Teacher gave ds soda

SorGold

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 8:38 pm

I understand that you do not want to give your ds soda and that is a perfectly fine rule for your house but realize that in school he will feel drastically different. He may be tantruming excessively as a means of frustrstion over not being able to taste the soda. I have a ds who complained of being teased at 5 years old for allergies and having to eat different foods than peers. Studies have shown that a significant number of children with allergies are bullied.
I know you said your son was willing to exchange for pizza but I think you need to have an open discussion about the fact that he gets a prize when the rest of the class gets candy.
As far as the 5 cavities goes, is he maybe sneaking candy? That does seem odd that would happen if he rarely eats it.

amother

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 8:41 pm

amother wrote:

I agree that this was an inappropriate prize, and you should discuss that with the teacher. I agree that soda is bad and I too never buy soda and try to limit my kids' exposure to it, to whatever extent is possible. But you really need to tone down the rhetoric. Your son is going to have plenty of opportunities to imbibe on his own, because he's getting to an age where adult supervision is more hands-off.

Scare tactics aren't going to convince him to make the right choices. Also, the cancer thing is downright offensive. Your son is going to encounter people who have loved ones suffering from cancer and as you mentioned, it has happened in your own family. Kids are not known for tact. Do you want to get that phone call from another parent or the teacher that your kid made another child cry because he told his friend whose bubbie has cancer that bubbie should have drank less soda? I know MANY people who have done everything right who got cancer and people who have done everything wrong who have not. There's no such thing as something that causes cancer. There are things that increase the risk or decrease the risk, but no guarantees in either direction.

That's not what the Surgeon General says.
And in any case, things that increase your risk of cancer SHOULD be avoided and we SHOULD educate our children to eat healthfully and call things as they are. Soda is poison, not a nourishing food with any kind of nutritional value. Drinking a little now and then probably won't kill anyone. But what is the point to put something so unhealthful into the body? For fun? To be like everyone else? Good logic for the kid that wants to smoke and do drugs. Everyone else is doing it. And a little won't hurt.

Scrabble123

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 8:51 pm

Telling your son that soda causes cancer and that is why he should not drink it is wildly inappropriate. There are better ways to teach your son healthy eating and drinking habits. Imagine how since he does not understand statistics, studies, links, etc. how he may feel scared that he could ch'v get cancer because he had a few sips of his friend's drink. I agree that a 2 liter bottle is a little excessive, and I really cannot relate to passing out candy in school (our school never did that - we had an occasional pizza party 2 times a year or so, but never any candies and soda). He already has the soda so it is appropriate to buy it off of him, have him trade it, or let him drink it if he doesn't want to trade, but seriously stop with the "soda causes cancer" because that is not going to be too productive at his age.

amother

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 8:55 pm

amother wrote:

I stand by what I said. Even smoking, which has a direct and proven link, is STILL NOT A GUARANTEE of cancer. There are people who smoke and live long, healthy lives while smoking two packs a day. It's rare, but it happens. Soda is best avoided, but is nowhere near the level of cigarettes. Yes, we should teach our kids to avoid unhealthy foods and drinks. But you can't control what they eat forever. At a certain point, they are going to make their own choices, and you need to have an ongoing dialogue about making good choices and avoiding harmful ones. Screaming "Cancer!" is not the way to go about it, especially at an age that is too young to understand nuance, odds, and risk. And again, it is offensive to those who have cancer or love someone who has cancer to imply that it would have been avoided if only XYZ. That is simply not true the vast majority of the time.

amother

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 8:57 pm

amother wrote:

If you want to call things as they are, the surgeon general as issued no warnings for soda. There are none on the bottles I get.

yaeli83

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 9:16 pm

I'm not saying I agree with the op's choices, but to be fair, she did say she does not make a big deal when her ds has a little soda at a birthday party or at school. It was the 2 liter bottle that upset her.
I would be upset if my kids came home with a 2 litter bottle of soda, and I do let me kids have a little bit of soda on shabbos and they get plenty of candy and other treats, but a 2 liter bottle is excessive.

I do agree with with everyone who said that it was wrong to tell him that soda causes cancer. Especially since op does let him drink soda on occasion and he sees other people drink it often. A person who is anorexic may know that its terrible to starve themselves, but that alone does not stop them. People who smoke know its bad for them, but they don't stop. A kid may hear from his mom that soda causes cancer, but thats not likely to stop him from drinking it.

