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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
I'm overruled
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amother


 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 6:23 am
DH refuses to medicate.
DC needs it desperately.
Socially inept (partially because of ADHD symptoms)
Too hyper to sit, do homework,
Driving me utterly mad.
Constant noise.
Affecting the whole family.
Destroying me.
He will not even discuss it.
Won't listen to anyone.
Sometimes if feel my only escape is to run away, but I can't.
It's torturous for all those around.
Family members marvel at how I do it.
I'm miserable and can't break through this wall he built.
Any time I bring up a discussion he gets scary mad.
I feel very alone in my struggle. Teary Eyed
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 6:33 am
Hug How old is he?

Medication can be useful, but there are many other avenues to explore.

What about social skills groups, CBT, or your learning to help him make checklists and schedules?

Have you tried diet alterations, regular rigorous exercise, and/or parenting programs like nurtured heart?
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amother


 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 6:43 am
Tried social skills groups, therapy, parenting classes, exercise, nutrition, homework tutors.
Financially broke and exhausted.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 6:53 am
Poor kid. Poor you. Poor family.

No more ideas, just sympathy.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 7:05 am
Can I medicate without DH consent?
Is it legal and would a dr agree?
If I would, can't hide it.
Dc blabbermouth.
Would incur the wrath of heaven.
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Emotional




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 7:09 am
Is there a Rav you can speak to whom your husband respects?
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amother


 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 7:32 am
I have an ADHD son. We would have died without medication. We would have been forced by the school to in any case.
We thankfully didn't wait for that.
Can the school help? Call you both in & say "medicate or find another school"?
Seriously if it was me I'd say it's either Ritalin or I'm out of here.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 7:36 am
Wait, would DS cooperate and take the meds?? That's a different story. I was confused about who was adamant.

What if you found an excuse to go away with the other kids, and left DS and DH together for a week?

What if you became equally adamant, and told DH that either he let DS have medication trials, or you will put him permanently in charge of DS, and you will take an extra part time job to make it financially doable?

I don't think it is OK to deceive DH, but you certainly can become a mother tiger. In your shoes, I would.

I have said it before on this forum. To my mind, refusing to let a kid get the help they need is a red line issue, as serious a breach to SB as infidelity.
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 8:42 am
What is your husband's objection?
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Mama Bear




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 8:48 am
First of all - yes, you do not need your dh's consent to medicate your child. one parent is enough.
Secondly, here's an idea: Can you compromise? Can you tell dh you will try the meds on your son for one month, and if there's no significant difference in his behavior and your family's ability to cope with him you'll stop? He might be ok to try it on a trial basis, and he might be convinced. Just a thought.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 9:28 am
I can't imagine anyone being so adamant against trying to help their child. Why???? Does he forbid advil, too??

When medication isn't an option, try herbs. There are over the counter herbal medicines for helping with ADHD. Go to your health food store and ask. The cheapest option is Valerian Root drops or capsules. Surely your DH won't forbid herbs. It's like giving chamomile tea. He wouldn't forbid chamomile tea, would he?
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 9:34 am
Could DH be convinced/coerced into therapy to explore his own fears or whatever about this topic? Or marriage counseling to sort out your disagreement about this?
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5mom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 9:36 am
Where is your pediatrician? Can he/she explain the issues?
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amother


 

Post Mon, Feb 23 2015, 11:58 pm
Dc is willing to take meds.
DH won't even entertain a discussion about it because of:
1) family (of origin) beliefs about it
2) very outspoken, interfering family who will stop at nothing to convince him it's evil (with whom he agrees, nay, worships them and their opinions)
3) fear of side effects (which are all possible). We consulted with a psychiatrist and this was confirmed.
4) domineering, take charge personality

I am not looked at as having equal rights about this decision.
The door has literally been shut in my face.
Any time I try to bring it up, he gets scary crazy angry.

I can't leave him alone to care for DC for prolonged periods because he has a temper. DC is too much for anyone.
DH believes he can bribe, threaten or potch the nonsense out of DC.

I tried an herbal med. DC complained of stomach upset, so that's out.
I'm wondering if I should try valerian.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 24 2015, 12:06 am
Sounds like DH could use some meds himself.

At a minimum, a ChillPill

Any time I read words like what you just posted, I worry about an abusive marriage. Maybe it isn't so, but your DH sounds controlling and scary, at least at some times.

Before moving forward with meds for DS, you might need to put on your own oxygen mask first.

Have you tried counseling, either as a couple or for yourself?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Feb 24 2015, 12:13 am
There's a can of worms so deep I can't even tell you.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 24 2015, 12:16 am
Frankly, I think the best thing you could do for your DS is to take care of yourself and your marriage, in whatever way that might mean.

Hugs to you. BTDT.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 24 2015, 12:24 am
WADR it seems now that the problem is much bigger than your DS's meds. Getting DH into therapy under whatever pretense it takes would be a good first step and possibly provide some further direction.

Meanwhile since your kid needs something and this may take a while, consider working with a naturopath to find the strongest and most appropriate herbal/alternative remedies available to you.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 24 2015, 2:44 am
You keep saying your DH gets 'scary angry'. That, is the problem here. Let your mother bear instincts take over and you do what needs to be done to help your child. If you stood up to this scary man, what would he do to you?? Hit you??? Hurt you physically?? If not, then what's so scary about his anger? Be tough, be strong, don't take **** from anyone. Ever.
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Culturedpearls




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 24 2015, 2:57 am
chani8 wrote:
You keep saying your DH gets 'scary angry'. That, is the problem here. Let your mother bear instincts take over and you do what needs to be done to help your child. If you stood up to this scary man, what would he do to you?? Hit you??? Hurt you physically?? If not, then what's so scary about his anger? Be tough, be strong, don't take **** from anyone. Ever.


Can't like enough.
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