Refusing to go to school, WWYD?

FranticFrummie

Fri, Feb 20 2015, 6:15 pm

marina wrote:

when you speak with the school use the term home instruction, not home schooling. The former means they come to teach her, the latter means you are pulling her out of the district and teaching her yourself.

Thank you, again.

She's home from school today, and I have a call into the IEP team. They're all in meetings today, but hopefully I will get somewhere with them on Monday.

DD is eating again, so that's a huge relief!

5mom

Sat, Feb 21 2015, 12:25 pm

Hugs to you, this must be so hard.
Is it possible that she's anxious about the upcoming move? She may have mentioned that to your ex ( because she sees that you are excited so she was not ready to share her doubts with you). Then he pounced on it to take advantage. Now she's stuck between you ( the familiar caring parent) and the idea of getting to stay in a familiar place. That could be feeding her stress.
Of course, I am just seeing this from the outside, so I may be totally off. But I just wanted to offer an alternate perspective.
Wishing you only good things, and the strength to get through this.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 4:20 pm

5mom wrote:

That's pretty much it, plus she's always been an extremely anxious child in general. She's been through therapy, and just a week ago I took her in for another evaluation. She scored very high in anxiety, and moderate to high in depression. The doctor thought that it was too soon to put her on medication, and that she should try a different therapist soon.

Once I get her school situation sorted out, making a therapist appt is next on my to do list.

My ex is still being a butt. Now he's saying "maybe, I don't know, we'll see", and the uncertainty is just as bad as the threats to go to court. He's supposed to call me this evening, so who knows what's going to happen next. Confused

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 8:00 pm

Agh! This is the 4th school day she's missed.

The school is not returning my phone calls or my emails. I sent copies to the attendance office, the principal, and the head of student counseling. I can imagine accidentally ending up in one or two spam folders, but all 3 at once? And why isn't anyone checking their voice mail?

My kids is BORED OUT OF HER MIND, and needs to be learning. There are only so many educational videos I can have her watch on YouTube and Netflix (thank you National Geographic!) She needs to be challenged, and I need to work, cook, clean, and have a life. I can't work from home with her hovering over me every 5 minutes, complaining that she has nothing to do, is hungry, or wants me to get off the computer.

At wits end

Does anyone know the magic words I need to say to get the school to get back to me?

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 8:23 pm

While this is going on, please decide what time of day you will sit and teach her. Do you know what she is supposed to be learning? One way to find out is to talk to another mother with a child her age and see what they learned that day. Perhaps that child can visit and tell DD a little bit about what was covered recently. Keep your ears open.

Until this is resolved one way or another, you are on deck to work with her a little each day. You will find that a little goes a long way.

You may be cooking more simply. Slow cooker, rice cooker, pizza.

Start by searching on Imamother for "Torah Home Schooling or Homeschooling" or however it's spelled. Keep searching different spellings and all. You will find out things. DD should be reciting, reading to you, writing things down, drawing, building and using her mind, voice and hands, not just gazing at a book or a screen.

The main thing is to keep her mind active.

This is one of the well known ones although there are many:

http://www.room613.net/members/room613

Here is another:

http://www.nigrijewishonlineschool.com/

This may be of use. It is Chabad.

http://www.chabad.org/search/r.....=Kids

If you have fabric, it might be a fine thing to have her make a simple skirt for herself. That will involve using an iron safely, laying fabric out exactly straight, setting down a pattern, cutting, basting and all. She will learn a lot from that. Of course she can use the sewing machine if you are keeping an eye on her.

As you have to cook anyway, have her measure, calculate how much four cups of flour weigh if a cup weighs 4.25 ounces, metric versus English, and on and on. Don't do it for her, supervise and collaborate. Let her get her hands and brain into the recipe. Ask "so, how do we do that?" Let her teach YOU.

There are a billion videos about how to do things on You Tube. Do not forget You Tube.

This video might intrigue her. It is about a zillion ways to braid challah strands.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.....72573

(But no, I'm not on Facebook and never would be. Nor any social media.)

If you want to work on languages, Chabad has its pages in French, Spanish, and many languages.

This is very cute. It is a bit mystical. It's for kids.

http://www.chabad.org/multimed.....h.htm

marina

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 9:05 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Does anyone know the magic words I need to say to get the school to get back to me?

Who is your special ed director (AKA, director of pupil services / director of student services / director of special education etc)? Did you call/email/ write him or her?

I would email that person, copy your daughter's teachers, including her intervention specialist, and also copy the superintendent at this point. If you have dr letters, I would scan and attach those as well.

