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What kind of mother am I?



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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 9:27 pm
I am so ashamed of my actions that I can barely write it out. I don't know how to fix this. While I know that Im not a bad person, I definitely am a very irresponsible one. I am 49 years old and feel like a child in my emotional development a lot of the time. there are many reasons for this emotional immaturity ie I had a mentally ill mother growing up , abusive father; . I don't want to blame my parents and dysfunctional upbringing for my mistakes as an adult, as I am completely to blame. But fact is I had no role modeling growing up to know what was right or wrong. I never had to take responsibility for anything. I guess everything or most things I do is emotionally driven. most of the time it works, but a lot of the time it doesnt.

Before I get into what happened, I know it was wrong, illegle and I am eating myself up alive about it. I know I deserve to be bashed, so I guess go ahead. I took out a credit card in my daugher's name a few years ago and I was the secondary person on the card. I did not tell her. I maxed out the card and now the credit card company has been going after me to pay. I have been ignoring them for years. recently they found my daugher and she had no idea what happened and thoght somebody stole her identity. she wrote me an email today and I can't even bring myself to open it. I am so ashamed to face her, her husband and my own dh (he doesn't know). I do things like this and get myself into trouble, although up until now it really didn't affect anyone else.

I feel like Tamar in the Mishpacha series Three Steps.

writing it out is making me much much worse. what kind of a mother am I?
who does this? what the blip is wrong with me? you would NEVEre guess on the outside that I have done this. I look and really am a very involved caring mother who loves her children so much. I would never want to hurt them. so why do I? I know pple will recommend therapy for me. I know I need it but is there anything I can do to or say to my daugher? I am so so so very ashamed. I can't face her. I wanna die.
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PAMOM




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 10:59 pm
You're going to have to call the credit card company and tell them to note in the records that you are solely responsible for the debt -- sand send them a registered letter saying the same thing. Then you work out a payment plan with them. And you pay it. No matter what it takes. In the meantime, I suggest you contact an attorney to see if there's any way to clear your daughters credit without your having to go to jail. I know I'm sounding harsh, but at this point, it just isn't about you. You've potentially ruined your daughter's ability to buy a house or car, you've caused her insurance rates to go up because of a ruined credit rating, and you may have affected her ability to get hired for certain jobs. And you cheated her. Yes, you need help, but right now, it's just not about you.
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Ashrei




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 11:20 pm
At least you regret it! My mother has used my info for accounts and she feels totally entitled to! With no request or apology!

Anyway, I'm sure your daughter will feel very upset by this, and perhaps a little insecure and paranoid about you having her info (as I am).I have no idea how to rectify the relationship, just daven, daven, daven... pour out your heart to Hashem in teshuva and don't expect anything from your daughter. Good luck, and success on your continuing growth as a mensch and eved Hashem.
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Learning




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Feb 12 2015, 12:27 am
You were a good mother for her when she was growing up. She is married healthy and have a good life. It is not the end of the world. Relax.

Apologize apologize. say that there is no excuse for what you did and you want to fix it. Start calling lawyers and take all the blame and the debt.
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