Op can you compromise by letting him have a little bit on shabbos or yom tov but not during the week? Figure out what treats are acceptable for him to eat, trader joes organic lolly pops, or whatever it may be, and surprise him in his lunch box every now and then so he wont feel deprived from his friends.

Leahh

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 10:03 pm

yaeli83 wrote:

I agree that op has a right to her choices and she did say she allows soda on rare occasions at parties, however I stand by what I said in a previous post. Op is publicly depriving her child. She wrote that teachers bring something else for her son when they give candy to other kids. This is not about the soda. At least not to the kid. This is something mommy doesn't let him have that he rightfully aquired and now wants to be able to enjoy it. It's a much larger issue that op needs to deal with so her son doesn't become an outcast and doesnt hide things from her.
we see plenty of posts of mothers that cook healthy and only give healthy snacks yet her child is overweight or has another issue tied to unhealthy eating. That kid was hiding from his/her mom and was a closet eater. I fear for op that she is headed in that direction.
my oldest child never had junk food until she started school. Even once she started I only allowed pretzels and chips until she, on her own, was old enough to start asking for things. Then, I bought, in moderation, the snacks she requested so she wouldn't be different than her peers and wouldn't become a schnorrer.
depriving children on a regular basis of things their peers have is dangerous.

busydev

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 10:26 pm

I remember someone once writing that her DS brought home a bottle of soda. She told him he can have one cup on shabbos. so the first shabbos he had one cup. the next shabbos it was flat, didnt taste good and he decided to toss it. iirc

my DH grew up in a no candy home. not at school, not at friends houses (had a friend's mother say oh wait I cant give that to you, here have raisins for shabbos party instead.) On purim they traded in their MM for raisins and pretzels. The second he had a bit of change in his pocket he was buying bakery goods and nosh (started gaining weight around 7th grade when he made daily bakery stops). when he was able to eat at friend's houses (their mothers didnt know or cared) he GORGED himself.

you have to let kids have something sometimes. not daily or weekly, but sometimes.

And dont tell a kid that soda causes cancer, young kids tend to see things very black and white.

yogabird

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 10:45 pm

OP, I think you're doing fine. You let him tantrum a bit, and then he calmed down and went for the bribe. Pizza is not exactly a health food, so it's not like you're cheating him. If you want, you can tell him you thought about it and changed your mind, and he can still choose to have one cup on shabbos instead of the pizza. Likely he'll still choose the pizza.

I think in your first post you wrote that you used to ask the teachers to give him a cookie instead of candy, but are not doing it anymore. That's good.

When your kid is older, you can tell him that some things *can* cause cancer. For now, it's probably okay to just tell him it's not healthy and *can* make him sick.

vintagebknyc

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 11:10 pm

shoshanim999 wrote:

OP- why are u trading cancer for high cholesterol and heart disease caused by pizza. pathetic!!!

I would love you to tell me what is wrong with pizza--it's a melted cheese sandwich with tomato sauce. pizza does not cause heart disease.

where do you people get this stuff?

watergirl

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 11:14 pm

vintagebknyc wrote:

I would love you to tell me what is wrong with pizza--it's like melted cheese with tomato sauce. pizza does not cause heart disease.

where do you people get this stuff?

Cholesterol in the cheese ans tons of oil and grease (fat) are bad for your heart when you eat tons. Someone with high cholesterol will aboud pizza because of the cheese.

Anything in moderation is ok. But to make blanket statements is not ok (unless the blanket statements are made in moderation of course!). Soft drinks are ok sometimes. So is pizza.

vintagebknyc

Tue, Feb 17 2015, 11:23 pm

watergirl wrote:

do you eat regular cheese? do you eat bread?

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Feb 18 2015, 12:38 am

soda causes cancer? tell that to people who have / had cancer who never so much as took a drink of soda.

OP, I think you are doing a very big disservice to your child. It is not possible to keep junk away from your child forever. They will see their friends eating things. its part of growing up.
I do agree that a 2 liter bottle of soda was inapropriate, but to tell your child that it causes cancer? Wat if chas v'chalila one day your child meets someone who had cancer and he knows that that person never drank soda? Please dont teach him such things. Its an unfair way of scaring him.