There are some other magic words, but I don't think you need to use them yet.

Also, what else is going on at school? Are they having snow days? Are they doing standardized testing now?

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 9:08 pm

She does work with me in the kitchen, and is in charge of planning her meals for the day, so she's getting lessons on nutrition. I think my biggest concern is that since it's so cold and rainy outside, she's not getting enough exercise. At least at school she was up on her feet a lot, either within the classroom or walking between classes. Her school is very big, and the passing periods are really short, so she had to hustle to get to the next class on time.

She's going somewhat stir crazy, and that makes her really grumpy, which in turn makes for a grumpy mommy. Calgon, take me away! Drunken Smile

The bottom line is, she needs someone who ISN'T ME to teach her, because she knows exactly how to push my buttons and not get work done - and I have to work anyway!

I'll look into some of the links above, and pray that the rain stops soon. I can't even take her to the nearest park because it's 1/2 mile down the bottom of a steep hill, and I don't have a car. Getting down might not be a problem, but she's not big enough to carry me back home!

All the other home schoolers in my neighborhood are doing high school girls, so there's nothing really going on here for 6th grade girls.

Poor kiddo has been through 4 schools in 7 years.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 9:11 pm

marina wrote:

That's just it. Everyone I talked to on Friday morning swore they were all over it, and would call me back. I haven't heard a peep since then, and I've been on them every school day for some kind of answer.

Now I'm getting automated phone calls from the school telling me that my child is truant! Banging head

Frankly, I'm rather annoyed that it took them until Wednesday to realize that she hasn't been in class. Rolling Eyes

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 10:56 pm

If you are friendly with the other homeschooling families in the area, the ones with the high school girls, ask one of the mothers if your DD can participate in learning there, just for a very brief bit. Your DD will love it to bits. Tell her it is a big privilege. As an experienced homeschooler, that mother will handle your DD with ease, give her things to work with that are easier.

Your DD will feel like a very Big Girl and be thrilled.

If you can pay the lady unbeknownst to your DD that is fine too.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Feb 25 2015, 11:44 pm

Oh dear. Ask Marina to recommend how to get the right kind of specialized lawyer to have around, concerning that "truant" thing. That could get legal on you. Without retaining one, know whom to call, in case. Not just any lawyer will do, you need one familiar with this.

I would send the school lots of registered letters explaining whom you have talked to by name at the school, and exactly what is going on with your DD. Name-drop her psychologist or whoever. Keep the delivery receipts and copies of the letters. "Return receipt requested" or whatever.

You may have to prove you kept them informed and were working with them.

They may lose everything, and deny everything, and accuse you of not sending her to school. That could be a problem.

Just understand that they get reimbursed based on headcount. A child who isn't there is costing them money. I think. I am no expert.

There are homeschooling advocates on the internet who are knowledgeable about the issues. You don't have to plunge into that movement, but have these organizations' contact information handy, if needed, in your Favorites.

marina

Thu, Feb 26 2015, 1:24 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Frankly, I'm rather annoyed that it took them until Wednesday to realize that she hasn't been in class. Rolling Eyes

Truancy phone calls and letters are automatic after a certain number of absences. It has nothing to do with the teachers noticing your child is missing. Frankly, truancy is probably the very last thing you should worry about now. That was not legal advice because I am not your attorney.

Also- four days to wait from a call back on this issue is not very long at all. They could be trying to figure out a date to offer you for the IEP meeting and the school psych is only there on certain days and the IS was sick this week and the SLP is having surgery, etc, etc. It's completely normal because they probably have a large team for your child and want to get everyone's schedules set before they invite you.

Last edited by marina on Thu, Feb 26 2015, 1:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

marina

Thu, Feb 26 2015, 1:27 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

This is not legal advice because I am not a practicing attorney in your state, but I don't think you need a lawyer just yet- way too soon to even go down that road. Children who aren't there for a few days don't cost them money, unless the child is missing during a particular week when they do the headcount for the state. You should beek all documents, though.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Feb 26 2015, 5:38 pm

Thanks again Marina. You are calming me down a LOT!

I've got DD doing math games and Minecraft on the computer, and during breaks I have her sorting laundry and getting her toys in order. She also has a ton of books to read. Weather permitting, I'll have her do yard work for "PE".

I am one of the least organized people I know, and I am NOT equipped to prepare a structured study plan for her, never mind to enforce one. I'm a bad combination of being laid back and having ADD at the same time, and I have to force myself just to keep my own ducks in a row.