ISO reliable cleaning help! Does it pay to be nice?

koalamum

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 7:55 am

I treated my cleaning lady with respect.
I gave up potential vacations so she shouldn't leave me.
I paid Xmas day off.
I tipped her by rounding off her pay.
I gave her good hot lunches.
I ordered items from Amazon and let her pay me back gradually.
I gave her homemade cookies and stuff to take home.
If she needed an extra day off, I gave her no trouble...

All to ensure that she will stay with me especially through Pesach.....
And then.....she got pregnant. (Even though she complained she hated her husband..)
The joke is on me!

So now I am burnt out. Did it even pay to be nice??
I would like to get new help. Any ideas of reliable agencies?

amother

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 8:04 am

I could have written that post. I gave my cleaning lady hot soup every time she came in the winter, gave her goodies to take home to her son, served her a delicious warm lunch, was forgiving when she didn't show up or showed up late, let her use my phone for personal calls, paid her taxi etc. and then she just left me for no reason, and didn't even pick up her phone when I tried calling her...

SRS

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 8:12 am

Why is the joke on you? Do you believe that you owned her? A boss can be nice. That doesn't mean the employee will stay on forever, forego having more children. . . . my daughter's morahs keep getting pregnant. Should we treat them worse since it clearly makes no difference to them staying on the job?

skirtznsox

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 8:20 am

Also, yes, it pays to be nice. You're a reflection of what it means to be a frum woman, and already so many say and do things to their cleaning help that does not make a kiddush Hashem. Be nice. But also, even if she doesn't like her husband,if that meant no babies, the world's population would be probably less than half of what it is now. She should've given you warning and maybe tried to replace herself, but it's her right to get pregnant whenever, regardless of the convenience to her employer (s)

33055

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 8:21 am

koalamum wrote:

You do realize her getting pregnant had nothing to do with how you treated her? She didn't do anything to you. Do you expect she should have rewarded your good behavior by planning her family around your religious needs?

Your other question is does it pay to be nice? Once employees get a certain perk then they feel entitled to them. You should always be nice and show respect. If you give away extra things, it simply means you are giving away extra things. To expect because you are nice, someone won't get pregnant doesn't make sense.

Why would you give up vacations? That also makes no sense. This is a business arrangement. Your chesbon isn't realistic. Pay more than everyone else in her hourly wage and that might work, but I don't think it will keep her from getting pregnant.

koalamum

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 8:36 am

Ok! I see I wrote that all wrong!!
Of course it pays to be nice....for kiddush Hashem! I am nice by nature. I just said that cuz I am burnt
out. I gave up vacations and day trips b/c I didn't want to leave the girl alone in my house for too long. She needed the job desperately and wanted a full time job only. I was afraid she would leave me if I took off too much.
Everything really is beshert. Even my cleaning lady getting pg right before Pesach. Believe me, she has 3 kids already and doesn't like her husband but it happened anyway.
We left on good terms and I wished her luck.
I only wish for myself "luck" for Pesach!

I had her full time, but now I realize that I am much more at ease not having anyone puttering around my house. Until now I didn't even look for new help but with Pesach creeping on us, I need a helping hand.

Also in the last 2 weeks, I didn't invite my married kids for Shabbos to save on the extra work. (You know how much extra...!!!) That is not how I want to go on.

So does anyone know where to find a good help?

Ruchel

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 8:42 am

Only on Imamother do people take the cleaning lady / employer relationship in such a complicated way.
Does YOUR boss give up vacay for you etc?
Be nice, be normal, give whatever she is entitled to and some more if you want, but only on Imamother do I read of needing chit chat, gifts, exchanging recipes and inviting to smachos - and expecting them to be like a friend or almost family that "owes" you to stay etc.

Oh and an employee still has a personal life which includes pregnancies... be careful not to be too nice that you get resentful or that she gets entitled.

33055

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 8:45 am

koalamum wrote:

You need to post where you are if you are looking for us for suggestions.

In general, I ask the Spanish people for recommendations. I also ask my friends. I may be doing something right because 2 if mine are calling now to come back.

I don't like full time help either for the reasons you state. I give myself a couple of days off during the week and let her stay late in Thursdays and Tuesdays.

amother

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 8:47 am

Sometimes a person can be too nice- I was always understanding if my cleaning girl couldn't come in sometimes. Before you know it, she was missing 1-2 times every week; sometimes more. My other neighbors whom I mentioned this to said they would never let in the first place so the cleaning lady would never dream to miss a day.
When I finally told her I really need my hours, she left me.
Anon bec I've talked about this w my neighbors.
Good luck I hope u find a new one soon!

koalamum

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 8:56 am

"You need to post where you are if you are looking for us for suggestions. "

Oops! I live in Boro Park.

And yes, I learned my lesson about dealing with the cleaning help.

And probably the most reliable thing to do is DAVEN!!!

There was a great Rebbe that told his kehilla that on Rosh Hashana, one of the the things to pray for is good cleaning help! For menuchas hanefesh....and as stated above, shalom bayis!

amother

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 9:04 am

No it doesn't pay to be nice.
Be polite and cordial but don't get friendly. I learned the hard way. I was so nice to my cleaning lady. I was sympathetic to all her sob stories. I encouraged her to stand up to her abusive boyfriend and not move heavy furniture by herself for other people she cleaned for. I did such a great job teaching her to stand up for herself that she stood up for herself towards ME! She asked me to double her wages! I was shocked and upset and that was the end. She refused to come back thinking she was worth much more than I was paying her.

Trust me I learned my lesson. No more chit chat. Hi bye thank you here's your money. That's it.

koalamum

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 9:08 am

greenfire wrote:

I'm sure she got pregnant just so she wouldn't have to clean your house for pesach ... I mean it is a dreaded job ...

have you as the head of the household ever been pregnant erev pesach ... just wondering

I haven't actively posted on Imamother in a while but I remember from years ago, I always liked your comments!
Of course you are right (and I was pregnant or PP on Pesach several times!)
I am just saying all that above out of frustration for my own present situation!

33055

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 9:25 am

koalamum wrote:

Sorry, my two old ones wouldn't work for you.

koalamum

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 10:16 am

amother wrote:

[quote]

Yes! I learned that lesson too. But if they work for you for a few days a week, you do tend to treat them better than a one day stand. The problem is when they take advantage of your niceness!
What a chutzpah of that girl (yours)! But nothing surprises me anymore!

imasinger

Sun, Feb 22 2015, 10:57 am

Of course it doesn't pay to be nice.

You should have been rotten to her, and then, she never would have gotten pregnant a month before Pesach, right? Twisted Evil

All kidding aside, it is important to differentiate between what is nice, and what is bending over backwards.

Nice: respectful of the person who is hired to help you.

Bending over backwards: not telling her about things you would like her to do differently.

Nice: giving holidays, arranging hours that she requests, as long as they work for your schedule.

Bending over backwards: paying for more hours than you need, especially in the (unrealistic) hope that doing so will ensure her loyalty, guaranteed. Or givng in to a time that doesn't really work fo you.

Nice: chatting and listening to her.

Bending over backwards: becoming her therapist.

In short, being nice and treating someone in a kind and professional manner is good.

But if you are inclined to bend over backwards, watch out. Chances are, you are doing it at least in part for yourself, and may be making assumptions about what your choices entitle you to in the way of loyalty, wages, or hard work.

As any boss will tell you, this is not a good idea.

To all: PLEASE do not call your help "the girl." If she is old enough to take the job, she is a woman, and should be treated as such.

OP, I hope you get someone good. By any chance, have you asked your pregnant cleaning lady if she knows anyone she can recommend?