12 2015, 2:43 am
shanie5 wrote:
If it happened in school, can you ask the schools insurance to cover the cost?


This. Where in the world was the supervision?
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MamaBear




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 12 2015, 6:29 pm
The school should have been supervising better. Tell them that you'll deduct the cost of the procedure from tuition because you have that much less to pay. Wink
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