Lakewood spending $$$$ on kids clothing!

amother

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 10:50 am

I am moving from an OOT community in the ny area to Lakewood. I thought my kids were dressed well and cute until I went to check out schools for my children. I usually buy weekday clothing in hm and other stores with lower priced, cute clothes. When I went into the playgroups, all the kids looked soooo put together. Many were wearing clothing that I recognized from frum stores. I know the prices of the clothing, and when you have to buy a full weekday wardrobe, it can be very costly. The schools with uniform have all students with fashionable shoes, knapsacks and hair accessories. Even the boys are wearing nicer weekday clothing and shoes.
I am not judging on others on how they spend their money. I am just nervous moving to a community where they have so much social pressure to dress the kids well. IMO it is worse than Brooklyn. I also wonder how much time they take to put together each full outfit per kid.
I don't need to keep up with the Shwartzes, but I also know that I will have to put an extra effort, and probably extra money, to make my children look good.

sky

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 10:57 am

It makes a huge difference where you live. No one around me cares about clothing. My sister-in-law lives in a younger, more dense area, with lots of young NY transplants and the kids are dressed to the nines, very fancy, during the week.

My kids are in a fancier crowd school. they only wear childrens place to school. So far no one has cared. [Even their shabbos clothing is mainly childrens place until a certain age, my daughter is still wearing only childrens place dresses on shabbos, and matches most neighbors.] One mother recently told me someone in the school asked her son what brand his shoes are, but he didn't even know what they are referring to. I have more of a problem of kids bringing in the latest gadgets that cost a fortune - even $20 yoyos - I feel more pressure on that end. [they have some very wealthy kids in their class, but I feel it is way over the top]

My kids are still young and in elementary school so it could be I don't know what I'm in for, but most of my neighbors already have older girls and they don't seem to have the pressure. I'm hoping.

Last edited by sky on Tue, Feb 17 2015, 11:00 am; edited 1 time in total

mommyla

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 11:08 am

I buy my kids' clothes primarily at H&M, Target, and Children's Place, with an occasional outfit from Gap, Gymboree, or even WalMart. They always look cute and put together. Sure, there are kids who are dressed much more fashionably, but IME nobody will look at your kids' Target clothes like they're rags. Most of my friends dress their kids similarly.

Unless you live in certain neighborhoods, send to certain schools, and hang out with a certain type of people, your kid will most definitely not be the only one wearing clothes from H&M.

People do indeed buy their kids' weekday wardrobes from frum stores and spend a bloody fortune per child, but everyone I know thinks that it's ridiculous. There's no social pressure if you don't let it get to you. I just roll my eyes at those who spend thousands - literally! - on clothes that will be worn out, torn, splattered with paint or mud or both, and outgrown in a season and thank G-d that I have more sense than that.

kollel wife

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 11:09 am

I will second what the above commenter said.

I generally buy very little from the frum stores. There's many ways to get good prices in the non Jewish stores.

There are all types of people. And some very young mothers are dressing their 1,2, or 3 children. Not a large family with many expenses.

In the winter you can buy summer tops for girls in Kohls. You mentioned H&M, there's Children's Place,Little Me, Gymobree(sale only) in Jackson outlets you can get a lot for little girls for very little. There's Rock Bottom and the other day I got some things in the $10 rack at Junee.
Older girls - TJ Max can be a good local choice.

I've never bought Shabbos shoes for young children in a frum store. We usually can find in Payless, Walmart or Target - to get the sizes I want I'll order on-line (shoes or clothing)

And there are a lot, a lot or people bargain hunting. If you can live among them, they will all be telling you about the blouse they bought in the mall for $5 etc - and you'll be keeping each other company.

mommyla

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 11:40 am

^^^That.

Except that I do buy my kids' shoes at the frum stores, they have hard-to-fit feet and I like to be sure I'm getting the best shoes. Also, my DS's school's dress code includes solid black or navy shoes, which can be hard to find in regular stores except for dorky, clunky styles, and the frum stores cater to that.

Oh, and I find that the people who dress their kids to the nines tend to be the most insecure. My wealthiest neighbor, who can afford to dress the entire neighborhood in clothes from the frum stores, buys her kids' clothes at closeout stores and is proud of it!

