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I notice that many imas delay explaining puberty



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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 14 2015, 9:23 pm
It's something I've wondered about and what the benefit would be to delay telling a child about puberty? I'll admit to being progressive when it comes to the subject of cex education and kids but, informing a child about physical maturation, doesn't always mean telling them how to accomplish the cex act.
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 14 2015, 9:27 pm
What do you mean by delaying? What ages are you referring to?
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 14 2015, 9:30 pm
I've been reading here for over two years and I've seen ages as high as 15.
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gp2.0




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 14 2015, 9:41 pm
Who says they are thinking of benefits? They're just uncomfortable discussing the subject.
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 14 2015, 9:42 pm
I don't think that's possible...changes have already happened by then in many cases and its clearly part of 'growing up', no???

Ie facial hair, other body hair, BO, needing bras etc, depending on gender...
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 14 2015, 11:43 pm
DH and I decided to be open and have given kids frank explanations about their bodies, how kid bodies change to man and woman bodies. Our oldest are 9. They have an idea of what's coming, and we will give them more details as their body changes approach.

I don't understand how anyone could wait until after puberty starts! That would be SO confusing and possibly really upsetting! Don't the kids ask?
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Scrabble123




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 12:15 am
What would kids ask about?
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relish




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 12:21 am
If parents don't bring it up, children will find things out from other sources. They won't come running to you, it will feel too weird.

Eta: typo fix


Last edited by relish on Sun, Feb 15 2015, 12:46 am; edited 2 times in total
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mandr




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 12:40 am
I think it's normal to just go with the child's development and prepare for them for what's happening next. No need for 10 year olds to know about relations or for a 7 year old to know about a bra if she won't be needing one for the next few years.

Interesting you felt that way because based on the forum threads here, I think people discuss things really early and a bit TMI.
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shoshanim999




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 1:30 am
I don't see any need to explain it to them. Ever. I learned about it at school and from friends and turned out just fine. Same deal with DH. Same with 80% of adults.. Whats wrong with the "system" the way it is???
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amother


 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 1:38 am
shoshanim999 wrote:
I don't see any need to explain it to them. Ever. I learned about it at school and from friends and turned out just fine. Same deal with DH. Same with 80% of adults.. Whats wrong with the "system" the way it is???

Because I would have prefered to speak to my mother about it but I didn't feel comofrtable.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 2:03 am
amother wrote:
Because I would have prefered to speak to my mother about it but I didn't feel comofrtable.


It's certainly up to each family to determine what works best for them I don't think I'm alone in preferring my children to get factual information about their own physical development from their parents. I also think it's important that parents (know and )explain the basics of biological reproduction and convey those basics to their children. I'm not a big fan of parents outsourcing their responsibilities, esp issues as important as these, to their children's peers.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 2:30 am
shoshanim999 wrote:
I don't see any need to explain it to them. Ever. I learned about it at school and from friends and turned out just fine. Same deal with DH. Same with 80% of adults.. Whats wrong with the "system" the way it is???


I got my period when I was 11 and I had no idea what was happening. I once over heard a conversation between girls but I had no idea what they were talking about and when I asked them they refused to tell me. My mother was the real old fashioned type that didn't feel comfortable telling me and we were not that close. So one day I realized I was bleeding from my private parts and thought something was majorly wrong, I even had the passing thought that I might die.
That's the reason you can't leave your job in educating your children up to their friends because not all children end up getting educated.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 2:34 am
There was once a girl who left her classroom to go to the bathroom, she came back screaming that she's bleeding between her legs. If only her mother had done her job as a parent....
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amother


 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 3:07 am
just curious what do the school say in such a situation? do they then explain the psychoeducation to the girl?

Also I think there should be a class in school that covers all the basics..that doesn't take away from the mothers job..but that will ensure that the kids have clearly understood whats happening and they can have a teacher to discuss any questions with if they don't feel comfortable asking their mother.
Its in essense like kallah classes..they used to be taught from mum to daughter in the previous generations..nowadays many parents and not comfortable doing so..and thus came the need for kallah teachers...pubertal changes doesn't have halochos as such thus doesn't need a private teacher, but a class in school would be the perfect solution...what do u think?
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 3:15 am
amother wrote:
just curious what do the school say in such a situation? do they then explain the psychoeducation to the girl?

Also I think there should be a class in school that covers all the basics..that doesn't take away from the mothers job..but that will ensure that the kids have clearly understood whats happening and they can have a teacher to discuss any questions with if they don't feel comfortable asking their mother.
Its in essense like kallah classes..they used to be taught from mum to daughter in the previous generations..nowadays many parents and not comfortable doing so..and thus came the need for kallah teachers...pubertal changes doesn't have halochos as such thus doesn't need a private teacher, but a class in school would be the perfect solution...what do u think?


Menarche spans a rather large age group. Are you suggesting that schools start teaching the subject to 4th graders as it is done in a large number of public schools? Or do you think that freshman in HS don't need the comprehensive cex education classes because they have already reached menarche? I'm merely being a devils advocate. As I said up thread, I personally don't believe in outsourcing my responsibilities as a parent. For some that may be a preferable choice.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 3:30 am
''that doesn't take away from the mothers job..but that will ensure that the kids have clearly ''

MagentaYenta wrote:
Menarche spans a rather large age group. Are you suggesting that schools start teaching the subject to 4th graders as it is done in a large number of public schools? Or do you think that freshman in HS don't need the comprehensive cex education classes because they have already reached menarche? I'm merely being a devils advocate. As I said up thread, I personally don't believe in outsourcing my responsibilities as a parent. For some that may be a preferable choice.


It doesn't replace a mothers job..as amother wrote above! I guess they would obviously adapt to the majority,,if a mother has an early bloomer or a late bloomer...again, its the mothers job..this is just something to help them with. Also obviously they'll get taught age appropriate stuff...so in younger grades they'll get basic education and in the older age they'll get the more detailed education...but again all this education will be very pareve...not covering cex etc..so that parents can choose how much more they want to tell their child..
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 15 2015, 3:50 am
amother wrote:
''that doesn't take away from the mothers job..but that will ensure that the kids have clearly ''

It doesn't replace a mothers job..as amother wrote above! I guess they would obviously adapt to the majority,,if a mother has an early bloomer or a late bloomer...again, its the mothers job..this is just something to help them with. Also obviously they'll get taught age appropriate stuff...so in younger grades they'll get basic education and in the older age they'll get the more detailed education...but again all this education will be very pareve...not covering cex etc..so that parents can choose how much more they want to tell their child..


Comprehensive cex ed is just that. P goes into V, a large portion of comprehensive cex ed in public schools is relationships, personal values, understanding the cex drive and delaying or abstaining from s-xual relations. It does cover contraception and s-xually transmitted diseases. I doubt that any of these important areas would be covered in a frum class. (FWIW all of my kids were educated in public school and I gave permission for them to be included in ALL cex ed classes. I attended all the meetings regarding the curriculum and got copies of the approved curriculum so that we could discuss it at home.)
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