SingALong

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 12:08 pm

I bought all kids clothing in target/kohls/children's place till recently. However My dd is very tall and most of these stores don't have long enough things. So recently I started shopping in the drum stores for her and I need to pay more $$$ so her skirts can be long enough. I can still by her long sleeve tees in target/Zara, etc. for the little ones I can still get in the cheaper stores.

I find Shabbos hard to get in the cheaper stores. For each season I'll invest in 1 good coordinating Shabbos outfit from drum stores and1 good weekday outfit from drum stores. That way I can dress my family nicely each Sunday or for when we visit family. But on a day to day basis my big ones are in

sky

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 12:43 pm

Just in defense of some wearing frum store outfits, you can do well in frum stores end of season. I have 2 outfits for my daughter for this coming season that I bought end of season for $24 - 28 a full outfit. (She is outgrowing the length of children's place and Zaras. Even in the frum stores I have to go up a size to cover her knees).

I was recently reading that dressing kids to look like magazine ads and covers is the new hobby\outlet. Many newly married women have few outlets, nobody sews, crochets, quilts, plays music, etc. Instead the hobby is dressing kids, running around finding the exact bow, tights, shoes, and necklace to complete the outfit. Its just an expensive hobby.

Notsobusy

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 12:51 pm

I also bargain hunt for myself and my kids. B"h they don't care to look like everyone else, so it makes it easier. I have one dd who wanted to look like everyone else for a while, it was very challenging. A lot of people I know are also bargain hunting, but plenty are not.

Someone recently told me that a certain expensive children's clothing store in Lakewood has a payment plan shock

. I really don't understand that mindset, if you can't afford it, just don't buy it! It's not for poor people who won't be able to buy their kids clothing otherwise. It's for the "keeping up with the Schwartz's" who can't afford to keep up.

Chayalle

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 1:44 pm

I also shop in the frum stores on sale, especially for the big girls who need skirts that are long enough. Right now stores have 50% off, as well as $10 racks....I bought my teen DD winter weekday skirts in a frum store yesterday, for under $20 each. Nows the time to shop winter!

I went to one of the frum "outlet" stores and bought DD two summer shabbos outfits at 70% off. Since I don't need to match or coordinate anyone (my girls are at ages where they are their own selves) I do really well shopping for bargains.

When my two big girls were young I did have fun matching them for one Shabbos outfit per season, but even then I did really well buying a season ahead. Alas, my matching days are long over....they were pretty young when they asserted themselves and their lack of interest in people confusing their ages....

ruchelbuckle

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 2:26 pm

Ruchel wrote:

I don't do frum stores. First they're few and far, second if I want to spend that kind of money I'll do it on brands.

My kids clothes? range from hand me downs from baby-me (yes!) to brands bought by family or us or cheap on ebay, supermarket stuff, and everything in between.

Ruchel, this is maybe a cultural thing, and I believe the OP was specifically referring to Lakewood NJ, not a general poll of who dresses their kids in clothes from frum owned stores.

Regarding brands-- Frum stores in America tend to sell high-end labels. So while they may well not be well-known to the general public, they are definetly expensive brands.

to the OP-- just one thing I want to remind you of: most people are not really looking at what your kids are wearing. I once carpooled with a mother who dressed her kids in very high end clothes, lived in a gorgeous new construction house (expensive in my area) , had the latest minivan....etc... it took me a while to get over my self-consciousness to realize that she was not looking at my house, my sheitel, my old minivan, my kids clothes, etc... she was just a nice mommy who also needed to get her kids to and from school. She happened to enjoy nice things and was blessed to be able to afford them, but that's it...........

Of course, when your kids are older and they notice things more, then you might have different challenges, but you will cross that bridge when you come to it.

remember.....
No one can make you feel self-conscious unless you let them!

amother

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 5:24 pm

I used to buy Old Navy type stuff for Shabbos, max $20 - until my daughter started school.

Now, she's taller and I buy Shabbos in the Jewish stores pretty much exclusively. I hate shopping. For me, its a pleasure to go in and know that most things that we see are things we can consider to buy in terms of tznius. As to pricing, it is a lot, but we budget for it and I don't have a huge family. We also don't have TONS of clothes and re-wear from season to season if it still fits.

I don't think anyone looking at my family will think we're dressed to the nines. I just don't have that talent. The bows and tights and the "right colors" and all that just completely jumble my brain. However, I am fine with spending 75-100 per outfit. I spend to avoid shopping. Sooo worth it for me. I would NEVER do this if I couldn't afford it, but I'm intensely grateful that I can.

I tried to shop sales, but every time I did that, the next season I discovered that I misjudged the sizes and it was a pathetic waste of money. I'd rather have less and buy on time... T-shirts and tops are easy to find on sale, but skirts are hard.

There are all kinds Smile

amother

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 10:38 pm

It could have been my kid the op was referring to. But I am a frequent shopper at deja new (used clothing in new condition). I go often and have found beautiful and in style clothing for my kids (and myself!). I refuse to shop in the frum stores and pay full price for clothes that will get full of glue, paint or cholent. The added bonus is that all the $$ I spend goes to local tzeddakah organizations, so I don't hesitate to buy (at $1-2 per item) and stick whatever doesnt work out back into the donation bins around town.

Yay for Deja New!!

And when I get compliments on my kids clothes - which I often do - I either say the truth or vaguely say "hand-me-down", depending on the personality of the other person.

Notsobusy

Wed, Feb 18 2015, 9:47 am

Op, I know most people who responded said they do look for bargains, but there are a lot of people in Lakewood who don't. If you're nervous about your kids not fitting in, make sure to check out the neighborhood or block or development that you're moving to. A lot of blocks or developments in Lakewood have mainly one "type" of people living there, just make sure you don't move to one where most people are very into how their kids dress.

As far as how much I buy for them, I also try to make sure I have a week's worth of clothing for each child, because I really don't enjoy doing laundry all the time. Some people will buy less clothing and spend more on each piece. I buy more clothing and spend less on each thing.

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 18 2015, 10:00 am

It depends on the child's age, and the season.

For a pre-school child, I used to have 6-7 outfits per season, as I too work full time and need to ensure there's enough clean clothes in their drawers in case I have a massive deadline and the laundry has sufferred.

However once they are in school, they have uniforms. So for the winter season, they don't need more than an outfit or two for Sundays. My first grader, for example, has two skirts and like 3 different sweaters for mix-n-match on Sundays. She has 3 Shabbos outfits - two I bought, and then my sister gave me a hand-me-down. (I would have bought less had I known.) Both Shabbos outfits were bought at end of last winter. She also has a Shabbos robe - I bought it for half price at the end of last winter, and my neighbor's DIL told me they are selling them in Monsey this season for full price. So we are fancy! Right now I'm waiting for 50% off at a certain store, to get next year's robe.

For the summer, I bought DD 3 skirts at the end of last summer at half price in a frum store (I want a tznius length for her, she's almost 7). I found an assortment of tops for her in the mall to go with those skirts. I also have a cute dress I found from Lands End. I think we'll manage, maybe find something else on sale....but we're good.

My big girls tend to "need" a bit more - you know, Ch"v they wear the same thing two Sundays in a row - though at the same time they love mall bargain items. Since they're the same size now, more or less, it works to their advantage....I have like 4 or 5 skirts in the closet, and a couple of sweaters, some blouses....and they work it out between them what they are wearing when.....For the summer, they tend to need like 5 skirts each plus alot of tees, because they go to different camps, no sharing, and camp laundry is not like Mommy's laundry. Here too, we get tees on sale online or in the mall, and skirts are from Junee, some we were lucky enough to get on sale. For Shabbos, the teens actually prefer finding outfits in the mall, because otherwise everyone has the same outfit and they like to be unique. We try to find skirts, or a top, that is nice...and then match it up. I guess it helps that my girls are petite, and that I sew (so we can buy something at a bigger size and take it in, so we get more length....)

For any mother that wants to save, I recommend shopping ahead (if your kids are like mine - predictable and you know what sizes to get), learn to do your own basic alterations (I save a TON this way - only once in a while do we need to pay someone for more complicated sewing), and save basics for hand-me-downs (like shells). If you have a sibling for swapping that's even better (clothes go from my DD to my niece, and from my niece to my next DD....)